In Between Living and Sorrow
by StephanieIrvine
Summary: It was over, they had agreed...they just had to stay apart. Which was easier said than done. Chris Irvine and Stephanie McMahon.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - **I don't own anything to do with the WWE© or Stephanie McMahon or Chris Jericho/Irvine, no matter how much I beg, pray and bribe. I just don't seem to be on luck's side.

**Author's Note - **So, don't ask me why, but I was reading a review for the new Vince McMahon DVD and I got to this part about Stephanie and I just couldn't get my head past it. The quote at the start of the chapter is what I read, and well as my mind tends to do, it wandered and when it wanders it never stops. It got me thinking about the _'other relationship' _as Stephanie so kindly put it, and who he was. We all know who it was, right? Well, if you're slow or you're just catching up, this is my take on it. Why? 'Cause I can. Annnd, the timeline is a bit screwy in this...so bare with me okay? I promise it'll be a bumpy, fun, little ride!

**  
Chapter One**

_  
"Hunter and I tried other relationships, but we were meant to be with each other."_

_  
_Stephanie knew that was an outright lie the moment it left her mouth. It seemed her mind and her heart weren't in sync with each other, not if she was spewing out words like that. Or maybe, on the slightest chance her mind was saying it as some bizarre form of denial. There was absolutely no way that she and Paul were meant to be...not when she had experience that, not when he had touched her like he had...not when she felt for him like she knew in her heart she did, but tried to forget...remembering only brought back old memories she _had_ to forget, not ones that she wanted to.

"Thank you Miss. McMahon," a voice spoke into the silence, pulling her from the chaos her thoughts were. "We have all the footage we need of you. I'm sure the DVD will be widely received when it's finally released."

Stephanie smiled at the man who had asked her the questions and then watched the camera man pack away his camera. _Just a few more moments... _She thanked them for their time and watched them walk to the door. The millisecond the door closed behind them, Stephanie's smile that she had plastered on for their sake vanished and the look that appeared on her face almost resembled that of a lost someone searching for their way home and in a way...that was exactly how she felt. The only way she would really feel like she was home would be in his arms. His arms were her safety and she would give up the millions...hell, billions she had willingly, in exchange for just a mere second to feel his arms wrap around her like they used to. In the days where it was only herself and him, locked away from the outside world and too each other they were the only two that existed and mattered. A ghost of a smile covered her face - they had made each other the others world.

It wasn't like that with Paul.

Letting out a tired sigh, she knew she wouldn't be able to get him out of her mind once he had invaded her everything. Her hand unconsciously travelled to the front pocket of her pants and pulled out her cell. She had dialled his number and pressed call before her mind had fully caught up with her actions. It was too late to back out now, it had already started ringing.

And it rung and rung, she was about to give up when the phone clicked to life as it was answered.

"Hello, Chris Irvine's cell?" a female voice floated through the line and Stephanie had to use all the willpower she had left in her not to drop the phone in defeat. It literally had felt like a freight train had smacked into her and left her as nothing more than a pile of mush on the side walk as she heard the voice. "I-is Chris t-there?" she stuttered out shakily.

She waited a second and then she heard his voice, it really was like music to her ears. "Hello?" he asked in a quizzical tone.

"You know, I thought for sure if I called your cell, I wouldn't have to hear her voice," Stephanie told him, with an almost self-loathing laugh. "Guess I was wrong huh?"

"Steph," Chris's voice said down the line recognising her voice instantly, thus taking on a more affectionate and softer tone. "I really didn't want you too have to hear her."

"That would be me." she told him, sighing happily, because she had heard his voice. What else could she possibly want more at that moment? "And it's okay, I took the risk and I can suffer the consequences."

"This is unexpected," he told her with a smile that she couldn't see; it wasn't like he could help it either. Whenever he heard or saw her she was captivating to him. He moved out of the kitchen where he had previously been with Jessica and moved down the hallway and into his office, closing the door behind him effectively shutting out anything and everything that wasn't Stephanie. "Don't get me wrong, it is by far the highlight of my day." he let her know and it really had been. His day previous too Stephanie's call had been hellish at best. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Stephanie spoke heavily, biting her bottom lip to stop her from telling him everything she wanted_...needed_ to say. But she couldn't...they weren't like that anymore.

"H-How have you been?" he wondered idly

"Good." she lied.

"Really?" he questioned with a hint of suspicion.

"No," she relented. _How can I possibly be okay without you?_ She thought to herself. "I've had good days and...I've had bad days."

"What happened on the bad days?" he asked her softly.

"You weren't there." she whispered miserably, closing her eyes and hoping that the pain she was feeling would just leave her.

"Steph," he sighed across the line. "If I could hold you in my arms everyday, you know I would and I'd do it with a song in my heart." he told her, letting her know that he needed her just as much as she needed him. "But," he faltered. "I'm with Jessica and you have," he paused briefly. "Paul." he spoke, his tone nothing but bitter, God, how he hated that man. "We decided it was for the best."

"I know we did," Stephanie replied sadly. "But it doesn't mean I'm not going to miss you any less."

Chuckling Chris had too give that to her. "Yeah, and it doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss you either. You have no idea how much my day is spent thinking about you," he admitted running a tired hand over his face. "I shouldn't I know, but God help me Stephanie, I don't want to _not _think of you."

"Chris," Stephanie breathed out, an actual smile covering her face for the first time that she could remember in a long time. "You say things like that and you know I'm just going to miss you even more."

"If you didn't think of me, then your day would be pretty boring." he teased.

"True," she giggled, only to trail off. "I think about you everyday and all that we had and then I remember that I'm going home to him and not you."

"And I have to go home to Jessica."

"We were happy weren't we Chris?" she asked him hopefully.

"Yes." he answered her instantly. If it was one thing he knew for a dead certain it was that they were beyond happy. _Why did we stop then? Why did we settle for less than each other?_ Those thoughts floated through his mind, but he refused to answer them, because if he was to come up with an answer then he would see that being separated made no sense, but it was too late to go back and fix past mistakes...wasn't it?

"We were in love? I wasn't imagining that, was I?"

"We were." He still loved her, but how could he tell her? Maybe it would give her some sort of peace, but then again, it may have the adverse effect and just cause her to...he didn't want to think what it might cause.

"I still love you." she whispered so quietly Chris wasn't sure he had heard it, but he knew he had.

He felt a smile cover his face, her words alighting a fire within him he hadn't felt since the last time they were together. "I love you too." he whispered just as quietly, degrading his last thought. He couldn't have her say it and not tell her it back, not when it was the truth. He loved Jessica, yes, she was his wife but he was _in love_ with Stephanie. If only they had met first, things would have been so much different. He wouldn't have to hide his relationship with Stephanie...not that there was a relationship anymore. He had to keep reminding himself of that, Stephanie wasn't his, no matter how much he wished she was.

Stephanie couldn't contain the sigh that escaped her at Chris's words; would it make her a bad person if she longed to hear those words from Chris's lips more so than her own husbands? She knew she didn't love Paul, and maybe staying with him was a bad thing. But she had built a facade and she had to play her part. She was at the bottom of a house of cards and if she dared to escape, they would tumble and fall, surrounding her and thwarting her escape. And who would she run to anyway, Chris? Hardly. Life wasn't that easy, if it was she would have run to him long, long ago. "This isn't healthy." she observed with a brash laugh. How had her life taken such a swerve?

"I know," his voice almost hollow, it was anything but healthy. Soul destroying, maybe? Yeah, he could relate to soul destroying. "But...we have to do it don't we? For my kid and your family?"

"Yeah," she answered flatly. "Who knew when this started, we would end up here huh? Wasn't it just supposed to be fun?"

"I didn't take into account that I'd fall for you," Chris breathed out. "You should come with a warning."

"My heart belongs to a man I can never have?" Stephanie suggested.

"Catchy." he muttered dejectedly.

"I don't even know why I called," she told him in desolately. "My hand just dialled."

"Can't say I'm complaining." Chris told her.

"Maybe I should go." she suggested.

"No," he hurriedly replied. "Just stay...stay for a moment?"

"Like I can say no to you." Stephanie let him know, a smile touching her lips again. "What shall we talk about?"

Chris was quiet for a bit, and when he answered she heard the longing in his voice. "Nothing? I just like to hear you breath. It reminds me of the mornings I used to watch you sleep."

"You watched me sleep?" she wondered, she had never knew this.

"How could I not?" Chris said, thinking back to how beautiful she looked as the first rays of the morning sun flooded into the room and coated her in nothing but a golden coat of beauty. "You inspired me. You were my muse in those mornings when you were breathing lightly, without a care in the world." he let her know. "Would it be cliché, to say you were my perfection?"

"Very." she replied, feeling a shiver run through her at Chris's words. "But you can say it anyway."

"You were." he told her tenderly. "I waited for those moments."

"We should stop this." Stephanie pointed out realistically. "In the long run it's only going to make letting you go harder."

"I know," Chris agreed despondently.

"I'm going to hang up." she whispered her tone nothing but disheartened.

"Okay." he whispered back, the words catching in the back of his throat.

She couldn't say goodbye, or the tears that she could feel coming would fall and she would be reduced to nothing but a mere shell of who she once was. Bringing the phone down, she looked at it and her thumb inched closer to the red button. _If I stay for another minute...would that matter?_ She couldn't think that way, the moment she had called him and spoke her first words to him in weeks had been too long, and she needed to let him go. Regrettably she pushed the red button and '_Call Ended.' _appeared on the screen. She let her cell fall carelessly on to her lap and slumped further into the chair she sat in, and attempted to recollect her jumbled thoughts and feelings.

Once he heard the dialling tone, he let his phone slip down to his lap and ended the call on his end. He couldn't take this much longer; he couldn't go on without seeing her one last time. _But it won't be the last time; it is _never_ the last time._ It would seem he couldn't even fool himself into believing that either and in that second he thought to hell with it, he wouldn't be happy until he saw her in person. The next Raw, she would most likely be there, like she always was...like he always was. Except this time he would seek her out instead of avoiding her like they had agreed.

He just needed to hold her that was all. His arms just needed to feel her one more time.

He just needed to feel alive again.

**End of Chapter One.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: Thanks to the people who reviewed the last chapter, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Also, reviews are love.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything related to the WWE.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

His eyes hardly moved from his view of the door, he just couldn't get distracted and miss her. He had got here early just so he could watch for her, some may call him foolish but he didn't care because seeing her when he did would be his first look in months. He hated to admit he had become the master of avoidance, so much so that he never saw the back of her turning a corner or walking down the other end of the hallway, because if he had he was sure his resolve would crumble and he would be left a broken man. But he didn't care about any of that now, his resolve had already been tainted when she had called and now he had to let her know that she was the only thing on his mind since then.

He remembered back to that night a while after the phone call when Jessica had started kissing his neck, pulling him out of the confines of his mind. He had looked over at her and his mind had to take a moment or two to fully recognize who she was. Stephanie's name had been the only thing he had remembered thinking in those moments, Jessica wasn't even a blip on his radar. When she had leaned forward, Chris knew her intentions before she did and he had stopped her midway. This was the last thing he could pretend to be interested in at that particular time. He had looked at her confused face and feigned a headache, before getting up and seeking out the solitude of his office where he had made his way over to his desk drawer. Reaching inside he pulled out a picture.

Stephanie and him. A snapshot taken one unimportant day that he couldn't let go.

He knew it was ridiculous to keep it in his desk drawer, Jessica could easily find it...and that was more than likely why he did it. If she knew...if she found out because of the slightest thing then they would be over and Stephanie and him...well he didn't dare hope about what might be, he still had his son to think about. And he loved Ash just as much as he still loved Stephanie.

The door opening before him snapped him from his inner musings and he cursed himself silently for not paying attention.

"Chris?" a voice called out, making him look up.

"Trish," Chris greeted her with a smile. "Hey."

"What are you doing sitting out here?" she wondered, her eyebrows raised.

"I...uh," he stammered slightly. _Next time you try and covertly watch for someone, think of an excuse before hand. _"Thought it would be as good a place as any to sit at?" he explained wondering about his own stupidity.

"Okay," she drew out slowly. "Chris are you-"

He was sure the ending to that question was "-all right?" and he would have answered had he been paying attention to her at all, but she was the furthest thing from his mind, he was to occupied with watching the door opening and watching Stephanie walk through it. He had instinctively looked up a second before it had opened, it was almost like he sensed her. He watched as Paul came in behind her, a bag slung over his left shoulder and his free hand resting low on her back. Chris tried to ignore the man he readily despised and focused his attention on Stephanie. Just the sight of her made his heart stop, he couldn't explain her beauty, not even in a song. There were just no words. He noted that her head was down and he was sure she would just walk past him. But he was rarely right anymore and as Stephanie's head suddenly lifted and her gaze turned to him, she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw him staring at her. He saw her barely hold back a gasp of surprise and he was sure something along the lines of, _'This isn't what we agreed, we shouldn't be...he can't be...'_ and he wouldn't blame her, he had strayed from their routine. His eyes caught with her own and he was rooted to the spot by the look in her eyes. He had never seen so much longing so clear in anyone's eyes before...unless he happened to catch his own in a reflection after thinking about her. Every fiber within him was urging him to go to her and make her his. He noted Paul push her back to get her moving again and she reluctantly turned her head towards him and mumbled a quiet 'Sorry.' before carrying on walking to her locker room. _Their_ locker room.

"Chris?" he heard Trish's voice call out to him again and he frantically pulled his thoughts together and brought his attention back to her.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you just now?" she asked her tone humorous.

"Uh, I was thinking about the thing I left in my bag that I need to go get." he told her, his excuse sounding lame to his own ears. "Sorry Trish, I'll catch you later."

He hadn't gone to his locker room though, it wasn't like he had planned to either. No, he found himself standing anxiously down the hallway, meters away from her door. It wasn't like he could walk up to it, knock on the door and ask, _'Can Stephanie come out and play?' _That was hardly likely, so he just waited. Waited for either of two things really; one being that the door opened and Paul walked out and left Stephanie inside on her own or she came out the door herself. He didn't take account of the third thing that could happen, with both of them walked out and he was left wondering how he could get her alone once again. Fate wasn't that cruel...was it?

Smiling he got his answer, fate was on his side. He watched as Stephanie opened the door, stepped out and closed it behind her. She was walking away from him when he hurried behind her, his hands finding her waist as he guided her into a deserted room.

She turned with anger clearly written across her face and then as she saw him her face fell and all that was left was a blank look. "Chris?" she whispered hopefully. Was he only standing that far away from her? Could she really reach out and touch him?

"Hey, Princess."

That answered her question as his voice floated through the air, vibrating off of the walls that hid them, causing her to smile so hard that it actually hurt. She just wanted to fling herself into his arms and forget the world existed.

She didn't thought, because she knew she'd never let go.

"What are you doing?" she wonder her eyes alive and excited.

"Had to see you." Chris told her, loving that he was finally alone with her after so long.

"I can't believe you would risk it."

"You're worth it," he answered taking a step closer. He didn't know how long he could go without stepping over the boundaries they had set. When Stephanie was in the equation anything was bound to happen with him. "I don't know how to act around you." he spoke with a laugh.

"Yeah," Stephanie agree, her eyes taking him all in. She didn't want too, but when she was around him, she tended to lose control of the rational and flowed with the moment. "It's not like we can fall back into old habits," she pointed out. "I don't think I could go through that all again, not the aftermath anyway."

"True," Chris agreed his tone less than enthusiastic. "I get to see you and all I can do is will myself to keep away from you, because I know the moment I let that go I can't hold back."

"Chris," she spoke his name bewilderment. "Do you really think that all I need from you is some sort of contact? I see you and it makes me so much happier." she said and paused. "Just being near you...being able to actually see you and not have to hid what I feel for you, it makes it easier. Not better, cause nothing is better than being with you. Just easier."

Maybe it was a moment of absolute, utter, lunacy on his part or maybe he was just a man needing to feel close to the woman he was in love with that made it okay. That made taking her hand in his own the right thing to do.

Their fingers entwined and in that moment Chris was happy, he felt like everything in his screwed up world was set back on course and he was going to be all right, _they_ were going to be okay and happy and have a future. But the logical part of his brain had shut off automatically in the instant he had taken Stephanie's hand, so he'd live the lie and for that scares amount of time that they had together, he'd take that...because he couldn't have anything else.

One moment he had said all he could do was see her and the next her hand was in his and Stephanie hadn't expected it, if she had maybe she would have been better prepared and the gasp that escaped her lips wouldn't have happened and the shiver she felt surge through her wouldn't have been so obvious, but Chris always did have that sort of affect on her. She knew it was a moment of madness on his part, the whole thing was a series of moment after moment of madness - this wasn't going to end well, God how she knew that. But she honestly couldn't care, having this meant having an extra memory to remember of her and Chris and she wouldn't give up those for all the riches in the world.

"I started to forget how your hand fit in mine." Chris spoke, his eyes closed as he thought back to the last time he had done this.

"It's not important." Stephanie dismissed.

"But it is!" Chris assured her almost venomously. "I want to know everything about you. I can't stop at just knowing about the freckle between your shoulder blades or the scar on hip from where you ran into your father's desk when you were younger. I want every inch of your body implanted into my mind and trace every line of your body with my fingertips." he told her, pausing momentarily to think his next words through. _Should I?_ Sighing he thought to hell with it, _Whatever will be, will be, que sera, sera...or something like that. _"I just want you."

"Don't say that." Stephanie said with a tired sigh. "Because then I'll just tell you I want you too and then things will escalate and we'll just go through this over and over again and it never ends well Chris." she paused. "We'll never have that fairytale ending." she ended and felt him run his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand, it was soothing and she could almost believe that they could have that fairytale ending, she could believe the lie.

"Why do we do this?" he asked helplessly.

"Because we're meant for each other, but we can't have each other?" Stephanie pondered listlessly.

"That's about it." he agreed unhappily, looking at her, taking in everything about her until he finally gave in and pulled her to him. His arms wrapped around her waist and he felt her head rest against his chest and he knew he would rather die right at this moment than leave her and go home to someone else. He breathed in deeply and the scent of her shampoo assaulted his senses. He always lost himself when he remembered that smell.

As her head rested against his chest she felt his heartbeat and it brought back all the times she had fallen asleep in his arms. She just loved being in his arms they were the safest place she knew and who would want to leave a place like that? God, she'd never be able to let go now. Why did she do this to herself? _Why?_

He heard Stephanie sigh and he knew they couldn't stay like this, they had to leave each other in the past...where everything should be left, because this, this wasn't moving on. This was grasping at the end of a rope that was slowly slipping through their fingers. This had to end.

He kissed the top of her head and slowly pulled back from her and saw her bite her lip. Letting out a heavy breath he brought up his hand and trailed it down her cheek, memorizing it for that final time, because it had to be the last time. He couldn't keep doing this to her, he could keep her hanging on, he had to cut her free so she could live the life that the world had planned for her...even if he wasn't part of it. He had been for a while and he had the still pictures of her in his mind, he could live with that. He could...

Stephanie's grip on him loosened she couldn't keep him with her any longer, he had a family and he needed them more than her. Reaching up she placed a kiss on his cheek. Then much like head had done moments ago she reached up and her hand ran across his cheek and felt the coarseness of his beard beneath her hand before looking him in the eye and giving him that one last small, tearful smile. Breathing in she leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. Their last kiss.

"Goodbye." she whispered and before Chris could react she was out the door before he had a chance to say his own goodbye, because she knew she'd break if she heard him say those words to her.

Walking down the hallway she didn't think of him - _couldn't_ think of him - she just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and making it to the end of the hallway without falling to the ground in a hapless heap.

She could do it. She willed herself to do it.

She willed herself not to cry either, but that didn't stop the tear that ran down her cheek or the one that followed.

Nor the rest that came after.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Once again, thanks to the people who reviewed, I hope the chapters are enjoyable and everything. **

**Disclaimer: Chris and Stephanie are their own people, I'm sadly not the puppet master who controls their life.**

**Chapter 3 **

So, this was it. This was life without Chris. She expected it to be different somehow but it wasn't, not even in the slightest. The sun still came up every morning and time kept on ticking slowly by. The hustle and bustle of the day continued only to lull at the end of the working week. Nothing suddenly just stopped because she was hurting like no one else out there. Well, there was her heart...but that had started to slow the instant her grip had loosened and fell from him when she had told him goodbye.

Days had passed and merged into weeks. She hadn't seen him in weeks. Opting to lock herself away in her and Paul's locker room with the television shut off. She couldn't watch anything that revolved around the WWE. How could she stand to watch the show and see him enrapture millions under his spell and not run to him? One time she had been walking somewhere - taking longer routes just so she didn't accidentally come across him - and she had heard his music sound throughout the arena. It had assaulted her ears and she remembered falling back against a wall and taken a minute or five to regain her composure.

After that she had went and found Paul, told him she wasn't feeling well and headed back to their hotel room. She had hid away there for the rest of the night until Paul had come back and fell into bed next to her utterly exhausted. That night she had told herself she would avoid Chris at all costs and - as she had felt Paul's arm lay across her stomach its weight making her feel traped - unlike before she would stick to it.

And she had.

No matter how hard it was or how easy it would be to go find him and fall into his arms one more time.

"Stephanie?"

Her eyes lost the glazed look they had previously accustomed and she looked to her right. There he was, just not the right _he_ that she wanted. She didn't want Paul, he deserved better than having a wife that was so caught up in another man. "Yeah?" she replied, her tone far from attentive. _Tell him. _A voice urged her. _Tell him and it'll all be over._ It was right, she should just tell him. But she didn't...what would that solve in a relationship that was no more?

"I'm heading to the gym." he let her know.

"Okay." she mumbled. She didn't care if he was leaving for another state and she was left alone while he worked. It didn't matter who she was with or what she was doing, she'd catch the slightest glimpse of blonde out of the corner of her eye, talk to someone and realize that their eyes were bright blue or she could simply see a smile like his and she would be filled with all these images of Chris. Images she told herself to forget. They didn't matter now, they couldn't if she was ever to let him go. But the blonde was never quite right and no matter how bright blue their eyes were, they were never as intense as Chris's. She couldn't tell what they were thinking or what they were feeling, not like she could so easily do with Chris and the smiles she saw didn't make her weak at the knees or swoon like some crazed fan who finally met their idol.

No...no matter what no one matched up to him.

"I'll be back in an hour or two." Paul told her walking up to where she sat, leaning down and kissed her hurriedly on the cheek. It was all she could do not to pull back and shrink away from him. She had to play her role of a loving wife and maybe if she played the part long enough she would confirm to the role and all thoughts of Chris would leave her head. Slowly, but they would leave and she wouldn't spend most of her waking moments wishing she could just be near him that one last time.

"Bye." she said almost mechanically her voice void of any sort of emotion.

She could have swore Paul had looked at her strangely before he had closed the door behind him, but she couldn't be sure as she hadn't been paying that much attention to him, her mind dwelling on other thing, Chris thing, memories of Chris...happy memories of a pleasanter time.

Sighing in frustration she stood up and walked into the kitchen. Her mind was the only thing betraying her. Her body kept away from him just fine. Yes, she yearned to be next to him, to feel his touch again but that wasn't going to happen. Her mind needed to figure that out soon or else she didn't know what was going to happen. Wasn't there a switch somewhere that you could flick and just switch off the memories you didn't want to remember? Could it not be that easy? Couldn't she just catch a break for a change? Did she have to wake up ever damn day and have him as her first thought? Didn't she deserve to forget? She couldn't have him anymore and all she wanted to was forget. It hurt to remember, it was like it had seeped deep inside her and every thought of him cause her body to ache. Would she wake one morning to find herself unable to move because the weight of her memories caused her such anguish?

Opening the fridge she took out a bottle of water and opened it. She drank it down with gusto, the water soothing the lump that had collected in the back of her throat. _Oh, what a happy life my life is._ She thought, her inner voice full of self-loathing. Moving across to the kitchen counter she sat her water on top of it and then went and sat at the kitchen table. She rested her head in her hands and wondered idly if she looked as unhappy as she felt.

There was a time she remembered when she was like this before. Before it ever had anything to do with Chris. Before when all she thought about was Paul and her future with him and the fights that they constantly seemed to be having and how they never seemed to agree on anything. How the slightest disagreement escalated into a full out row. That was the beginning of all of this.

That was how Chris and her started.

_She had sat despondently in the buildings deserted cafeteria. She and Paul had, had an argument yet again over the simplest thing and she was getting tired of it. She tried to think of the last time that they had an actual conversation that didn't end in them snipping at each other or them arguing incessantly over nothing. Sighing heavily she just wished she could escape. Run away and live a life that didn't involve wrestling or her family or Paul. But McMahon's didn't run from their problems, they faced them head on and never backed down._

_God, she hated her name right then and there._

_She rested her head against her hand and sighed again. This wasn't a life...this was an excuse of an existence. _

"Well, well, well!" a voice rang out almost gleefully. "If it isn't my very own filthy, dirty, disgusting, brut-" 

_"Jericho, just stop." Stephanie whispered dejectedly._

_Chris's smirk faltered as he heard her tone and for the life of him he didn't know where the feeling of concern that he felt towards her appeared from. He pulled the chair opposite her out and took a seat and then just looked at her. She hardly looked like the woman he saw on television and damn him for feeling sorry for her. The last thing Princess Stephanie would ever want would be someone feeling sorry towards her.  
__  
"What?" she snapped, Chris was never this quiet and it was starting to unnerve her. _

"What's wrong with you?" he asked her, like she was a friend of his. They weren't friends. He almost chuckled, him and Stephanie would never be friends. They would never be anything but work colleagues and this concern he was showing towards her...it was nothing. He was only curious, that was all.

"What do you care?" she wondered, not actually believing she was having a conversation with this man. She was sure they hadn't spoke more than two words backstage if she were lucky. Her and Chris...they would never be nothing more than passing faces in a crowd to each other. 

_"I have no idea," he told her honestly. "But humor me and answer me, okay? Save me from looking like a total idiot." he finished with a smile that he sent her way. Why was he being friendly towards her? _She looks like she needs a friend. Stop questioning it and go with it.

_"Oh, I don't think anything can stop you looking idiotic Jericho," Stephanie joked, smiling back at him. She hadn't had a conversation that didn't result in an argument in a long time. This was almost refreshing._

_"I knew you could do it," he spoke referring to her smile. It unnerved him a little how seeing her smile made him feel happy inside, but he pushed that thought out of his head, it wasn't important. "Tell me what's wrong," he asked again. "I promise I won't broadcast it out on national tv."_

_Sighing, she let her hand fall onto the table below her and looked at him. He looked genuine enough. What was the worst that could happen? She tells him how crappy her life was at that moment and then they went their separate ways? She could live with that. "I can't believe I'm saying this to you," she let him know with a small laugh. "My life isn't what I want right now. If I could change it, I would in a heartbeat Chris."_

_He leaned back in the chair he sat on and took her in. He had never seen her like this and his mind couldn't help point out that she had actually called him by his first name. There really was a first time for everything. "You don't like your life? How is that possible?" he asked her stumped. She had everything, what could she possible want._

_"What could the girl with everything possibly want, huh?" Stephanie asked and Chris was sure she had read his mind somehow. "How about for starters," she began. "Paul and I having an actual conversation where he doesn't fly off of the handle because, heaven forbid, I suggest we eat out that night. Or what about me visiting my family and my father not being a grade A ass? I'd take that. Then there's this company, don't get me wrong I love it, it's forever in my blood, I just hate the direction my father is taking it and the contracts he signs." she told him unhappily. "Sometimes I just want to escape even if it's only for a day."_

_Apparently everyone had their woes with the world and Stephanie wasn't an exception. He leaned towards the table and his hand snaked across the table and took Stephanie's hand in his and he noted with some amusement how her eyes widened considerably. "Don't freak now Princess, you won't get cooties." he informed her with a smirk. "It's going to be okay you know? You just have to fight through it and I know you can and once you do that, you'll be fine."_

_"But why do I have to fight huh? Why me?" she stressed. "Don't I deserve a break as well? Don't I deserve some fun?" she asked helplessly, pulling her hand from Chris's grasp and standing. She started to pace and noted that Chris stood as well. "Paul's so busy trying to become the top wrestler in the business, how do I tell him that there are wrestler out there that surpass him in every way? That his mic skills are average at best, that he'll never be on top of the world? That just because he's a Champion, that doesn't make him great." Stephanie asked him imploringly._

_Chris didn't know what to do, he didn't have the answers or the pleasantries to make her feel better. He walked up to her and stopped in front of her making her pacing halt. He lifted a hand and placed it on one of her shoulders, he couldn't get past how overwhelmed she looked, he had never seen her like this before. She looked lost, like she had lost the sole thing that made her life the least bit happy. He didn't know if that was Paul or something completely different, but he hoped she would find that again, even if it was only for a little while. He didn't know why he did it, he didn't randomly go around hugging people he hardly knew, but he brought her into his arms and hugged her. It was awkward at first, the instant he had pulled her to him she had stiffened in his embrace, but after a moment she relaxed and he found himself doing so as well._

_"I don't have fancy words to make everything okay in your life Steph," he began and had to question himself over the use of her nickname. Weren't they used as a term of endearment? "But you're not the only one having problems. Jess and me, my wife, we're slowly pulling away from each other. I know it, and I should stop it but...something keeps stopping me. Maybe it's the business that's causing the rift or some outside force I haven't figured out yet, but relationships they're not easy. If they're easy, where's the fun in that?" He didn't quite know why he was telling her this stuff, why he felt he could so easily open up to her, maybe it was something about her he hadn't figure out yet. Wouldn't figure, because after this he didn't expect any sort of friendship to develop, but that didn't stop him for helping her the best he could. "Things are just going to happen the way they happen. You. Me. We don't have any say over them. We're pawns in the end game. I have to admit to you though, that I'm glad that I don't know the big picture, that I don't know how my life is planned out because I like the surprises Steph, it's what makes life that little bit more bearable."_

_She looked up at him then and gave him an honest to God smile. He didn't know if his words had helped or if it was just because he was there to listen, but when she smiled if made him feel good. It made him feel something and maybe that's why he found himself leaning in, forsaking all the consequences that his action would no doubt cause and when his lips met hers, he would swear down on his life that he had never felt that kind of feeling surge through him before. Not even with his wife. He expected her to pull away, what right did he have to kiss her? But she didn't and that shocked him. But it didn't stop him._

_Stephanie for her own part couldn't believe she was actually kissing him back. She was married and here she was kissing a man she hardly even knew. But the feeling of his lips against her own it was like nothing she had ever felt before so she didn't stop him, didn't stop herself either. To her surprise she felt herself lift her hand and bring it to his face and move herself closer to him. She was drowning in him she realized as she felt herself flush against him. It was like a fire had started and spread throughout her body. She was certainly in an exceedingly unusual, albeit not necessarily unpleasant situation...that she didn't plan on stopping anytime soon. Why not live in the moment? It wasn't like this was going to happen again._

_They had derailed off the tracks of their lives at that moment and collided with each other. _

Once they were back on their own path this would be forgotten. It would. 

Those were simpler times and _that_ was the last memory she would lose herself in. It was times like that, that she hated and wanted so badly in life again. Reaching for her cell phone she accessed her contact list and scrolled down to his number. She would not call him again, she had resisted temptation for weeks and she was not going to blow all of that on the weakness of a memory. It was time to move on. To forget Chris, or at least try to anyway. Saying goodbye to him was the first step, now all she had to do was follow through.

Clicking on the options on his name and number she looked at them till she saw the one she wanted; call, edit, delete. There it was mocking her, pressing the button down, she moved down until she had highlighted delete and paused. Could she really do this? Could she erase his number, making the final contact she had to him null and void?

She had to or else she would hold onto him forever and that just wouldn't do. He wasn't going to suddenly become free of his responsibilities and be hers. She was a realist after all and realists didn't wallow in the past. Confirming the action his name was gone. Another name replacing where his used to sit. It was done now.

Standing she left her cell behind as she walked away.

This was the right thing to do. It was.

Thought she found herself wondering, if this was the right thing to do, how did her heart ache with each step she took?

Why was it numb when she reached the stairs that took her up to her bedroom?

And how come it was dead by the time she fell lifelessly down to her bed?

**Hopefully you enjoyed that, and if you did why not review it and let me know what you thought. It's poliet after all.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reviewing, I love reviews and it's good to know that someone is reading the story. )**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, not even a dime, sad huh?**

**Chapter 4**

He watched his son as he slept, he had put him to bed ten minutes ago, told him a story about some Prince being brave and rescuing his Princess from some man she didn't belong with. The Prince with his golden hair rode up on his horse, grasping the Princesses hand and pulled her onto his horse, her dark locks flowing in the wind as they rode off for a new start in another kingdom far, far away. If his story resembled anything of Stephanie and him he didn't show it. Over the weeks he had become a master of hiding his emotions, pretending he was a happy man, where in fact he wore a fragile porcelain mask that he knew could crack at anytime. He wasn't happy he was sedated. Ash was his only joy in those long days that crept into night.

Leaning forward he kissed the top of Ash's head and tucked his covers into him some more, making sure he was comfortable before silently leaving the room. He left the door open a crack in case Ash woke up and needed to come find him. Jessica had gone to visit her mother two days earlier leaving him and Ash on their own. With a sigh, he knew he should have missed her but it was almost a relief of sorts, she was one lesser face he had to pretend to. 

He did wish Ash wasn't asleep yet, he was a boundless load of energy that kept him distracted to the point of exhaustion but when he settled for the night, it left him alone. Alone with his thoughts and he couldn't run or hide from them no matter how badly he wanted to.

Making his way downstairs he made his way out to his backyard. It was a warm night and the moon as usual was high in the sky, but Chris had never felt as cold as he did at that point, his surroundings dull and lifeless to his eyes. He welcomed the darkness that came with the night as it hid any and all emotion that came across his face, if he stared ahead of him he wouldn't have to question the utter desolation that covered it. He could pretend for that moment in between heartbeats that his life wasn't some sort of lie.

It was almost laughable how pathetic he was becoming. Chris Jericho was anything but pathetic, but Chris Jericho was a persona he projected to audience's world wide, he was merely Chris Irvine, a man married to the wrong woman. He had loved Jessica once upon a time but they had been drifting so slowly apart for years and in that time he had fallen out of love. He still cared for her don't get him wrong, he hadn't spent those years with her to suddenly lose all feelings for her.

But she wasn't Stephanie.

And he loved Stephanie. He had kidded himself at the beginning of their relationship, that it was nothing more than some harmless fling with the bosses daughter and that the danger of them getting caught was an adrenaline rush that sweetened the deal. But as time moved on and the more time they spent together the more he got to know her and the more he started to fall for her. When he realized he had completely fallen for her it had been one of those everyday happenings, it wasn't some spectacular incident that caused him to gasp in awe and then just blurt it out unconsciously. He hadn't even been with her at the time in fact, he had walked into the arena where they were working that night and he had come across her talking to a technician. Well, maybe talking wasn't the right word, yelling, yeah that was more appropriate. There was some problem with the pyrotechnics for that night and Stephanie was not happy one bit. It was the way her hair flew widely as her anger rose and the look he saw in her eyes. And he had realized in that moment he had never wanted her more.

After she had dealt with the problem she had turned and saw him and the smile she had sent his way was solely for him and he knew he always wanted to make her smile at him that way. He had sent her a small smile back and watched her walk away and as he turned to do the same, _'I love her,'_ had floated through his head and he had smiled again and reminded himself to tell her later on. He loved Stephanie McMahon. He really did.

He loved the nights they had together, her touch, the way she looked in the morning sun, her laughter and her smiles. The way her hair fell over her face when she blushed. He loved the fact he got to see her blush, that he was privileged enough to see her like that. He thought her quirks were cute; how she did any crossword puzzle in pen because she was so confident that her answers were right, how she read the ending of a book first, just so she knew how it ended in case she never got to finish it.

He could watch her for hours on end and never get tired of watching her.

A smile touched his lips as he remembered all of this but it slowly slipped away as he realized that he shouldn't be thinking this. He needed to move on like they had said they would.

But it was hard. How could he give up on one of the most important people in his life? How could he just let her leave?

Like he had the first time.

_He watched her walk into his locker room, the smile on her face making him hate what he was about to tell her. It wasn't going to be fair to her one bit and more than anything he didn't want to cause her any upset. But it was unavoidable. He himself had been shocked to the core when he had been told, so much so that he had needed time to fully adjust to what that meant. They couldn't carry this on, oh, he wanted to, but it just wouldn't work. He wanted Stephanie to be his so badly, he had even planned on telling Jessica so he could be with her, but the best laid plans always seemed to get screwy and never work out. _

_She walked over to where he was sitting and leaned down and kissed him. He couldn't deny her this...he couldn't deny himself it either. Bringing his hands to her hips her lifted her and brought her on to his lap. He felt one of her hands run through his hair and an arm slip around his neck, he was besotted with this woman and he was stalling mercifully. His hand moved from her hips and one rested one the base of her back while the other trailed lightly up and down her arms. He could feel her shiver at his touch and it almost made him want to fall apart right then and there. She pulled away slightly but he couldn't let her go, his lips were on her almost instantly again and he heard her gasp of surprise, but he was beyond thinking coherently at that moment. He was beyond thinking of anything except her. _

_His lips smashed against her lips hungrily, like this was the last time he would ever get to do this, and in a way it was and he needed to remember every feeling and emotion that went through him. He nipped at her bottom lip and his tongue dueled with her own as he deepened the kiss. If he could freeze this moment and live it for the rest of his life he would. If it was possible he would do it and never look back. She was straddling him now and he pulled her closer, he needed this, he needed this like the air he breathed. _

_He wondered if his door was locked. If it wasn't anyone could walk in, but in that moment of her lips burning his own and her body against his making them almost one, he couldn't give a damn. He'd lift her up and push whoever had interrupted them out and then lock the door leaving them in their own little world, where nothing could break them apart._

_He pulled away this time and his hands reached up and cupped her face. Her face was flushed and her eyes showed her want. Giving her a sad smile he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I love you." he whispered brokenly looking down._

_She frowned at his tone and reached a hand to his chin, lifting it so he was looking at her. "I love you too," she told him, looking concerned. "Chris," she spoke his name, her voice sounding fearful. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing's wrong." he lied, his voice cracking at the end. "Nothing at all." he repeated quietly, his lost eyes searching her own for some sort of escape._

_"There is." Stephanie replied her tone determined. "Tell me."_

_He didn't want to tell her, he just wanted to hold her and be happy and forget everything that wasn't her. He didn't want to step out of this room and have reality hit him in the face, thus bringing the weight of the world on to his shoulders again, like it had since he had found out. "I don't want to tell you." he sighed dejectedly. "I don't want to hurt you."_

_"How can you hurt me?" she wondered with a smile. "You love me."_

_"I do, I really do." he told her, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips. "But that doesn't mean what I have to tell you won't hurt you." he explained, his hands searching for her own. When he found them he brought one up and kissed the back of it lightly. "Such perfect hands," he mumbled. "They fit so perfectly in mine." His hand reluctantly let go of her own and traveled up her arms. "And these arms, these strong, strong arms, I love them when they're wrapped around me, holding on to me." he told her looking away for a second lost in thought and then just as suddenly looking back, his eyes staring into her own. "Then there's your face, God your face and all it's beauty. It invades my dreams and I see your eyes light up when you see me and that mischievous look you get when you know you're going to have me do something for you." he trailed off wistfully. "How can I tell you what I have to and watch your face fall?" he wondered helplessly. "How can I watch that happen and have my heart not break?"_

"You just have too," Stephanie told him, her face crestfallen. "You just...let it all out and hope the end result isn't as bad as you expected."

_"But what if I know it will be?"_

_"Then you just have to anyway." she told him her eyes searching his for any kind of answer. If she figured it out and said it first, she would save him all that he was feeling and if she could do that, maybe she could make it better. "Just tell me."_

_"Jessica's pregnant." He literally felt the air leave Stephanie like she had been smacked in the stomach. Oh, he was the master of delivering news. More than anything he wanted to smack himself, for doing that. Stephanie deserved better._

_"Oh." she breathed out and he waited for more but it never came._

_"She told me when I went home." he elaborated further, his voice shaky._

_"Oh." It seemed she had yet to get past his previous bombshell._

_"Stephanie?" he questioned. Her face was just blank, there was no emotion at all and that worried him._

_"That's...well, she is your wife...so that's..." she stammered "Congratulations?" And that was when her voice cracked and her face fell and he felt like a worthless piece of scum for telling her the way he did. He just wanted to get past the bad. He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head on his shoulder and he smoothed his hand over her hair._

"I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't expect it ever...I didn't...we hadn't...and I was..." he stuttered out at a loss for words. He felt wetness on his neck and he closed his eyes wishing he could wake up from this nightmare. "Shh," he whispered trying to soothe her. "It's going to be okay."

_"No it's not." Stephanie choked out her voice heavy with tears. "You're going to have a baby and I can't be in your life anymore." _

_The silence that filled the room after she said that was painful to both their ears. Chris knew it was true, he didn't want it to be, but that didn't make it any less truthful. Stephanie knew she had to accept it, Chris wasn't hers to keep, especially not now._

_"I have to try," he whispered into her ear. "I thought it through and I can't just leave my baby. I can't bring it into this world and not be there for it a hundred percent. I have to try with Jessica, I have to." he told miserably. "I just don't know if I can let you go."_

_Pulling away from him Stephanie stood up and backed away from him. "You have too." she told him with a shaky resolve. "I can't be in your life anymore. You," she paused. "Just have to open up your hand and let me fall so you can concentrate on what's important."_

_"But you're important to me!" he told her ardently, standing up and walking to her. _

_"But I can never be as important as your child." _

_And that killed Chris, Stephanie had been his number one for such a long time and now she had to share that spot. "I won't stop loving you." he told her venomously walking closer to her, taking her hands again and resting his forehead against hers. "You're everything to me Stephanie, I may not have realized that when this all began, but I do now and I want you to know that every memory we made together will never leave my head. You and me, we'll be the only two who get to relive those times and remember how happy we were and what we had."_

_Stephanie couldn't hold it together anymore, she kissed him desperately, clawing at his back as she hopelessly tried to hold on, as she tried to make one last footprint in the past with him. The last thing she expected tonight was to be leaving him behind as he started a family...a family that didn't include her. She was at the sidelines watching from a far and would forever be doing so._

_At first she had thought this as an escape from the misery of her life, being with Chris had made her feel free. How could she have possible have known then that down the line she would have loved him? How was she to know that for the first time since she had realized that she loved him, that she would have to face a future without him? That the hope her heart had slowly started to gather was now crushed under the reality of his words? _

_Pulling back and breathing heavily, she kept her gaze on the ground. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."_

_"No, it's okay," Chris told her barely holding his composure together. "You needed it and I'd be a fool to tell you that I didn't either, because I did. I needed you one last time"_

_"Yeah," Stephanie agreed her voice hollow as she finally looked up. She had to get out of here, she couldn't look at Chris and not want to just want to be held by him, or kiss him like she just had or tell him over and over how much she loved him. She'd never cuddle into his side as he ran his fingers through her hair as she told him about her day, or laugh at his incredibly stupid jokes that only she got or...just be with him again. "I-I should go."_

_She could tell from the look on his face that, that was the last thing he wanted to happen but it didn't stop him from nodding in agreement. _

_She walked backwards until she backed up into the door, not being able to look away from him. Her hand found the handle and she twisted it and it felt like she was twisting her heart because it hurt to walk away from him. "I-I'll see you around." She didn't actually expect to see him around, because she didn't know if she could bring herself to actual see him and not want him. _

_She stepped out of the door and walked out of his life and Chris was glad he was near the sofa in his locker room when his legs gave way, because he would no doubt have sank to the ground otherwise. _

_That was it. It was over._

Chris had moved back into his house and picked up a beer on his way to his office. He had to wonder why he always sought that place out whenever his mind was on Stephanie. Again he took the photo out of his drawer as he sat behind his desk. Saying goodbye to Stephanie had been hard and he tried to block that memory out, but it surfaced every now and then and he was left in the aftermath of the hurt it still caused him.

His fingers traced over her face in the picture and he couldn't help but give her a rueful smile, he loved her so much and he doubted that would ever change. He was Stephanie's for life and, yes, it was pitiful that he still needed her after all this time.

He had to move on, the only problem was that he had no idea how to. This picture in his hand wasn't helping matters. He should probably lock it away somewhere that would be safe, but that wouldn't stop him from going there and taking it out again and again. He'd be caught up in it for the rest of his life.

He made a decision and took one last look at the picture.

Then he ripped it.

He ripped it again and again until all that was left was little shreds of paper.

He stood and walked from his office, wiping a hand across his eye.

He didn't look back. He couldn't look at that pile of paper pieces on his desk.

He couldn't look back at it, because he knew his heart was the same way.

Shredded and impossible to put back together.


	5. Chapter 5

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**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reviewing, as always I love reviews and it's good to know that someone is reading the story. )**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, wish i did.**

**Chapter 5**

Days moved on and he found himself not thinking about her. He wasn't lost in thought every moment in some memory that some insignificant thing had caused him to think of. He no longer woke up and had his first thought automatically be about her. He didn't look at Jessica anymore and wish that she was Stephanie. He was moving on. Moving on with his wife and he was happy to leave Stephanie in the past. Where stuff like that belonged.

Of course he told himself this everyday, like a mantra, but it didn't make his words true. Stephanie wasn't his first thought every morning because she had already been his last thought at night that simply continued in his sleep. He was far from happy with Jessica and he would even venture out and say that he was utterly miserable with his life with her. Every time he rolled over and saw her face looking back at him instead of Stephanie's the distance between them got all the more larger. An endless, empty void separating them, causing a rift that was un-repairable. He didn't want blonde hair all over his pillow, he wanted Stephanie's wavy brown like he was so used to seeing. Her touches were nothing compared to Stephanie's, they were dull and he more often than not shrank away from them now. They were almost an affliction to him, coarse and rough.

Why he didn't leave her he didn't know. That was a lie. He knew why he stayed with her; partly it was because he didn't want to hurt her, but mostly it was because of his energetic-hockey-loving little boy. Ash was the light to his otherwise drab and lacklustre days. It amazed him how he would watch Ash and see his growth of intelligence on a daily basis. In fact it amazed him how fast children could adapt and pick things up. But Ash wasn't with him now he was home in Florida with his mother while he was hundreds of miles away in a state he couldn't even remember the name of.

Another day, another show...

Another day, another show, another week and another month. A month. That was how long he had been able to stay away from her. He hadn't seen her backstage, in any meetings the roster had or...just around.

Walking down the corridor of the arena he emptied his mind of anything Stephanie or Jessica or the things he just couldn't handle right now. He needed some sort of distraction.

"Yo' man wait up."

And there was his distraction. Jay, with his mindless babble and pointless conversations.

He slowed his walk and let Jay catch up with him. "What's up man?"

"Just wanted to catch up with you, you've been Mr. Invisible lately." Jay pointed out. "I knock on your door and you don't even answer," he continued looking at Chris like he was crazy. "What's up with that dude? You're not feeling the Jay love?" he finished jokingly.

Chris had to smirk at Jay's actions he sure knew how to bring someone out of their funk. It felt good to feel amused again, hell, it felt good to feel anything except depressed, verging on the cusp of morose. "I'm sorry man, I haven't been feeling great the past couple of weeks." It wasn't an outright lie, he felt hellish whenever he was apart from Stephanie.

"Yeah, I've been getting that." Jay let him know. "Trish called out to you about a week or two back and you totally ignored her. Didn't turn around or anything." he told him, with a frown.

"Damn," Chris spoke out with a sigh, he hadn't even realised he had done that. "I'm sorry Jay, tell her I'm real sorry, it's just that I've had a lot on my mine lately."

"You okay man?"

"I've had better days, but I'm fine." Chris lied, he was far from ever being fine.

"You know if you're coming down a cold, you really should do something about it before it gets worse." Jay pointed out trying to help, but Chris didn't think it could get any worse than it already had.

"Yeah I'll keep that in mind, thanks man." he said throwing Jay a smile. It was forced and felt fake even to him so he had no idea how Jay hadn't seen it for that as well. Maybe he had, but decided to let it go. Maybe Jay had questions about how exhausted he looked and why his eyes were almost black due to hardly any sleep and why his performance in the ring was unusually sluggish. Maybe he had questions for all of those, but he didn't ask them and Chris was relieved because he didn't have any answer that didn't involve Stephanie's name.

He noted that Jay's eyes were questioning though, but he still kept his questions to himself and Chris was glad for the slight bit of luck he seemed to be having right then. It wouldn't last, but he would take it where he got it.

"So, tonight dude, you, me and beer. What'd you say?" Jay asked with a grin.

Chris paused a moment and declined. Drink would make him worse and he had to keep control of his downward spiral. If he drowned his sorrows with alcohol he might as well have signed his own death warrant, because he would have gone to her and he wouldn't have cared if Paul had been there or not. He would have found his way to where she was and knocked on her door until one of them answered and professed his love for her and in result get a smack in the face at the hands of her husband. God, that word left a bitter taste in his mouth, she shouldn't be with anyone other than him. Maybe he would drink until he could hardy walk and go find her and tell her and tell him, so she could leave with him and then Paul would find out how cold it was when she wasn't in his arms and how bland a life he would have to live because the most important part of his life was inches out of his reach. Yes, if he did that maybe Paul would experience everything that he was feeling right now without her.

But in the end that would solve nothing.

"Dude!" Jay's impatient voice fought through the haze he had unconsciously built around him in that instant.

"What?" he wondered his tone anything but attentive.

"What is going on in your head Chris?" Jay asked him, his tone highly concerned. "It's not drugs is it?" he asked as a follow-up his eyes wide.

That caused Chris to chuckle and the vibrations that flew through his body were foreign to him. "I wish it was that simple man, I really do." he answered with a rueful smile. "Drugs you can fix, this...this is beyond fixable."

"Okay Chris," Jay started, worriedly. "Tell me what's wrong, I'm your best bud man, if you can't tell me then who can you tell?"

"It's nothing Jay," he lied again. This was his to deal with and deal with alone. Sure, it may have been better to tell him the truth and let some of the weight fall from his shoulders but the wounds were still too raw to reopen again and if he did, he didn't think he could handle the truth. The truth that Stephanie and him were no more. That they were finished, ended, nada, no longer of this existence, not anything, not a thing, nothingness, zilch. Sucking in a sharp breath his mind swam at the implications of those words. Everything Stephanie and he had, had would not be reduced to a handful of words that meant they were over. They would never be over, not to him, no matter how hard he tried to let her go and let her move on. She was his for life whether she was with him or not. "Honestly." he whispered and he didn't know if he could sound anymore broken if he tried.

"Chris..." Jay started at a loss for words. He had never seen his friend like this before. He didn't have a clue what to do, or say as it appeared. "...it'll be all right man." That was lame he knew and from the looks of it, it hadn't even registered with Chris.

"Yeah," Chris replied distractedly, his mind obviously on something else, something more important. "It'll all be fine and we can go on with our lives and we can be sorry for what we did to them, but we'll be together and in this grand scheme of life, that's all that matters. That's all that's important. We're together and...we got what we wanted in the end." _Each other._

"Chris, who are you talking too?"

Shaking his head Chris looked at Jay like it was the first time he had seen him that whole day. "Huh?"

"Maybe we should take you to go see the trainers?" Jay suggested his hands moving up to Chris's shoulders, leading him that way. "Maybe you have some sort of concussion from your match earlier that they missed. Yeah, they must have missed something."

Shrugging off Jay's hands, Chris stopped walking. "I'm fine Jay." he stressed. "I don't have a concussion. I didn't land wrong on any move. I just have to get out of here that's all." he explained.

"Are you sur-"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Chris snapped and he regretted it instantly as he saw Jay step back. "Man, I'm sorry. It's just," he faltered. "Life?"

"I-if you're sure?" Jay stuttered out not wanting to get on the wrong side of him.

"I just gotta get out of here." Chris told him nodding, his voice sounding lost. He was in the same building as her, and he could easily go find her and hold her and it killed him that he couldn't. His arms weren't around her waist and her head wasn't resting on his chest like they were so accustomed too. "I'll be better next time, you'll see. I'll be right as rain."

"Well then I'll walk you-" Jay began but Chris cut him off.

"No." he told him simply. "Thanks for the offer but I'll be fine."

"Okay..." Jay trailed off. "Then I'll just," he told Chris moving his thumb in the direction he was going to go. "Head that way and I'll see you around..."

"Cool." Chris answered and watched him start to walk away. He didn't turn to walk away himself until he saw Jay turn the corner up ahead at the end of the corridor.

From his actions just then, he had no doubt that Jay was looking for a suitable mental asylum to put him in until he recovered. But how could he tell his best friend that he had fallen in love with a woman that wasn't his wife? But was Vince McMahon's daughter. His married daughter and that if they finally gave in and got together they would ruin two marriages. Jay would hardly turn around and go _'Duuude, you scored! So the next Champion will be you huh?'_ He'd be pissed. Yeah, Jay was everything, but he was never a cheat. He and Trish were celebrating their three year anniversary this year. And before that he had a six year relationship that had ended amicably. Jay wasn't that kind of man and Chris hadn't been either not until he had got so caught up in Stephanie.

He _really_ needed to get out of this place.

His locker room wasn't to far away and as he turned the corner he was glad that it was close. He looked up to make sure he was heading in the right direction and he wished he hadn't. If he hadn't he wouldn't have seem them and his stomach wouldn't feel nauseous and he wouldn't feel like he just got smacked with a ton of bricks.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen them together before, because he had and it killed him every time, he just hadn't ever seen them like this. She was in his arms. Paul's arms and not his. Her head was resting on Paul's chest and not _his_. It literally felt like someone had reached into him and started to squeeze his heart relentlessly, just waiting for it to explode. This felt worse than being dead. This was like being stuck in limbo watching this scene over and over again.

So she had moved on.

That was good. Now he didn't have to worry about her. He was glad for her, for both of them actually. Stephanie and...Paul. He should walk up to him slap him on the back and tell him to take care of her, that her heart needed to always be safe. But his feet wouldn't move and he doubted that he was even breathing, and his vision was blurry. _Why was it blurry?_ Reaching up he rubbed his eyes with his hand and then brought it back down. Tears. Oh, that explained it then. He felt them now. He could feel the wetness run down his cheeks and he didn't even care that he was in the middle of a hallway and anyone who was anyone could see him.

He just didn't care anymore.

He couldn't see her face, but he hoped she was smiling because he loved her smile. Taking one last lingering look at them he saw Stephanie's arms reach up and hold onto Paul and with a heavy heart he turned back and walked the way he came. He'd come back later and get his things...he'd just go wait in his car right now. Walk out there and sit in it until he saw everyone leave and then he'd go back in and get his things. That's what he'd do and that's what he did. Sitting alone with nothing but his cutting thoughts.

If he could have seen her face though, he would have saw that it was anything but happy. She hadn't been happy since her fingers deleted his name and her eyes shone with the pain that she felt. It was so prominent that only the blind or the foolish could miss it. Maybe that was why Paul couldn't tell any difference between that look or the grieving look she wore so well. Maybe he was to foolish too think that she had nothing to worry about or to blind to see that she was slowly dying without Chris.

Chris would have noticed she knew that. Chris noticed everything about her. He had listed them one day, surprising her that he would go to such lengths to show her how much he took notice of her. He had said once he got past the first layer she had been like a book that was so easy to read and he'd never tire of the subject. He especially loved the way she chewed on her lip when she was nervous or the way her nose crinkled as she noticed something disgusting or how she laughed when his feather light touches tickled her side.

She was slowly sinking without him and she needed to grasp onto something to keep her afloat, so when her arms reached out and found something solid she clung to it for dear life. She didn't realise it was Paul though, to lost in her downfall that she couldn't see anything but the impending darkness.

She had no doubt that she would succumb to it soon. Open her arms and fall back.

Drowning her in her abyss of despair.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reviewing and sticking with this story. I really appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: Chris and Stephanie own themselves and whichever they chose to do with themselves and each other is completely up to them.**

**Chapter 6**

"Jessica," Chris yelled out. "Have you seen my AC/DC t-shirt?"

"The black or white one?" she questioned yelling back.

"The black one," Chris's voice came from behind her causing her jump.

"Don't do that Chris," she admonished with a giggle, slapping him on his chest. "You scared me."

"Sorry," he apologized with a smile. "But have you seen it?"

"Nope," she told him, her eyes taking in his half naked body. "But I have to say, I'm really not all that worried about it." she continued her voice taking on a husky tone as she walked up to him and trailed a hand down his chest.

"Jess..." Chris trailed off, he was not in the mood for this.

"C'mon baby," she teased, leaning in and kissing his neck. "Ash is with your father and we don't have to worry about him tonight. Forget about it and I'll show you just how relaxed I can make you."

She thought they hadn't been together because of Ash? God, how severely clueless was she? Not touching her or kissing her or being affectionate to her had nothing to do with that, and everything to do with her not being Stephanie. It was ironic really, how he felt unfaithful to Stephanie if he was with Jessica. Jessica was his wife for God sakes, and he hadn't touched her in months because he never wanted to be with anyone other than Stephanie.

"Jessica, I have a meeting to go to," he told her his voice leaving no leeway for any sort of argument. "We're not doing this now."

"But Chris," Jessica whined pulling back, only to smirk seconds later. "I can make you very happy." she promised as her hand moved down his body. Her smirk only widened as she saw his eyes go wide, but she lost it all together as he jumped back like he had been scalded.

"Damn it Jessica!" he shouted, glaring at her. He couldn't do this with her anymore, didn't she get that? "I said no."

"You know something Chris," she spoke glaring right back at him. "I'm getting so sick of this. Every time I touch you, you back away like I shouldn't be. I'm your wife! If anything you should love me touching you!"

"I have a meeting." he stressed. If he kept that lie up, that the meeting was the only reason he didn't want to do this right now, then he could get through this and if he could get through this, then maybe he could get through all of this.

"You always have something Chris," Jessica said in disgust. "A meeting, someplace to be, there's a game on television _'Jess, I'll be up in a while.'_ Chris, I wake up and find you sleeping on the sofa." she listed his excuses and then looked at him. "Are you having an affair?"

Chris wanted to laugh, oh, he really and truly did. There it was. That would have been his way out of this relationship. This would have been his chance to escape and be with Stephanie, if there was a relationship with Stephanie, but there wasn't. Not anymore. "No, Jessica," he told her. Sure, he wasn't completely honest but he wasn't being completely dishonest either. "I am not having an affair."

"Then what is the matter?" she asked him helplessly.

"Nothing." Oh, he was sick of saying that. He would explode if one more person asked him that.

"It's not nothing Chris," Jessica sighed heavily. "It's more than that, I can see it when I look at you. I am not blind." she continued walking closer to him again. Her hand reached up and cupped his face. "I just want to make us better."

Chris would have responded if he wasn't too busy comparing her touch to Stephanie's and realizing that Stephanie would always come out on top when compared to Jessica. Nobody touched him like Stephanie did, no one could make his body ache with want as much as Stephanie did.

"Chris, tell me what's wrong."

"Everything's fine." he whispered.

"Lair." Jessica stated simply with an edge to her voice. "I'm getting sick of this."

So was Chris, he was slowly reaching his breaking point and he didn't know if he could hold back if he fell over that edge between safe and all hell breaks loose. "Forget about the t-shirt, I'll find another one." he muttered.

"That's just like you," she sneered at him. "Change the subject, run away from your problems. Yeah, you're a big man Chris." Turning she left him standing there alone. He didn't follow her to apologize or make sure she was all right, he needed space.

Walking out his fists clenched and unclenched as he made his way...somewhere. Opening the door in front of him he slammed it shut behind him, and silently seethed in the middle of his office.

His life was slowly falling apart while Stephanie moved on. He wished he could hate her for doing that, but he couldn't. He could never hate her, he just wished that he knew how she did it, and then maybe he could do it as well and then both of them could be happy. They could get on with their lives. Lives without each other.

Images of Stephanie assaulted his mind; he saw her sleeping in bed, laughing as he lifted her in his arms, the surprise on her face when he told her he loved her, the knowing look when he realized that she loved him back, delight as she found him making her favorite meal, the painful look as she saw him with Jessica in his arms, the lost look in her eyes as he told her about Ash and the empty look that was so apparent on her face as she let him go.

He closed his eyes and squeezed them tight, he was not going to let his tears fall again. They would not wet his cheek like they had and he wouldn't feel like he was sinking fast in quicksand. He breathed in and out several times, desperately wanting this feeling to leave him. He wasn't some depressed fool, he had light at the tunnel. _He did._

But the breathing didn't work, it only hurt as his heart constricted and as his eyes snapped open it was like he was watching himself from above. He couldn't be doing this could he? But as his computer monitor flew through the air and smashed into the wall opposite it, he knew he had snapped. And as he lifted his office chair and let it fly he didn't even care that it smashed all his magazine covers on his wall making the glass crack and fall to the ground. Nor did he care that his prized cd collection had scattered all over the floor, half of them landing next to him. He didn't care about any of it; not the hole in the wall he had made when kicking it or the way his hands bled after repeatedly punching the door to his office.

As his last punch connected with the door he collapsed against it and slid down till he was on the floor. He was sitting on glass and he couldn't give a damn. All that he could hear was the raggedness of his breath and the choked sobs that escaped his mouth.

He was a broken man.

Wiping his blood across the carpet he watched as it tarnished. It was tarnished like his soul. God, he didn't even know if he had a soul anymore. For all he knew it could have been viscously ripped out from within him when he had witnessed Stephanie with Paul. Again, he knew that he needed to let her go so he could live any semblance of a normal life, but he didn't want this to be over.

Every second that went by he was screaming out for a second try. One more chance to prove that they belonged together. But he didn't need to prove that to himself or Stephanie. They both knew that they belonged together. She just had accepted that they couldn't be and...moved on. He wondered what people would saw if they found out. Some would call her his past mistake, a mistake he couldn't erase but had to forget so he could concentrate on his wife and son. But he would never see Stephanie like that. She was anything but a mistake.

But he did need to forget her and move on. Like she had.

He knew this was going to kill him for the rest of his life. But Jessica was all that he had now and he needed to focus on her. He couldn't scream until his heart stopped anymore.

Standing, he opened the door pushing all the remains of his things that were left on the floor out of the way.

Stepping out of his office it was like some sort of parallel world he had stepped into and he was some other Chris Irvine because he wasn't in control of his actions much like before. He wasn't thinking as he sought Jessica out, he wasn't thinking as he spun her around and backed her up against the fridge in their kitchen and he certainly wasn't thinking clearly when his lips savagely crushed hers with his own. His hands roughly pulled at her t-shirt until they were under it and scratching at her skin.

"Chris," she moaned as she felt him against her. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" he hissed, his mouth nipping and biting at her neck.

"But the mee-" she got out before she gasped as she felt his hands move down. 

"Screw the meeting." Chris spoke his voice distant. "You're my wife," he paused, his voice cracking. "And I want you." he lied.

"I love you." she groaned lost in her own intoxicating world, to busy caught up in Chris's touches to realize he didn't tell her he loved her back.

His hand found the button of her jeans and he unclasped it as he lifted her up against him, feeling her wrap her legs around his waist. Moving with her he let he fall onto their kitchen table and as he hovered above her he took in her flushed face and her erratic breath and realised he was going through the motions. He didn't want this.

Add yet, maybe if he followed through all the way to the end he would feel different afterwards.

That might work...

His hands clawed at her t-shirt again and as he ripped it up over her head he let it fall forgotten to the floor. He swooped down and his lips caught her skin and he wouldn't stop until she was gasping his name.

This would lead to better things. It had too.

Though as he gritted his teeth so he didn't say anything he would regret, the only thing that circulated through his head was; 

_Forgive me, Stephanie._

It was late now, the night having come hours ago and Jessica was asleep next to him and he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Did he dream this disbelief before him? He felt dirty and no matter how much he had scrubbed his skin in the shower it didn't disappear. His skin was raw because he had tried so hard. How could he have let himself do something so wrong? How couldn't he move on and forget Stephanie? She had moved on, but he was still stuck in the past. He was the American dream with the perfect house, perfect wife and the 2.4 kids. Someone should inform them that the American dream was a joke, because he would give up the house and he hated to say his wife, for Stephanie.

This was far from right. When had his life got so screwed up? When had his heart got so damaged along the way?

He would work on this with Jessica, he would try and he would learn to love her again. He had done it the first time, so it would be easy to fall back into that way again. It was time to move on and once again be the man he was when he was around her. Even if that meant closing off a part of his heart forever.

His world would rise up from the ashes he had created.

After all a heart beats only so many times in your life and he wouldn't waste his anymore.

And yet he kidded himself and pretended that every beat he had from now on wasn't for Stephanie and Stephanie alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks tfor the reviews, even though that last chapter was like hellish to read. Hopefully this chapter will be better. It's not so depressing as all the previous ones lol. And Also SMOOCHY on tv? How awesome is that? They so wanted to kiss last night, like totally. Don't deny it. I know the truth.  
**

**Disclaimer: Chris and Stephanie own themselves and whichever they chose to do with themselves and each other is completely up to them. Like almost kissing last night and the smiles, did you see the smiles Steph was trying to stop from appearing?? I did!  
**

**Chapter 7**

**  
**She had kept herself busy. It had proven to be a good thing too, because keeping busy kept her mind busy had stopped her from thinking about...things. Her father had upped her work load and if she was that sort of person she would have hugged him in thanks. Of course, that would have caused questions that she could hardly answer without reverting back into her crippling thoughts. So, she had nodded and smiled preparing herself for the mindless work she had ahead of her. Was it wrong to think that she lived for this now? That her life had been reduced to such simple coming and goings.

Paul had complained of course. The late nights, the days apart and the scarce sightings of each other, were really taking their toll on him. She couldn't have been happier though. A separate hotel, different states, days on end without him touching her, inane conversation where nothing was said. It worked for her. Losing herself was a freeing feeling, and she no longer felt weighed down. She was floating through her life in an indifferent state. It sure as hell beat feeling like she was falling further and further into a slow death. There were times, yes, where he came to mind and stalled her into despair but she would not let those thoughts last long. She would push them to the back of her mind and get lost in her work. It was less soul-crushing than getting lost in him.

Today she was caught up in a vast amount of paperwork: pending contracts, tonight's schedule, injured employees and every other boring thing that was hidden behind the scenes of such an explosive show. The outside noise was annoying her though; did they have to be so loud? It caused her to become distracted, think about her life or lack of therefore. Sighing, she sought a way to drown out the outside commotion and her eye caught sight of the remote for the television that was in her office. Reaching for it she turned it on and caught the ending of the previous match. Kurt was the #1 contender for the Championship, now that made her smile.

Listening to J.R and The Kings droning as they commentated on match after match lulled her back into a sedated working condition. She heard snippets every now and then but none really caused her attention to be pulled away from what she was working on and have that attention on nothing but the television. But when that countdown sounded throughout, her head snapped up and when she saw Chris standing there in his usual pose, her heart rate sped up and her head was drowning in a hazy fog that had formed.

It was so good to see him, she thought with a smile. Really good.

She reached for the schedule and scanned down it. Chris Jericho vs. Max Powers. Smirking she knew he had an easy night tonight, Max Powers being a newly hired rookie that her father had said showed promise. Sighing, she slipped back into old ways and sighed happily as she watched him enter the ring and play for the crowd. _Max Powers meet the best in the business._

She was so tempted to just forget the paperwork and watch Chris show this boy how it was really done. How a professional worked the ring and then her brain caught up with her. She was _not _meant to watch him and feel for him, no matter how good he looked, or how just the sight of him sent her every nerve endings on fire. She couldn't think thoughts like: _'I love him.' _or _'I just need to kiss him that one last time.' _or _'Maybe if I go to him, my heart will stop hurting.' _

It just wouldn't do.

Shaking her head she brought her attention back to her paperwork, she'd get lost in this like she had mastered and forget that she had _accidentally_ left the TV on.

As the minutes passed it got easier to forget that he was out there for the world to see and that if she just turned her head she would catch a glance of him as he flew through the air, his hair wild and his eyes determined.

_"He does not look good J.R."_

_"No, King, he looks almost dizzy."_

She had to smirk; rookies were always unprepared for there first time in the ring. It didn't surprise her in the slightest that he was dizzy or that he was in the ring and he had never been more isolated before. If he wanted to get somewhere in this business he'd have to suck it up and take the punches.

_"Oh, look at the blood!"_

_"Jericho is going to be hurting tomorrow."_

Jericho is... _What?_ Stephanie's mind took that in and she looked up with wide eyes and gasped. Blood was flowing down Chris's face as he held onto the ropes to keep him upright. What had happened? What had she missed? Why was he bleeding? Why was the ref not stopping the match?

The screen cut into two and she was watching a replay of what just happened. During a routine Irish Whip, Max had stumbled and sent Chris flying straight into the open turnbuckle. She cringed as she saw the force of the impact and her eyes widened and anger flooded her eyes as she saw the rookie follow up on his mistake by grabbing the back of Chris's head and repeatedly slam it into the turnbuckle before the ref pushed him out of the way.

Her hands started to shake as she watched Chris fall to the floor and then she saw his blood start to puddle below him onto the mat. His hands grasped onto the ropes as he pulled himself up, and she couldn't see his face as he kept it down but as he got to a vertical base and whipped his head back his face was nothing but a crimson mask and Stephanie lost all feeling.

This couldn't be happening.

She noted the replay screen had disappeared and she couldn't take her eyes away from him. He didn't look good. She watched him walk to the middle of the ring and the ache in her heart lessened as he looked okay. The blood was just making it worse than it seemed. Yeah, that was all. Relief started to flood her body again but as she watched him fall to the mat again relief was a distant memory.

She shot out of her chair and watched as the ref called for the EMT's and as they hurried out to the ring she wanted to follow them so badly, but how could she without drawing suspicion for everyone around him?

She was in charge tonight, the only McMahon in attendance. It was a house show and her father and Shane along with Paul had, had to attend a press conference for the upcoming Pay-Per-View. If she went out and checked on Chris, she could easily say she was only looking after the company's assets and seeing as how Chris was a large asset to the company, she had a perfectly good reason to be concerned.

She just hoped that her face didn't give her away.

Rushing to the gorilla she waited impatiently for the EMT's to bring him back. Once this was sorted she was going to have a severe talk with her father and have Max Power, oh, how she hated that name, fired and blacklisted from any wrestling company out there. His dream of being a wrestler was shot down when he messed with the most important person in Stephanie McMahon's life.

The curtains opened and her heart picked up as she saw Chris stumble through, pushing the EMT's away from him.

"I'm fine!" he roared hating all of the attention they were giving him. Reaching up he wiped the blood from his eyes and shakily made his way away from them. He passed Stephanie without so much as a glance.

She followed behind him and watched as he braced himself against a wall for support. Walking up to him she reached her hand out and touched his shoulder, causing him to spin round angrily.

"Listen, I told you I'm fi-" he started to say, but when he recognised that it was Stephanie he was facing his whole demeanour changed and the smile that covered his face was so wide that it looked out of place on his bloody face. "Stephanie." he noted his voice soft.

"You don't look fine to me." she told him walking towards him some more.

"It's just a scratch," he waved off. She was right in front of him, he could reach out and touch her if he wanted.

"It doesn't look like it's just a scratch Chris." Stephanie pointed out.

"It is," he slurred out. "Watch." he said before pushing himself off of the wall and standing all alone. "See," he nodded, his voice wobbling. "Proved you wrong." he told her with a smirk. Or what she interpreted as a smirk, it really was hard to tell.

He watched her for a second and could feel the happiness she caused him even through all his pain. _She came to see me. To see if I was alright. Maybe there's some hope left..._ He felt himself sway where he stood and then he felt himself fall. _Damn,_ was his last thought before he expected to hit the floor, but the floor never came and he found himself in her arms, looking up his smile hurt his face, he hadn't smiled since he had left her.

"You caught me." His voice rang out sounding sluggish.

"I'll always catch you." Stephanie promised him, looking worried. "I'm going to take you to the medic now okay?"

"I don't need it," he told her, his eyes drooping. "I've got you, and that's all I need."

"Chris, stay with me," she told him putting his arm over her shoulders. "Walk with me, okay?"

"Okay." he agreed, leaning his head against Stephanie's.

As they walked to where the medic's office was, she didn't care that his blood was now covering her she just wanted him to be okay. Because, if he was okay, then she knew she would be too. It was weird having his arms around her again, yes, she was only helping him to some place and his arm was only around her shoulders for support, but it didn't feel any different from all the other times she was in his arms.

It felt like home.

As they made their way through the door, Stephanie glared as she realised no one was even in to take care of Chris. Helping him over to the table she looked into his eyes and she couldn't help feel anxious as she saw the glazed over look they had. "Chris," she called his name shaking his shoulders. "Tell me my name."

Chris laughed and reached a hand up to cup her face. "You're Stephanie. How can I forget that?" he wondered bewildered. "I love you, because you're mine."

Stephanie sighed and then gave into the smile that she couldn't keep off of her face. She nodded and leaned in and kissed his bloody forehead. "That's right."

"You love me too, right?" Chris questioned her, his eyes wide like a child's. "Cause you never said it back, and you're meant to say it back, so you love me too, right?"

"Of course I do," she answered and her heart hurt a little because she knew after this was over they would have to go back to the way things were. "Yeah, I love you." But she couldn't deny him the truth.

"Good." he spoke with a lazy smile and she was caught off guard as he leaned in and caught his lips with hers. She lost herself in the kiss and her hands lay on his chest and she realised this was not moving on, but staying in the present, and she couldn't give a damn.

Pulling back she watched him lean back until he was lying on the medic's table. Taking her hand in his, she looked at him. "When the medic comes in, I'm going to leave, okay?"

His grip tightened on her hand and he looked at her, his eyes suddenly clear of all previous heaviness and lethargic-ness. "Stay?"

So she did.

That was why he was in her hotel room right now. Dean, the medic, had told her to get in contact with someone who could keep an eye on him throughout the night, he had a mild concussion and just to be safe someone should be with him. Stephanie had taken the news to heart and hadn't let Chris out of her sight since.

Walking up to the bed he laid on, she sat beside him and took her hand in his, much like he had earlier. "Hey you," she whispered. "How are you feeling?"

Turning his head towards her he gave her a small smile. "I really am fine," he told her honestly. "It was just the aftermath of the initial impact that got me all woozy," he explained. "But thank you for making sure I was okay." Chris finished gratefully.

"It was nothing."

"Don't lie," he smirked. "I know that it had to be hard, hell, this must be hard for you."

"It isn't the easiest, no. I don't supposed having the man you love be so close to you, and also be the one you can't have, really is the easiest thing out there."

"I shouldn't be here," he realised, moving to sit up only to have Stephanie push him back down.

"I don't know where you think you're going mister," Stephanie told him giving him a look that left no room for argument. "But, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"Sounds promising." he spoke out with a low chuckle.

Smiling at him she reached forward and brushed his hair back, it was wet from the shower he had taken when he had arrived and Stephanie had been slowly going out her mind, after all, it was only a door that stopped her from being with him. She traced a hand down his face, mindful of the stitches that he had received, and revelled in the softness of his skin underneath her fingertips. His hand slowly moved up and joined hers, entwining their fingers together, and he couldn't take his eyes away from her. Pulling her to him, he couldn't really give a care to anything that was beyond this room, what was inside it was far, far more important.

As Stephanie felt herself fall into him, all her previous thoughts left her. She was happy, finally. She was with Chris and that was all that mattered in this single moment.

When all this was over, she would make it up in denial, saying it was a slip that didn't mean anything and she didn't crave him like the blood that flowed through her veins or the air that she breathed. As there lips touched and the passion they had for each other slipped into the other she forgot everything in her troubled mind. And as her mouth moved down to Chris's neck, she let herself forget, until the shrill ringing of her cell phone was an unwanted interruption.

Pulling back, she sent Chris an apologetic look and turned to find her cell. Picking it up she opened it and looked at the name flashing across her screen. Paul. She hadn't even thought of him, he was the last thing on her mind tonight. She heard Chris sigh and move behind her, he moved up until he was right behind her and he brushed her hair back and kissed her neck. He whispered _'I'm sorry'_, in her ear and stood up and headed for the door.

Taking another look at her cell, she read her options: _'Accept.' _or _'Decline'_.

Without a second thought she hit decline and turned her cell off, dropping it onto the bed and hurrying to catch Chris. She caught his arm and spun him around and he looked at her in confusion. "What are yo-" he began but Stephanie cut him off with a kiss.

"Tonight is our night," she told him with a smile. "Nobody is going to ruin it."

"Are you sure?"

"More sure than anything else in my life." she told him with resolve.

Moving towards her, he wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head on his chest and they stood like that for a moment, basking in the fact that they had each other again, even if it was only for a night, they still had each other and they were in each others arms. Like it should have always been.

Moving them towards the bed he leaned them down making sure he didn't just let her fall roughly on to the bed. He smiled down at her as she reached up and pulled him down with his t-shirt, and laughed as she automatically sought out his neck. His hands reached her sides and he searched blindly for the hem of her own t-shirt and when he found that, his hand slid inside and relished the feeling of her skin under his fingers. His fingers travelled to her sides and as he captured her mouth again he smiled into their kiss as he felt her squirm beneath him at his touch.

He never got tired of this.

His hand scrunched up her t-shirt and he moved down and he hungrily kissed every bit of skin his mouth could find. He loved that she sucked in a breath every time his lips touched her stomach but he loved the shuddering breath she released after the initial contact. This was how it should be, he should be anticipating ever movement of hers and slowly perish because he needed her touch on him before he exploded. His hands found her offending article of clothing and as he moved up he pulled it up over her head and then let it fly across the room, forgotten the nanosecond it left his hand. Grinning, he kissed her again making his way down: starting with a short kiss on her forehead, moving to her mouth when he ravenously kissed her until they both were gasping for air, once he got his breath back he moved down again and teasingly kissed the valley between her breasts and he knew he would never trade this memory for anything. He kissed her stomach again and his hand found the button to her pants. He looked up at her and took in her glazed wanton eyes and as he opened it, the only sound he could hear was her ragged breathing and the thumping of his heart. Pulling them down he let them fall to the ground forgotten like the t-shirt earlier, moving back he took his own t-shirt off before leaning back in and finding her lips again.

Stephanie turned them over and trailed her hands down his bare chest, her nails scratching in their aftermath. She heard Chris groan as he felt her do it and she couldn't help but want him all that much more. She hadn't been touched liked that since the last time they had been together and her mind was miles away trying to catch up so that it too could experience the astounding feeling. Much like he had done moments ago she found the button to his jeans and she hurriedly opened it, it wasn't fair that she was almost naked and he was only halfway there. It had been to long since she had seen him this way.

It was like they had both found their zest for life again and neither wanted to ever let it go again, not without a fight anyway.

She moaned into the room as she lay directly on top of him and felt him under her. This was sweet torture and she just wanted him to take her now. She didn't need to block her mind off anymore she could open herself up and give herself away completely to Chris. They weren't torn apart anymore, trying to lead two separate lives, they had brought them together and joined them as one and God, how she loved that they had. She could finally see what was good for her, that made her live, tonight there wouldn't be anymore mistakes. Tonight was for them and them alone.

And as Chris flipped them around again and as his intense blue eyes bore into her own, she saw everything he wanted her to see and that included his love for her and the passion that burned in his eyes just because of her. Reaching a hand behind his blonde hair, that she had missed so, so much, she pulled his head down and kissed him like her life depended on it, and in a way it did, because before this she was slowly dying of a broken heart.

Maybe this would rebuild it, even if it was only a small part...she could live with that.

"I need you." she moaned hoarsely.

Hearing that Chris lost any sense that he had slowly regained since they had started this, the want in her voice threw him over the edge and he welcomed this. He wouldn't be happy until she was quivering below him, clutching at his back, lost in the bliss he had caused her. He would be the same, no one got to him like Stephanie got too him, he would succumb to her touch and become a casualty of her yet again. It was like his soul was alive again.

Minutes later they lost themselves in each other as they moved as one over and over and for the first time in months they were happy.

Mind blowingly happy.

After all tomorrow and all that it brought seemed years away.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, I hope you all like what happened between Stephanie and Chris, and you might not after this chapter…

**Disclaimer:** Chris and Stephanie own themselves and what ever they chose to do with themselves and each other is completely up to them. They could like marry each other for all I care…well I care a lot – so they should. The song is by James Blunt, I felt it fitted and thanks to Nina for suggesting it. Read on.

**Chapter 8**

_'You touched my heart, you touched my soul_

_you changed my life and all my goals.'_

He couldn't take his eyes off of her it would be an impossibility and a gross error to his character if he did so. She was too breathtaking to turn away from, which suited him really, because he never actually wanted to look away. Out of all the moments they had shared together and there had been a lot, some good and some most definitely bad, this had to be in his top five. He didn't know if it was his number one though because it was hard to beat the feeling of the first time and every other time after she had told him she loved him. It made his heart happy, if that made any sense.

Reaching a hand out he brushed away some hair that had gone astray during the night and took in her sleeping form some more. She looked so peaceful and he almost wished he could keep her like this, so no more pain clouded her eyes or so he didn't have to see any sort of unhappiness etched across her face. Was that too much to ask for?

Yeah, he could live the remainder of his life right here. If it had her, it was worth it.

Stephanie opened her eyes but she was far from awake. She couldn't remember the last time she had woke up and felt so...content. Stretching, her hand brushed off of something and she froze, this was not what she had expected, not after waking up alone for so long. Turing her head slightly to the side she saw Chris smiling down at her and she held back a gasp of surprise.

Last night hadn't been a dream.

Beaming back at him she let herself fall into this feeling again, this bubble of fulfilment. It only lasted a second though, before her eyes clouded and she frowned. _What if he thought I was Jessica? His concussion might have made him think I was her when I wasn't. _She was sure he had moved on, but last night they had been so caught up in each other that she hadn't questioned it and now that she was, she was feeling nothing but uncertainties. He had Jessica to move on with, Jessica and him were a family, especially when Ash was in the picture. She had to get up now and leav-

Okay, maybe she would leave after he stopped kissing her. Yeah, not letting him finish kissing her would be a terrible injustice. Once he pulled back she looked up at him and his smile was still there. God, how she loved that smile. It sent shiver after shiver down her spine, like it was some sort of feather-light touch tracing it from top to bottom.

"Don't think for a minute, that I regretted last night Stephanie," he whispered his eyes dancing with nothing but happiness. She hadn't seen that for a while, it was good to see it again. "I didn't, not one single bit." he finished rolling next to her and kissing her shoulder. He would have gladly kissed her mouth again, like before, but she was to far away for that.

That quenched her thought of him mistaking her for Jessica, and for that she was glad, she didn't know if she could have woken up and have him call out her name. Shifting down, she lay her head on his shoulder and she relished in the feeling of being in his arms again. Yeah, she could live like this. It was moments like these, the quiet moments where everything was so silent and still, that she enjoyed, when she could hear his heartbeat through his chest. It was simplistic really, and she lived for the simplistic with Chris. Simplistic meant everything was okay and she didn't have to face what was beyond the walls that sheltered them.

"I didn't either." she whispered up to him.

"Good." he chuckled, bringing his hand up and running it through her hair, and as he repeated it again, he let his hand carry on, so it was running down her arm and resting next to hand. He let his thumb run back and forth over her hand and just watched her for a while.

He heard her give a contented sigh and he couldn't help but grin to himself. Didn't she know it was simple stuff like that, that made him fall even more in love with her? Who knew when all this had started she would be the one to make him the man that he was today and that the moment in that deserted cafeteria where they had kissed some million seconds ago would have changed his life for the better? If he hadn't had some loss of consciousness in that millisecond before he had leaned in and kissed her, his life would have been sorely different. Would he be happy? Most likely. But, he doubted that he would be as happy as he was right now. It was impossible to feel any happier than he was feeling now.

It was like when he was with Stephanie, his mind cleared and all his goals that he needed to focus on were laid out in front of him, just ready for him to step up and take them on. When he was with Jessica it wasn't like that, he almost felt he was walking through his life meaninglessly in some perpetual darkness. Ash and Stephanie were his light in that darkness, the things that pulled him to the surface in the end.

He was standing in the edge of bliss and he was ready to jump off with both feet. He couldn't lie to himself anymore, he couldn't let go of Stephanie not even if he tried his hardest. His hand just wouldn't open and release her. He couldn't move on from perfection. His decision was made then and there. He would leave Jessica. He would leave her, explain that he needed to make himself happy and if he was with Stephanie then, yes, he would be happy till the day he died.

Smiling down, he opened his mouth to tell her but she beat him to it.

"After today, we can't do this anymore." she told him her voice void of any emotion. She no doubt felt Chris freeze below her, like there was a sudden, unexpected, cold chill in the air. Yeah, those words were enough to make his heart just stop short and die.

_'And as you move on, remember me_

_remember us and all we used to be.'_

"Steph..." he choked out.

Sighing, she moved away from him and sat back against the headboard, she wouldn't be able to do this if she was still holding on to him. "We can't keep doing this to ourselves Chris," she told him helplessly. "It's just making us hold on and we just can't do this anymore."

He noted the lost look in her eyes, she had apparently given this some thought. "What if I refuse to let you go?" He would fight for her, make her see that they belonged together, that he would leave Jessica for her because he knew life without her would be nothing but a sad existence. _Tell her then. Stop thinking and do it,_ he mentally shouted to himself.

"You'll have to," Stephanie told him sadly. "You have a child Chris," she pointed out and the thought of Ash made his mind stall. "He comes first," she continued putting his love for Ash before her own happiness. "I won't do this anymore." she finished quietly looking anywhere but at Chris.

"But Steph, I lov-" he managed to get out before she cut him off.

"No, Chris," she spoke brokenly. "I can't hear that again," she told him, her eyes burning with tears she refused to let fall. "I wish I could smile every time you told me that, hell, I would broadcast it on national television, but every time I hear it, it breaks a little of my already shattered heart." Pausing she looked up at him and she wanted to find comfort in his arms so badly. "We just have to be strong and face a world that doesn't have each other in it."

Like she had earlier, Chris sighed heavily as he moved closer to where she sat and reached out and clasped her shoulders, and then stalled...should he hold her? He got his answer as she fell into his arms and he held her close while trying to keep his own composure. "I just can't face losing you."

"Neither can I, Chris..." she told him her tone subdued. He felt her breath hit off of his bare chest and it was ragged as she tried to keep herself together. A minute later he felt something wet hit his chest and realised she couldn't hold back her tears anymore. Bending his head he kissed the top of her head and realised his eyes were stinging with is own tears. Weren't they happy a moment ago? Rubbing a hand up and down her back he hoped she knew that he was here for her and that she wasn't alone...not yet anyway. "...but what good is holding onto each other if we're never going to get our happy ending?" she asked him desperately hoping he could give her some sort of answer, but she knew it was hopeless, in the end it was all hopelessly falling down around them. "We have to face reality...we may think we belong together, but everything around us says otherwise." she finished dejectedly.

Chris didn't want to agree, didn't want the words to leave his mouth, didn't want to face a future without her in it, but what she was saying was right. As much as it was like a bullet to his heart he knew she was only speaking the truth. "You're right." he whispered, the words cutting his throat as they left his mouth.

"We should get dressed and just...leave." she suggested.

"Yeah," he agreed, his voice sounding like a little kid who had lost their mother in the crowd. "Okay."

It killed him to turn his back on her as he rigidly pulled on his clothes. Each piece of clothing seemed like another marker that mocked him in the face, pulling him further into his returning despair. Maybe he would burn these clothes when he got home just so he wouldn't smell her scent on them when he got home...but how would he get it off himself? He'd forever be tainted with her. Standing up he turned around and watched her pull on her t-shirt, walking around the bed he stood next to her. She looked up at him and he just wanted to lock the door and keep her here with him. "Don't for a second think I'll ever stop loving you. You'll always have my heart."

"Then I'll always have a part of you then."

"The most important part."

"I can live with that," she told him, managing to give him a small smile. "You know I'm forever yours...but we just can't...we can't do this without us both hurting." Standing, she reached out to touch him but pulled back at the last second, nodding at him she walked past him and walked to the door and turning the handle she opened it.

"Stephanie, wait!" Chris called out, rushing to her and slamming the door shut again. "J-just w-wait," he stuttered out grabbing her hand in his. "I just...I just have to look at you this one last time." he told her, his eyes flaming bright. "I have to remember how blue your eyes are and how beautiful your soul is and...and all the unimportant things that no one else thinks about until they realise it's too late," he spoke almost desperately, his hands reaching up touching her face. He needed to remember every inch of her. "And then by the time they want to find them out, it's too late, that person is already gone." he continued, impassioned. "Let me take that in...let me have out last happy moment together." he asked fervently. "Just let me kiss you this one final time."

All Stephanie could do was nod, he wanted to remember everything about her and how could she deny him that, when all that she was trying to do was keep every single memory, touch and feeling alive within her right then as well. She wanted this one last moment with him, so that in years to come, when maybe, just maybe when she was ready to remember him again without hurting, she could remember all that they were and ever would be. His lips touched hers then and she was adamant that she would not let this be bittersweet, she would make this count, like all the other kisses that they shared. They had all meant something and they all had a place in her heart and she would not discount this one solely because it was their last kiss and even the thought of it in the future would hurt her more than she knew.

He pulled her into his body and she melted into him. Her hand ran up his arm found its way into his hair and she pushed herself into him more. If this was their last kiss, then it would be one of their best. She let her tongue slip out and she ran it across Chris's bottom lip desperately seeking entrance to his mouth, he opened it almost instantly and their tongues were dancing together, moving against each other in a synchronising fashion. She didn't want to let him go, she didn't care that she needed air to breath, she would kiss him and he would kiss her back till their lungs felt like they were seconds from exploding. She would savour every sensation she felt running through her body and how he felt up against her, after all it was all she had anymore.

Ripping his lips away from Stephanie's, Chris gasped in air and watched her do the same. The lack of air to his body was making him feel dizzy but he wouldn't have changed the reason why that was, ever. All they had were memories now and as much as that killed him it would just have to do.

_'I'd be the father of your child_

_I'd spend a life time with you'_

It took them a couple of minutes to get their bearings back, to realise what they had to do now, now that every avenue that they could use to stall going their separate ways were used up, that they had no choice but to leave each other and that weighed them down heavily.

"So we should..." he trailed off. How could he say it? How could he finish that sentence and thus make it a fact, a reality he wasn't ready for?

"Yeah," Stephanie agreed numbly, nodding. This was it. _This_ was the end....it had finally come.

Opening the door again, Stephanie, stepped out and started walking. She was a few steps ahead when she felt Chris slip his hand into hers, turning to look at him, he looked back her and gave her his lazy smile. He was trying to make her feel better and she loved him for that. If this was hurting him like it was hurting her, she knew he was slowly breaking apart inside. Gripping his hand tighter she slowed her pace, if this was it, if this was the end then she was going to make this last as long as possible, no matter how badly she knew it was going to kill them both in the end.

Chris's mind had skipped into overdrive, every thought was running through him at an increased speed, he just wanted to slow down and breath. Breathing would be a good thing, it meant he wouldn't pass out where he was but he almost welcomed the darkness to take him because then he wouldn't have to deal with this till much later. How could he leave her? She was his every thing, you couldn't just leave the sole reason that made you feel alive. All his hopes for the future had shattered and smashed to the floor like an insignificant mirror that had hung in a deserted hallway.

They would be forgotten and lost out into the atmosphere.

He'd never walk down some sidewalk with his hand in Stephanie's, laughing and joking about how their day had been, like he was holding it now. He'd never have her hand in his again after this, which was impossible for him to grasp his mind around. Her hand fit perfectly in his, it was just the right size to hold comfortably, to sit and hold as he traced the lines from one finger to the other or just simply hold and maybe kiss just so he knew she was there, that this wasn't his imagination and that she was his.

He'd never wake up beside her in their home that they had bought together, finally. They wouldn't argue over how they needed an office each, but Chris was willing to share his with her if he got his game room. They wouldn't have a kitchen where she could sit and watch him cook them dinner and he's never get to go over to her to let her taste what he was making, _accidentally_ letting some sauce fall onto her nose and he'd never get to kiss it off as she playfully swatted him on his chest. He wouldn't be able to decorate a room for Ash for when he stayed over or play with him in the pool they would have out back.

Most importantly he would never get to argue with Stephanie over the color of the nursery. He would want blue because he was sure it would be a boy and Stephanie would want a neutral color because she wouldn't want to know the sex until she had their baby in her arms. He had no doubt that she would turn to him and gloat and tell that she was right and that this is why he should always listen to her and he would nod because he wouldn't care if she was right or that he was wrong, all that would matter is that she was holding their _child_ in her arms and he wouldn't be able to look away because they would both be so beautiful.

The whole world could go on about there daily business and he would happily let it go by, because he was where he wanted to be. He was a father again.

Only he wasn't and he'd never be.

He looked over at Stephanie and he wanted that life so badly, his hand held on to hers tighter, he just didn't want to let go.

Stephanie felt his eyes on her, but she could turn to look at him, she couldn't take the chance that she'd look at him, cave and let them lead the life that they were leading. Chris deserved a family and she wasn't the one who gave him Ash and Ash needed a father and she wouldn't be the person that took Chris away from him. Chris was important to her, yes, but she could live without him, his son couldn't. Sighing, she knew she was only lying to herself, letting herself believe a new mantra her mind had concocted. She could never live without Chris, that was why she was going to be go through the motions and pretend that she had a life to lead.

In a perfect world, that was far different than this, she and Chris would be together. The events of their lives would have changed the moment they had woken up. Stephanie would have told him that she would leave Paul so she could be with him, and she wouldn't have listened to that voice in her head that told her that, no, they couldn't be together because Chris needed to be there for Ash and if that meant that he had to stay with Jessica so they were a family unit so be it. She would have thought about that later, worried about it later and Chris and her would still be in bed in each others arms waiting for the days to comes so they could experience each new day together.

They would have shared their lives together, started a new timeline that lasted a life time.

Could she go back there now and change what she said? She liked the sound of that life more than the one she was currently living.

There wouldn't be family dinners with Linda and Vince at the head of the table or Marissa and Shane across the table from them. Vince wouldn't be grilling Chris on when he planned on making Stephanie an honest woman and Chris wouldn't grin at him and tell them all that he already had, that they had run to Vegas and just got hitched and had been married five days already. She'd never see the shocked look all over her father's face or every other face at the table and she'd never get to laugh at them all for believing it. Stephanie McMahon marry the man of her dreams in some grotty chapel in Vegas? This wasn't a WWE storyline.

She'd never get the perfect proposal either. It wouldn't be big or fancy or taken him some elaborate scheme to get her in the right place at the time he needed her to be there for, just so everything would run like clockwork. No, she saw them sitting one night, some ordinary night just laying in front of the sofa flicking through the tv channels randomly and his hand would be running through her hair with her unconsciously playing with his hand. He'd never poke her in the shoulder to get her attention and she'd never turn around to see his smile and hear him say something like;

_'So I was thinking the other day, I know, I know you think it's crazy that I was actually thinking, but I was and I need to ask you something," and he wouldn't pause and watch her nod, silently telling him to carry on. "It's nothing important really, it's just I have this," and he wouldn't reach into his back pocket and pull out a box and she wouldn't gasp and wonder how she had missed that. "It's a ring, well obviously you can see that, but it's for you...because I'm asking you to marry me, because I don't think I can see my future without you in it." And he wouldn't chuckle, knowing how lame that sounded. "Marry me?"_

Because that was the kind of guy Chris was. Not that she had thought about this a million and one times, no, she wasn't a dreamer anymore. But more importantly she wouldn't be able to tell him, _'Yes'_.

She knew it would also include him holding her, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, as they watched their son or daughter leave them and drive off to some college states away from where they stayed. She would worry though, a trait that only a mother could have, and constantly question if they had made a right decision and Chris would smile at her and tell her; _'Baby, with your brains and my good looks, how can't they not rule the world with just a look?'. _She would have smacked him playfully on the arm and told him that the good looks were inherited from her only and he would agree and kiss her, before lifting her up and taking her into their home.

They had some lost time to make up for after all.

There wouldn't be anymore time thought, it was all but used up.

They were lucky they had a second remaining.

_'Goodbye my lover'_

The end had come, a few more steps and they would reach the elevator and that would be it over. Done, ended, final, through and no matter how many adjectives they used to describe it, the end message was still the same, they would be no more. He watched her walk ahead of him and he tried to keep control of his actions, but his hand wouldn't leave hers.

He knew he wouldn't be able to let go.

She didn't even try to pull her hand away from him, couldn't open up it up and let his slip from hers. She couldn't make this final. Biting her lip she thought of random things, things that meant nothing, things that kept her mind from thinking about this impending doom that she was heading straight for.

Because she knew she wouldn't be able to let go.

They came to a stop in front of the elevator, she reached forward and pushed the button and then stood back, silently beside him. He was so still for a moment and she had to wonder what he was doing, but then he was moving, walking away from her. His hand was still clasped with her own. She didn't turn to watch him go, she couldn't, and as she felt her arm stretch she held on tighter and he stalled and she heard him draw a breath in and God, did it sound painful. She hadn't breathed since he had moved, and when his hand loosened slightly, it was all she could do to keep standing.

This was killing Chris, he knew he couldn't walk into the elevator, ride down with her and walk out with her and not fall to his knees in front of anyone who cared to watch, and not beg her to stay with him. He had saw the sign for the stairway and came to a decision, not that he wanted the choice he was much happier back in the hotel room with Stephanie, and resolved himself to walk to the stairway and let her go.

It would have worked much better if he could let go of her hand.

But he was standing in the middle of a hallway with his arm outstretched, desperately hanging on. Breathing heavily, he let his grip loosen and moved forward slowly, both their hands moving down the other. His fingertips much like Stephanie's curled and they were literally hanging on with the tips of their fingers for that one last touch. It felt amazing and disastrously gutting all rolled into one.

Taking that one final step, his arm fell to his side and that was it, he had let go. He didn't look back. He wouldn't have seen anything though, his vision was too blurry to even see the carpet at his feet.

As she felt her arm hit her side, Stephanie, kept her head forward with her eyes straight ahead looking at the metal of the elevator doors. She bit down harder on her lip and tried to keep the choked sobs in the back of her throat, she couldn't lose it here.

The ping of the elevator sounded and the doors slid open and she stepped into the empty space. As the doors slid back shut, she let the tears fall, let the sobs out and let herself call out his name brokenly.

_'I'm so hollow.'_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, I love them as always. Things are about to get a little bit more interesting in this chapter and a whole lot more complicated for Stephanie.

**Disclaimer:** Chris and Stephanie own themselves and a daughter or two, I believe they called them Aurora and Murphy.

**Chapter 9**

Sickness.

That was all she felt and all she had felt since the elevator had taken her on that fateful ride downwards, which was ironic really since even now she couldn't seem to stop falling. Yes, she was sickened to the stomach, except only now she was really feeling the literal meaning behind those words. Resting her head back against the tiled wall of the bathroom suite Stephanie wiped the dry sweat from her forehead. She felt awful, so awful that she crawled shakily out of the bathroom and over, onto her bed.

Flopping down on to it she groaned and wished death would just swoop in and take her now. This wasn't a life, this was some sad excuse of an existence. She knew life without Chris would be a feat in its own right, but she hadn't expected it too physically stall her daily on goings. Well, she had told herself that anyway, but maybe this was the after effect of her heart actually breaking into a million little shards because life without Chris proved to be nothing but listless, unimportant and irrelevant in the end.

She was effectively a lost soul roaming the dirt roads alone, because she let the other half of her soul slip from her grasp.

It wasn't any fun not having the person you loved beside you.

If she had calculated and foresaw how badly leaving Chris was, she was positive she would have held on tighter, told him that she had made a mistake and that they belonged together. But such as life, you never got your second chance to fix your mistakes, to right wrongs or set a course in motion to live that life again.

"Are you still throwing-up?"

Turning her head she looked at Paul and could do nothing but glare at him. "Does it look like I'm doing anything but? Oh, I know I'm having some secret fun without you and this is just a ruse to divert your attention!" She snapped at him, her gaze withering as her head dropped back onto her pillow.

She should have never gone to Shane's when Declan was sick, she had obviously caught the bug he had. It had started two weeks back, she had woken up one morning and ran straight to the bathroom. It had only got worse and here she was still as ill as she had been from the very first day it had began. She couldn't blame Declan though, she loved her nephew to much to ever be mad at him for something as stupid as a bug. Getting mad at Paul on the other hand, that was turning out to be a daily occurrence.

"Whoa Steph," Paul winced as if he had been burned. "It was only an observation."

"Well Paul, your observation is astounding." She sneered. She couldn't be doing with him, not now, not ever. She felt dreadful and here he was making her feel a million times worse, she didn't even want to look at him. His hair wasn't the right blonde, it was dirty when compared to Chris and when she looked into his eyes, when she could actually bring herself to look at him, and his eyes mocked her. They just weren't piercingly blue like Chris's were and she needed the gaze of his to feel alive. Paul's made her want to die, they reminded her of everything that she was missing and could never have again.

"I've made an appointment with the doctor for you." Paul told her, giving her a smile.

Stephanie frowned at that, he was looking after her? He was making sure she was okay? Why? _He is your husband that might be a factor in this crazy thing called a marriage. _

She had married the wrong man.

"Thanks?" she really didn't know what else to say to this action. Should she give him a kiss in thanks because he had thought about her first? She cringed at that thought she hadn't been intimate with him since before that night with Chris. Two months on and the last person who had touched her was a good couple of hundred miles away in Florida.

"We have to get you better," Paul told her, nodding like it was an action that needed his immediate attention. "After all, how am I meant to stay on top with my best girl ill?"

And there it was, she should have figured really, Paul Levesque care about anyone but his own self? Yeah, that wouldn't happen, not now, next year or the years that followed after that. No one mattered more to him, than himself and Stephanie certainly wasn't anywhere near his top priority, unless it involved her talking to her father to persuade him to give Paul another title shot. Then, she was number one and she couldn't do anything wrong in his eyes.

She would have laughed if she wasn't worried that she'd just throw-up again. This marriage was a business relationship and Paul was the only one who benefited. Oh, a loveless marriage was a marvellous thing.

"It's at two," he told her. "But I won't be with you, because I have to go to the gym and really, keeping up my appearance is more important and beneficial to our life."

Oh, how she wanted to slap him. She would gladly have reared back and swung for him if she had any energy. But if he was busy with more _important_ things then she wouldn't have to be subjected to his boorish breathing the whole journey of the car ride, nor would she have to put up with his idiotic ramblings that she more often than not tuned out.

She really had no clue where this apparent hatred towards him had come from. It was as if there was something inside her that had come together and focused on everything bad about him and amplified it ten-fold. She loathed him. "Well if you feel that it's for the best." She answered him, barely holding back the disdain she felt towards him.

"I do," he agreed, Stephanie's inner musings totally lost on him. "In fact I should head off now." He figured, while walking up to her. He leaned down and kissed her and then headed to his closet to get his things.

In doing so he missed Stephanie furiously wiping her hand across her mouth to get rid of the foul taste. That kiss alone was enough to make he throw-up every minute of everyday. Yeah, something had snapped inside of her and broke her inner resolve when it came to all things Paul. If there was any way for her to hold onto this life she needed to tolerate him at least. She had already let the man she loved go and she doubted she could live alone right now. In his own way, Paul was a distraction and she hated to admit it but she was glad to have him if that was the only purpose he gave to her.

Paul used her for Championship title shots and she used him to forget. In their own way they were as bad as each other and maybe they deserved each other because of what they were doing.

Before her thoughts could get anymore depressing, Paul walked out with his gym back in hand. "I hope it's nothing serious," he tried for sympathetic, but his tone was nothing but indifferent. "If you need me I have my cell." He told her already distracted, to engrossed in a magazine he had picked up off of the table. "Bye."

She watched him walk out and sighed as she felt herself relax. He couldn't have left fast enough for her liking.

By the time two o'clock had come round, Stephanie had managed to pull herself out of bed, put clothes on so she looked the least bit respectable. Once she had stepped outside and sat in her car, breathing in the outside air she felt increasingly better. Her nausea had passed and when she walked the world didn't double.

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it was.

As two o'clock had come and gone, she found herself patiently waiting for the doctor to come back and for him to tell her what the hell was wrong with her. She rubbed her arm where it still stung from where the needle had gone in so they could get a sample of her blood. Her legs kicked the open air in front of her, back and forth, in nothing but boredom. The stark white tiles that she faced didn't do anything for the imagination and the smell like any medical place was rank and was slowly making her nausea come back with an increasingly fast pace.

Looking around the room, she suppressed a yawn and sighed, only to jump in surprise as the door to the room she was in burst open and the doctor she had been seen by earlier reappeared.

"Miss. McMahon." He greeted in a mechanically cheerful voice that Stephanie had hated from the moment she had heard him speak earlier.

"Dr. Winchester." Stephanie greeted back, her anxiety rising as she waited on her results.

Taking a seat Dr. Winchester smiled at her and it unnerved her slightly, he was to god damn cheery, and no one should be like that all the time. "We did all the major tests and I'm happy to say you are perfectly healthy."

Relaxing Stephanie smiled back at him. "That's great, if that's all I'll be going now." She wasn't dying, physically anyway, she would live to see another day and that suited her just fine.

"We did find something though." The doctor continued.

"But you just sai-" Stephanie trailed off, her brow frowning as she looked at Dr. Winchester.

"Yes, I said you were healthy." He repeated his earlier statement.

"Then I don't understand." And she didn't, if she was healthy then what could possibly be wrong with her?

"You're pregnant Miss. McMahon."

She felt the air leave her whole body in a rush and the world slowed and for a moment she saw it go black. She tried to breath but it seemed her brain wasn't co-operating with her, apparently it was still trying to catch up on the bombshell that was dropped on her. Her stomach was nonexistent and her heart felt like it was being squeezed and all the blood in it was drowning her internally. She couldn't even see the surface.

"What?" she choked out.

"You're pregnant." The doctor repeated again.

"Oh." Stephanie replied dumbly, any and every thought was escaping her right now.

Looking down at his notes Dr. Winchester read parts of them before looking back up at her again. "From the looks of it, you're about two months along."

Two months? That made sense since Chris and her...oh God, Chris...Chris was the father. She was having a baby and Chris was the father. A smile covered her face at that though. Oh, she couldn't wait to tell him, he would be so happy. They were going to be so happy. They would be a family, she would be a mom and Chris would be a dad and their little baby would be the cutest thing to ever exist. She had their baby inside of her now. She needed to call him; she needed to tell him right now, this was too important to wait. Smiling some more she wanted to pinch herself, this was perfection.

Perfection crashed as reality being the cruel bitch that it was caught up with her and rational thought commenced. Chris already had a family with Jessica and Ash. This was a result of a night of weakness after weakness. She hadn't expected the ramifications of the aftermath of their night together to be this life changing. Yes, she had maybe given into a fantasy or two of her and Chris in the future and then having a child, but they ended happily and she really couldn't see that happening in reality.

"Pregnant?" It sounded foreign coming from her lips.

"Yes, Miss. McMahon," Dr. Winchester told her softly. "You're going to be a mother."

She was. She was going to have a baby and she was going to have a baby with a man who wasn't the father. What a tangled web she had weaved for herself. She couldn't tell Chris it was his, she couldn't ruin his life anymore than she already had and who knew maybe Paul would make a good father.

She would know the truth and now she would always have a part of him. Every time her kid ran up to her in the future and she'd catch a glimpse of their blue eyes or blond hair then she would know that only one other person other there had those characteristics.

She could do this, she could live with this secret. She could handle anything that belonged to her and Chris.

They had said goodbye and that was how it would stay.

"Okay." She nodded before looking up at the doctor. "Thank you very much."

"Do you need me to call someone?" The doctor wondered in concern.

"No I'm fine, really," Stephanie told him, standing. There was no one she could call, not anymore. "Just a shock to the system, I'm sure you can imagine why?"

"Yes," Dr. Winchester agreed with a chuckle. "I surely can."

Half an hour after walking out of the Doctor's office, Stephanie still found herself sitting in her car in the parking lot. You could have told her anything today: Up was down, Edge would make a good Champion one day, the Trish and Chris storyline was a huge success and everyone loved it, and she would have maybe believed you the slightest bit. But telling her that she was having a baby with Chris, she would have laughed in your face and then hid behind her office door, sat at her desk and wished that, that was true.

But it was true and no matter how much she tried to wake up from this realistic dream, she just couldn't.

Breathing in, she stared ahead looking at nothing. _I'm having Chris's baby._ Her hands dropped from the steering wheel and her eyes widened and she felt herself fall back into the car seat, the meaning of what she had just thought finally, fully, registering with her.

She was having Chris's baby and she couldn't even tell him. She wanted to, her hand itched to dial his number that she had etched into her mind and just tell him. If this had happened while they were still together, she had no doubt that she would have told him and that he would have been happy. But that was just it that was the elephant in the room. They _weren't _together, they had said goodbye and this time they had stuck to it.

There was no way she could turn up at his locker-room at the next show and just tell him.

It killed her that her baby would never know its father.

Her hand found her stomach and she just held it there. There was a baby in there, her baby. She was so happy and so dismayed all in one screwed up package. How could she not be happy to be having a child with Chris? But how could she have a child without Chris?

Looking down she marvelled at her stomach and what was behind it. In months to come that would grow and grow and then she would be a mother. Smiling down at it, she felt the excitement at that thought and even if she kept this from Chris she knew he would have loved the child like he loved Ash.

"You may have been an unexpected surprise," she whispered into the silence of the car. "But mommy already loves you so very much and daddy..." she paused, breathing in a shaky breath. "If daddy knew about you then he would be so ecstatic, daddy would love you just as much as mommy does, and that's a whole lot."

Starting the car she drove home, her thoughts bombarding her the closer she got. In the end she had switched on the radio and turned the music up just so she could get lost in something that wasn't the turmoil of her thoughts.

She pulled into her driveway and her house loomed over her. Could she get out of her car, walk into that house and carry on with this façade, pretending that everything was okay and that she wasn't two seconds away from turning around and leaving everything behind, where everyone else could deal with her aftermath.

Sighing, she had no other choice, she opened the car door, shut it with a bang behind her and made her way into her home. Except it wasn't her home, it was Paul's and she just lived there. It was pristine and clean, much like a hospital and she hated it, but it suited her, she wasn't living anyway.

Making her way into the bedroom she shared with Paul, she made her way into her walk in closet and pushed back some dresses and t-shirts before reaching in and pulling out a box. To the naked eye it looked nothing more than a hat box, that some fancy hat was kept in to protect it, but Stephanie knew better. Had kept her secret well hidden, away from prying eyes and enquiring minds.

Sitting the box on the floor, she knelt down beside it and opened the lid and bit her lip. She hadn't looked in here for so long. Reaching in she pulled out a black t-shirt and couldn't help but smile.

Chris had given her his Fozzy shirt one night, after they had been joking around in his locker-room and he had spilt his can of soda all down her. He had been wearing it at the time and after he had apologies endlessly to her he had pulled it off and gave it to her without question. She had wore it and loved the feel of it and how she could smell his aftershave all over it.

This box was her memories of Chris.

Movie stubs from when they had gone out to a movie, when they had fought over popcorn. She had insisted that butter popcorn was better and he had disagreed and told her salted was. She remembered how they had bought one of each and then ended up eating the others. She loved salted now and Chris loved buttered.

She pulled out a receipt and remembered the restaurant instantly. It was this small Italian restaurant that he had taken her to in down town New York and she had loved it immediately. The food was just right and the surrounding atmosphere was what she craved in her everyday life.

Some might call her sentimental with keeping things like that, but she knew she wouldn't be with Chris forever so she had held onto anything the reminded her of him and the things they had done together. She couldn't give them up and let them become some distant memory, not when they had made her so happy.

Reaching into her back pocket, she pulled out her appointment card and put it into the box. The card would remind her of this day. The day when one of her dreams had come true. That sounded cheesy to her yes, but it was no less true. She placed the lid back over the box and shut away the memories - they were still too raw for her. Given time she would steel herself and be able to look at the book for more than a minute or two without falling apart.

Leaning back against one of the walls of the closet, she let her head rest back on it and let her thoughts wonder and it was no surprise that they circulated around Chris. It never was.

_I don't want to do this without you Chris, but I know you have Ash to look after so me and the kid will look after each other and don't worry I'll make sure they know who their daddy is, even if I can only tell her or him about the most talented wrestler in the business and the Rock God who has the world at his feet...don't worry, we can do this. I'm a McMahon and you're an Irvine...what better genes can a child have?_

Now she had a reason to live, she didn't have slowly die now.

And that felt good.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews last chapter, I'm glad you all enjoyed it. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one too.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I just use the name Stephanie took at their secret wedding.

**Quote used by John Greenleaf Whittier. **

**Chapter 10  
**

There had been a quote once;

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'"

In a perfect world where she had told Paul that she was pregnant his reaction would have been more exuberant or the least bit happy. But no, Paul pulled off indifference like no one else she knew. Granted, she wasn't exactly buzzing with excitement herself, it wasn't like she was telling the father of her child anyway. Paul was just there to tell, an obstacle of sorts to get over. She did have to laugh at the look on his face. There was one word to describe it and that was; priceless.

Thinking back to the conversation, she wondered if she hadn't been so blunt, if his reaction might have been different. But, she'd never know now.

"_Steph," She heard Paul's voice call out through the house. "I'm home."_

"_Oh, yay!" Stephanie muttered to herself as she watched Paul walk into the kitchen._

"_Hey," he greeted her as he walked over to where she was sitting, leaning down and kissing her. Stephanie turned her head at the last second so his kiss landed on her cheek, she didn't know if she could stomach having him kiss her anymore. "You wouldn't believe the work out I had, I was at the peak of my performance." _

"_That's nice." Stephanie spoke, her voice sounding nothing more than bored. Every time Paul went and had a work out he came back and this conversation was repeated over and over. She didn't care if this was the best work out of his life he still looked the same to her. _

_Opening the refrigerator she watched as he pulled out a carton of milk and then bring it up to his mouth. Before he took his first sip she noticed that he seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah, how was the doctors appointment?" _

_Life changing came to mind first, yeah, it was certainly life changing. Watching him drink, she didn't really know how to break it to him. Should she ease into it? Tell him nothing at all? Wait till he noticed that she was gaining weight? _

"_I'm pregnant." She never was one to beat around the bush, McMahon's were straight to the point, and there was no use in changing now._

_She bit back a smirk as she watched him choke on his milk and then turn to her with wide eyes. Maybe she should have waited till after he had finished drinking. _

"_You're what?" he choked out, his hands falling to his sides and the grip on the milk container slacking considerably._

"_I'm pregnant." Stephanie repeated._

_She didn't expect him to make any sense to what she was saying; it was after all earth shattering news, depending on your feelings towards it. _

_And as Paul opened his mouth and spoke, he made it clear where this came on his list of priorities. "This isn't going to interfere with your input to Vince is it?" _

_No 'Congratulation', no 'I'm going to be a father?' and no 'Wow, I'm really happy.' She didn't expect them of course, that would be expecting too much and she had come to expect the minimal amount of interest on any topics that didn't revolve around wrestling. "It's more than likely."_

"_Great, Steph!" Paul exclaimed, slamming the carton down on to the kitchen worktop. "Do you know how this is going to interfere with my career? I'll have to take time off won't I? To look after this thing! You're timing is just fantastic!" he raged and Stephanie wished she was telling this to Chris because no matter what his reaction would have been, it would never be this._

"_Well, I'm sorry Paul if there's a next time I'll be sure to time it around your schedule." Stephanie replied disdainfully._

"_Next time? There won't be a next time!" Paul let her know condescendingly. "It's bad enough we have one on the way to ruin our lives, but another after that? Never going to happen." _

_Well if she never knew his stance on children before now, she sure as hell did now. Thinking back, maybe she should have clicked sooner. She remembered his reaction to the 'Fake Pregnancy' storyline and that again had been almost explosive. He hated it and she fought for it, the chance to be away from him on screen was to much a temptation to pass by. It had lead to the 'Business Partners' storyline and she got to spend as much time with Chris as she liked and nobody was any the wiser. The only bitter memory of that time was Paul going over her head and going straight to Vince and vetoing the 'Affair' storyline between Chris and herself. If that had happened...who knows where she would be right now. _

"_Have you thought of other options?" Paul continued on._

_Other options? What other options did she have? She frowned trying to think what he meant and then it clicked and her head snapped round and she glared at him and that cliché saying of 'If looks could kill, you'd be dead right now', was no truer than it was in that instant. If she had been standing next to him she would have slapped the taste out of his mouth. "Don't you dare even suggest that Paul." _

"_Think about it Stephanie," he began, before she stood up abruptly cutting him off._

"_No!" she told him forcefully. "I can't believe you even suggested that." She said disgustedly before turning on her heel and walking away from him._

She hadn't spoken to him since. He had tried to start a conversation but she'd look at him and he would immediately shut his mouth. The car ride to the arena was stony to say the least. The silence in the car was making him uncomfortable and she could tell, but she was letting the cruel side of herself take the front seat and let him wallow in his self made atmosphere.

When they had entered the building she continued to ignore him and when she saw Randy heading their way she just wanted to head back into her car and drive home or go find Chris and make a life with him. Yeah, the latter sounded more appealing. She knew she didn't want to stand around and listen to two of the company's biggest egotistical asses that was for sure.

"Stephanie's pregnant." Were the first words to leave Paul's mouth and she didn't know who was more shocked; Randy with his wide eyes and slacked jaw, due to being totally unprepared for that sentence or Stephanie with her own wide eyes and slacked jaw, for him just blurting out their personal business...her personal business. She didn't want anyone to know.

"Wow, man!" Randy spluttered bringing a hand up and clasping Paul's shoulder. "You must be so happy."

"Like you wouldn't believe." He let Randy know, and Stephanie wanted to call him a two-faced liar but she was still trying to overcome the initial shock of him just blurting that out. She felt him take her hand in his and bring it up to his mouth so he could kiss it and she could only watch in bewilderment.

It wasn't meant to play out like this.

What if news spread and Chris found out?

It wasn't meant to be like this.

Chris for his part was blissfully unaware, albeit that was the only thing he had going for him at this point in his life. Well his complete unawareness of what was going on with Stephanie and Ash. He had lost the woman he loved, he had literally let go of the grasp he had on her. Jessica was annoying him in the worst way possible, as everything she did seemed to irritate him to the point that they ended up arguing. His wrestling skills lacked the zest they used to have, resulting in him being pushed to the back burner and to top it all off he only had one wrestling boot with him tonight.

He really hoped that was the worst thing that would happen tonight, he didn't think he could handle anything more than what had already come to pass.

Sighing he let his one and only boot fall to the floor and leaned back against the wall behind him. He was a lost man without Stephanie that much was true. Life just seemed tedious and mind-numbingly uninteresting compared to the enthralling and enticing life he lead when she was in the picture.

Would it be weak of him to admit that he hadn't slept properly since they had left each other? Because if so, he was the weakest man in the world at the moment. How could he sleep and have every dream be about her only to wake and find it be just that, a dream that his heart desired.

Sleep only came from exhaustion and at that it was restless and he woke more tired than he had been previous. Oh, the life and times of Chris Irvine were an extraordinary read.

He must have zoned out for more than a minute because when he became fully aware of his surroundings the hubbub from outside was far from ordinary. _Something big must have happened, _he thought to himself. He couldn't really care for idle gossip though because it didn't interest him in the slightest and more often than not it wasn't true to begin with. He swore 3/4 of the wrestlers in this business liked to gossip more that ladies who lunched.

He'd let the new round of rumours and accusations pass him by and stay in this bubble of nonchalant not knowing.

That would have been the plan if the door to the locker-room wasn't almost taken from its hinges. He looked up at Trish as she panted in the threshold of the door. It must be something juicy if she had ran all the way from where she was to tell him.

"Oh, my god!" she practically squealed out. "You will not and I repeat that, _will not,_ believe what I have to tell you!"

"Um, Lance Storm actually has a sense of humour?" Chris threw out as a guess.

"Not even close." Trish let him know.

"Hmm, Jay is actually a cleverly disguised woman?"

"You're never going to get it!" Trish told him impatiently, bouncing on her heels.

Laughing Chris took in her anxious appearance and gave in. "Okay Trish, put me out of my misery, tell me what has everyone in such an uproar."

"Stephanie McMahon is pregnant."

There are times in life where you expect the unexpected and go with the punches that are thrown your way, grow from them and move on, but in this case Chris felt like he had taken one single solid punch to the gut and fell lifelessly to the ground in defeat.

He was looking at Trish but he couldn't see her properly, couldn't take in anything but the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach or the pain that shot from his heart. He watched her lips moving and they were going at a rapid pace, spewing information right, left and centre but everything else surrounding him was moving in slow motion.

This couldn't be true.

His mind swam and he tried to gasp in some air but nothing was going right for him. His breathe had left him the second Trish had finished that sentence and he could not get that back for the life of him. His mind needed to catch up but it was to busy repeating what Trish had just said.

'Stephanie McMahon is pregnant. Stephanie McMahon is pregnant. Stephanie McMahon is pregnant.'

It was like a big flashing light, right in front of his face mocking him. He wanted to reach out and smash it with his bare fists, but he was numb, numb all over and he couldn't feel or move any part of his body. And just as suddenly as the stillness had washed over him it was gone and he sank down onto the bench he was sitting on.

The pit of his stomach started to bubble and the next thing he knew he was laughing out loud. It surprised him and it had surprised Trish too, because she had abruptly stopped what she was doing and just looked at him. Chris tried to stop the laughter, he really did but everything he wanted his body to do seemed to do the opposite.

"I'm sorry!" he choked out, biting his lip hard as he tried to suppress his laughter. "Where did you hear that? That's some tale going around huh?" Smiling at her he realised that was all it was, a rumour someone had started. He almost wanted to see Stephanie's face when she heard that one, they would have laughed together after she had chewed the head off of whoever had started it in the first place.

He knew Stephanie wouldn't let him find out this way. He meant more to her than to just let him hear it through the grapevine.

"It's true Chris!" Trish exclaimed her tone adamant. "Jay told me, and he heard it from Adam who is doing a storyline with Randy. Paul told Randy like the second he walked in the door. Stephanie was with him and she didn't even try to deny it." She explained and as an after thought she added. "I heard they both looked really happy."

Chris had wondered before, on more than one occasion what it felt like to have your heart ripped out, he was sure he had experience it; Having to let Stephanie go the first time, seeing Stephanie with Paul and letting go of Stephanie the final time. But this, this feeling was nothing like before. He was almost sure he was going to die then and there, as there was no other possible option that he saw.

"I have to go tell everyone I have ever met!" Trish exclaimed again, bursting out the door like she had entered.

Chris just sat there though, he couldn't comprehend anything. How could this be possible? Stephanie was having Paul's baby? That was just unacceptable, because she shouldn't be having anyone's child except his. He wanted to charge to their locker-room, pound on the door until someone answered it, charge in and hit Paul over and over again till his hand got sore. That's what he wanted to do, but he couldn't move, he couldn't feel and he couldn't breathe.

His will to live had slowly slipped out of him and the fight to keep her his had drained away also.

This was the final nail in the coffin. He and Stephanie had no connection to each other now and they certainly didn't have one as big as having a child together.

It was finally over.

Closing his eyes he breathed in a ragged breath and as he let it out, he felt the tears fall and wet his cheeks that accompanied the broken sob that escaped him. He slid off of the bench he was sitting on and sank down onto his knees, his head bowed to the ground and his eyes closed tight. His shoulders shook and he tried to regain some control, but it was hopeless, he was nothing more than a broken man.

He reached a hand up and wiped furiously at his tears but they just kept coming, assaulting him like the words Trish had spoken. But unlike the tears the words kept hurting him, verbally stabbing him over and over until they had taken ever last ounce of decorum he had left.

_Mark this date on your calenderer as the date that Chris Irvine died, _he thought morosely, what more did he have to live for now? Not even Ash proved to be the light at the end of this long, torturous and bleak tunnel.

Throwing his head back he looked upwards and breathed in again, his unshed tears glistening in the brash lighting. He needed to get out of here, he needed to get as far away as possible, there was no way he could handle staying around here anymore, he'd give up his career if necessary, he could not look at Stephanie and not want what Paul had with her. It was too much, he had reached his breaking point and he couldn't handle anymore.

Standing shakily, he looked around him and everything was so still and quiet and to prefect for words. Why should the world surrounding him be perfect when he had to live with this now? His eyes blazed as his fists clenched and unclenched and as if some supernatural force had over took his body, he watched himself attack anything within reach.

He lifted a chair and flung it against the wall facing him and before it fell to the floor with a bang, he had already smashed his hand through the bench he had been sitting on. As his hand throbbed from the pain he had caused himself, he kicked the bench causing it even more damage and didn't stop till most of it snapped and crumbled under his feet. In one last furry of motion he lifted the chair again and threw it like before only this time, it smashed a mirror and left the shards shattered and broken on the floor, and one could look at it like a comparison of his heart.

He grabbed a t-shirt out of his bag and pulled it on, before gathering his things hurriedly from the anarchy he had caused around him and then stuffing them carelessly into his bag. Walking to the door, he gripped the handle and went to pull it open, but he let himself fall against it and let the weight of the world crush him where he stood. If he was thinking clearly he would have found that ironic, seeing as his world had just ended.

He let his fists slam off of the door causing the door to dent in the repercussion of his devastation. He didn't stop until fatigue over took him and he almost sank to the floor in defeat. He needed to be strong and make it out of here, and then he could break in the solace of his own company.

Turning the door handle with what little energy he had left, he opened it and stepped out into the disarray of the backstage area with only one mission in mind: get out of here as fast as possible. He couldn't stay and hear snippets of conversations that included the words; 'Stephanie.', 'Pregnant.', 'Paul.' or 'Baby.' He would lose his mind by the end, if he heard anything relating to them he was sure of it.

Moving forward he kept his head down, he didn't dare look up in case he caught somebody's eye and they saw through the masquerade he was so desperately hanging on to. He brushed past people and ran into them and he didn't stop to apologise as they cried out in protest or called his name.

He needed to reach the door, the outside world where things made sense again. He didn't know if that was ever going to be possible again. Daring to look up he saw the door dead ahead, twenty feet away from him at least. His relief would soon be sought out.

Charging forward he paid no attention to anything, this area was deserted so he was home free, no more interruptions, just an escape. It should have worked out that way, and he should have been out the door by now, not crashing into someone causing them to fall to the ground and making them gasp in surprise.

He wasn't a rude person, so he couldn't help but turn to whoever it was and offer an apology. It should have worked out that way as well, and it would have too if the person he had collided with was anyone other than Stephanie.

He froze the instant he realised it was her and when she saw that it was him she did the same. He about had a heart attack as he remembered her condition, it was unlikely that he was ever going to forget anytime soon though, and he hurried over to her and grasped her arm and pulled her up.

He tried to push the sensations running through him away and tried to stop his mind from trailing off into some haze as it realised that if he leaned in just the slightest bit his lips would be on hers and they would be kissing. Trish's words came at him again, taunted him and made him want to scream. 'Stephanie McMahon is pregnant.' _She's pregnant Chris and it's not yours,_ apparently his mind liked to add insult to injury.

Dropping his hand from her arm he took a step back and adverted his gaze from looking at her. He was already dying; he didn't need to prolong it anymore so, it hurt all the same. "Are you okay?" he asked her, his voice barely recognisable as he whispered.

"Yeah," Stephanie replied slowly, it hurt to look at him and not be able to just blurt it all out. "I'm good."

"So I hear." Chris mumbled and his desire to beat Paul resurfaced. Why did that man have everything he wanted? Why did he have everything Chris needed to live? Shaking his thoughts clear, he steeled himself and turned to her. "So you and Paul huh? I-I'm happy for you...both." He didn't know when he had gotten so good at lying but from the sounds of it, he had mastered it. Stephanie would never know how bitter and piercingly awful he felt when he had heard the news. More importantly she'd never know how hurt he felt, not towards her, but with life in general. If his life was planned out like this from the start, then why did he have to live at all? All he encountered was blow after blow of lose or heartbreak, and he couldn't take another disastrous blow and live to tell about it.

Stephanie cringed as she heard him speak those words to her, she could read him like a book and the hurt that laced his voice combined with the lost look his eyes had, she knew he had found out about her condition before she had, had a chance to tell him. It hadn't been sugar coated and she couldn't do anything to lessen the blow and that killed her.

"I'm sure you'll both make good parents." Chris continued in his falseness, preparing to end this so he could run for the door. Fittingly giving him the perfect ending to the ruinous day.

He watched Stephanie nod and look anywhere but at him. _Say goodbye and leave Chris. _Yeah, that sounded like a good idea to him. Reaching a hand up he moved to cup her face one last time and stopped an inch away from actually doing so. _She isn't mine anymore._ Dropping his hand back down Chris gave her something that he hoped resembled a smile. "I-I'll s-see you a-around huh?"

Stephanie watched him turn and walk away from her. His shoulders were slumped and his feet were scuffing the floor as he walked. The closer he got to the door, the closer he got away from her, the more her heart ached and her mind begged her to tell him. But how could she tell him and not ruin the life he had made with Jessica and Ash?

She watched him reach up and push the door open and she realised then that the minute he stepped over the threshold that would be it over, he would never know he had a child with her and she could live a life where she pretended to be happy.

She didn't want to pretend.

"It's yours."

And as she watched him freeze and turn towards her she knew she had changed her life once more.

She just didn't know if she had changed his as well.

For the better or for the worst.

**Love? Hate? Whatever the overall feeling, review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter =D I loved them. So yes, this is the next chapter and thinks take a turn here, enjoy the ride.

**Disclaimer:**Yep, don't own anyone or anything. Chris and Stephanie do and as you can see from the last chapter, they own Aurora too.

**Chapter 11**

"It's yours."

In moments of utter confusion and astonishment, the mind tends to leave you so that you can fend for yourself, only rejoining you when you have effectively dealt with the action that had caused this reaction in the first place. The mind empties, the rudimentary simple act of breathing stops and somehow the world speeds ups and throws you off your axis that you had so become accustomed with. You then watch your actions without any actual say and can only prepare for the after effects. It really was one a hell of a ride.

One Chris found himself on.

His mind couldn't quite grasp the meaning behind those two simple, unadorned words. Not that there was any chance of misinterpreting them. He had already had so much hurled at him today, and this was the last thing that he could take that would potentially make his mind shutdown and cause him to become catatonic. But this wasn't just anyone telling him, this was Stephanie, and that, that right there was the hope he had been so frantically grasping for.

Dropping his hand from the door he was holding open, he arduously turned and faced Stephanie. His wide eyes took her in and he noted she looked almost fearful. Was she worried about his reaction? What was his reaction for that matter? He felt all kinds of numb, but unlike before when he had first heard the news from Trish, it wasn't a cold sort of numb. No, it was like he was pleasantly numb even...happy. Alive. He had to make sure he had heard her right though, he couldn't just jump to conclusions. Not that his mind wasn't going a million miles a second, he kinda wished he could pull out one of those thoughts and use it as a starting point. But all he had was a stuttering, "W-w-what?"

His feet were moving now and he was going against all his earlier thoughts of fleeing and found himself walking back into the proverbial lion's den. He had to be near her, now more than ever.

Stephanie's eyes bore into him, pleading for him to say something other than what he had asked. She didn't know if she could tell him again without losing her composure. She almost welcomed Paul's reaction again, that at least she knew how to deal with. This was completely new territory and for all she knew she had just told him something that he didn't want to know.

She hadn't seen him in months, and because of that she didn't know anything about his life now, not in the business or in his home life. She hated to think it, but it was entirely possibly that he had moved on with Jessica and started life a fresh with her, like he should have to begin with. Jessica could be his family again with him successfully moving on. She had dropped a bomb and there was no way to take it back and apparently her mouth wouldn't shut up.

"It's yours." She repeated, sighing and turning away to look anywhere but at Chris directly. Chris was sure if he had any ounce of control over his body he would have reached a hand up and turned her face to him. "It's not even a possibility of it being Paul's, and the timing doesn't even come close to working out for it to be his." She trailed off, wishing her mouth would just close so she could disappear.

"What do you mean?" Chris choked out.

"Paul and I haven't," she began only to pause and sigh again. "We haven't been that way since before you and I. That's how I know that it's yours." She finished quietly.

Head rushes were a nifty thing, or at least Chris thought so as he felt this euphoria surge through him. Was it healthy to go from overwhelmingly distraught to amazingly content in the space of a few minutes? Chris didn't think so, but he was fighting to survive through this change and flow with it, because more than anything he wanted to ride this out and reap the rewards.

"I thought I could not tell you and pretend, but Chris...you don't deserve that and I can't keep your child from you." Stephanie told him, her voice heavy with tears and once hearing that Chris gained some sort of movement within him and brought Stephanie's face up to look at him. She was biting her lip to keep from losing what little control she had left and her eyes glistened with tears. To her credit she hadn't let any fall no matter how close she was to letting them.

Chris hated to see her like that but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't form any sort of reassuring words to soothe her. It was like he was trapped inside his own mind screaming to be let out so he could do everything he wanted to do. But all he seemed to speak were unintelligible sentences that more often than not contained "Hmm" and "Oh" and he was getting sick of saying the word "Oh". Stephanie deserved more than an "Oh."

"I suppose you need time to think it over huh?" Stephanie mumbled looking away again. "That's expected." She nodded. "I-I'll just go." She pointed back from where Chris had come from earlier. "I'll see you around." She finished repeating Chris's earlier sentiment.

Watching her turn Chris was seconds away from freaking out. There was no way he was going to let her walk out of his life, not now, not _ever. _She was having his baby. He gasped at that thought, Stephanie was having _his_ baby. He felt a smile come to his face, a shiver run through his body and he was almost 100 percent positive that his heart would burst from the happiness he was experiencing right now. He was going to be a father, that thought blew his mind. No, the thought that blew his mind was that he was going to be a father and Stephanie was going to be the mother to their baby.

Their baby.

His hand shot out and took Stephanie's own in his, just like it was meant to be, and it caused her to stop short and then he turned her and pulled her to him. "That baby is ours." He spoke his voice full of wonder and his free hand reached out and laid it across her stomach, which caused him to let out a chuckle. Looking down at it he couldn't help but marvel at what was growing in there. He looked up and caught Stephanie's eyes with his own and the smile that covered his face hurt because he was sure he hadn't had a reason to smile since he left her.

"Our baby!" he said out loud stunned, amazed, astounded, take your pick he was most certainly it.

"Ye-yeah." Stephanie stuttered out, still not sure how to act around him. She let that thought fall on deaf ears though as se felt him take her into his arm.

"I'm having a kid with you!" His voice rang out and it was like music to her ears. His voice sounded so excited and as he lifted her up and spun her around she couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out from her, and she couldn't stop her arms from lifting and wrapping around his neck. As he slowed she leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder.

This was how it was meant to be.

Laughing heartily Chris pulled back and then without thinking leaned down and kissed her, in the middle of a deserted hallway in some arena in some part of some town, for the world and their mother too see and he couldn't give a damn.

"A baby!" he repeated for about the third time. "Do we know what it is yet? Is it a boy? It's a girl isn't it? It's one or the other isn't it?" he rapidly fired question after question at her. "If it's a girl she's going to be a Daddy's Girl, and I'm going to chase the boys away till she's fifty! Don't think I'm kidding you here, don't think any boy is getting his filthy hands on my little Princess." Grinning up at Stephanie he winked at her and then dropped to his knees before reaching out and lifting up her t-shirt. "Hear that sweetie? Daddy's gonna keep you his for as long as possible." Moving forward he planted a kiss on Stephanie's stomach and then stood up and did the same to her lips. "If it's a boy we have to get him little hockey boots cause my son has to learn how to play hockey so he can take on his old man from a young age. He'll lose, but that's expected when he's facing me." He explained his eyes glowing. "With Ash it was exactly like that, Jessica always go way overprotec-"

Jessica. She always seemed to be in the way of his happiness.

Looking up at Stephanie they both realised that this wasn't going to work. Not without someone getting hurt. Stephanie didn't want Chris to hurt anymore, hadn't she caused him enough pain already? "This is so screwed up." She commented sadly.

"Can't I just have a life with you?" Chris wondered idly. "Is it wrong that I dream that I'm with you or that we're actually happy?" he asked her. "Can't I get what I want, can't I get it just this once? Is that to much to ask?"

"We should know by now Chris," Stephanie began sighing. "That in this life we'll never get what we want. If we did," she paused. "I'd have you and our baby and we'd be a family." She told him with a wistful smile. "We wouldn't have to find moments in deserted hallways to feel alive."

"Run away with me right now." Chris proposed suddenly. "Take my hand and leave with me right now and we'll never have to look back again."

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere you wanted," Chris let her know. "I'd follow you anywhere."

"If only it was that simple huh?"

"Come with me and we'll make it that simple." Chris pointed out, reaching out his hand.

Stephanie looked down at his hand. All she had to do was reach forward and take it. It looked so tempting and really it was everything that she wanted. Looking up at him she knew he was just waiting for her to reach out and who was she to deny him what he wanted? Her eyes glowed as she found the feeling in her stomach build as she lifted her hand, she knew this was the right thing to do. She wanted their happy life and she was going to have it, consequences be damned.

"Lead the way." She whispered, placing her hand in his.

Pulling her to him Chris kissed her fervently. "I love you."

Following him out the doors to the arena she held onto his hand tight, "Not half as much as I love you."

The doors that shut behind them closed, effectively shutting the past behind. If they had waited a minute or two more than they did, maybe they wouldn't have found themselves in Chris's rental car driving out of the parking lot and joining the freeway. That much may have been true, because behind those closed doors Paul rounded the corner seconds after they closed, searching for his wife.

"This is crazy!" Stephanie exclaimed happily as she gripped Chris's hand as they drove. She hadn't felt this free in such a long time.

"Should we expect anything different when it concerns us baby?" Chris asked his voice full of his own excitement. Getting everything you want in such a mixed up day of loss and gain, tended to make the mind screwy at best. But the one solid thought that was going through his mind was that Stephanie was with him now and they would make a life together.

It was all planned out now, he could see it. They were going to be so happy. He could feel it. He moved his hand to her stomach. "I can't believe we made that." He whispered. "He or she is going to be so beautiful Stephanie."

"If they take after their daddy, then that won't be hard."

Chris laughed and reached over and kissed her. "You mean if they take after their mom, then they'll be the most beautiful person on the planet, then yeah you're right. Cause their mom is stunningly beautiful."

"Charmer." Stephanie remarked playfully.

"Dazzling, alluring, you name it Stephanie your beauty is unmatched by anything on this earth." Chris rebutted, with a lazy smile.

"I can't get enough of you." She told him as she reached up a hand and ran it through his hair. "Paul's reaction was indifference, I didn't expect much, but I expected more than I got." Stephanie let him know. "You were so different, so happy. You make my heart feel like it's finally home."

"It's funny that, because I know when I'm with you my heart is home." Chris told her. "We can do this Steph. You, me and the kid. We'll buy a house, a car, whatever the hell you do in life when you start a family. We'll make it and well last." He told her with conviction.

"That sounds like a plan." Stephanie replied, liking the sound of that.

"Where do you want to live?"

"Where ever you are is fine." Stephanie told him.

"Canada? America? Australia? Japan?" Chris threw out.

"Hmm, between Canada and America." Stephanie laughingly replied.

"Not Japan? We just don't belong together!" Chris kidded.

"It's just the commute baby, it's hell."

"I'll buy you a house in every state, how is that?"

"Over kill?"

"Yeah, I don't want to be bankrupt." Chris nodded.

"Oh, don't worry my money will keep us afloat."

"That's why I'm with you. It's the money and nothing else." Chris joked.

"Well, I'm only with you because you're the father of my baby."

"I'm glad we have our priorities straight then, then we don't need to deal with this mushy love stuff." Chris spoke.

"Mushy love stuff?" Stephanie repeated.

"Yeah, with me loving you like crazy and you loving me just the same."

"That sounds about right."

"Tomorrow I'll pick up Ash and we can spend the day with him."

She had been so caught up in the moment, that the fact that Chris was already a father had slipped her mind. This was wrong. He needed to be a father for Ash. He and Jessica needed to be a family unit for that little boy. She should have thought this through, because it would have saved her so much pain if she had only done that. But Chris's hand had been there and it had been to tempting not to take, and she had left the drama of her life behind in that instant. It seemed though, you could only close the door on your past for so long, before it swung open again and there were the same worries and complications that had been left there.

She looked at Chris, and he looked content and in that scarce instant where you lose all sense of thought she didn't care that he had another son, they could work with that. She would let him keep driving, and they could find that perfect house and live their live like they should have been doing if they had met first.

Those instants were what kept her sane, but they weren't reality and she was faced with reality right now. They couldn't live their dream, it would prove fruitless in the end.

"Chris?" she whispered.

"Yeah, baby?" he questioned back, turning to look at her.

"We can't do this."

In future reference he needed to remember to tell Stephanie not to tell him stuff like that when he was driving. Not unless she wanted to smash into the car right in front of them. _We can't do this? _He repeated silently. _We're doing it of course we can do it. _"You're not making sense baby." He told her adamantly, hating the fact that his palms suddenly got sweaty.

"You have a son already." Stephanie pointed out.

"I know and I love him, like I love the kid that we're having." Chris pointed out, slowing the car down and pulling into the side of the road. He could have this conversation and have his attention fully on the road and he would not risk her safety.

"You and Jessica need to be a family for him."

"You and I can make a family for him." Chris told her.

"His mother is Jessica," Stephanie told him. "You and her are all that he's ever known. I won't change that."

"Don't do this to us Stephanie please, I don't think we can survive without each other." Chris begged.

"You'll have Jessica." Stephanie told him quietly.

"Fuck, Jessica!" Chris exploded. "I don't love her! I love you and only you." He stressed. "And I will not live without you or our child. Ash will learn to adjust to change okay? I love him to death but he wouldn't want his father to be unhappy, would he?"

"I won't let him go through that Chris. I'm not screwing up your child's life." Stephanie told him, her resolve growing.

"But you're willing to do it with our child's life?" Chris shot back.

"We can work that out!" Stephanie stressed.

"Yeah, we already have. We're making a life together. We just gotta hang in there, hold on to each other until the water settles." He paused. "I can't live a life without you, it's like having a heart that doesn't beat." Chris whispered.

"I don't have a life without you," Stephanie began. "But your son doesn't deserve that either. He deserves a father, whose going to be there for them."

"That's a catch 22 Stephanie, you're opposing the same thing you don't want for Ash, on our own child." Chris pointed out. "How is that right?"

"It just has to be. It doesn't have to make sense but..." she stalled. "We can't live like this. Together, it just doesn't work."

Sighing Chris knew he was fighting a losing battle. "You're wrong."

"Maybe."

"Just let me drive, let me put my foot to the ground and you won't have time to look back."

"Don't temp me Chris, you already broke me down once, I can't last through another one."

"Why couldn't I have met you first?" Chris wondered helplessly.

"Because life didn't plan out that way. We found each other when we did and now, now we have to live the life we're in."

"That's unfair."

"Life's unfair." Stephanie whispered. "You should probably start the car."

"Yeah."

But he didn't and they sat in silence.

The car ride back to the arena was silent as well. They couldn't talk to each other and not break. All Chris wanted to do was take her hand and hold it, but he knew he couldn't. All Stephanie wanted to do was tell him to turn the car around so they could disappear, but she couldn't. Stephanie closed her eyes as the arena they had left earlier loomed overhead, she was driving back to the life she hated.

Chris pulled into a parking space and shut off the engine with a tired sigh. "This is it huh?"

"Welcome to our lives." Stephanie muttered miserably.

"We'll talk things over right? About the baby, because I want to be in its life."

"Of course you'll be in it, I'd never stop you from seeing him or her." She whispered. "I should go."

"Stephanie," Chris called out as he saw her open the car door. "Please just stay with me. It's not too late, we can pretend we never even came back. We can just disappear, I can do that, and I can live like that. For you'd I'd do anything." Chris told her desperately.

"You'd do anything for me?" Stephanie repeated.

"Anything." Chris vowed.

"Go back to your son and give him the life he deserves."

Closing his eyes he nodded, he wouldn't argue anymore. "Okay." He whispered brokenly. He watched Stephanie step out of his car and close the door and he just couldn't let her leave like that. Flinging open his door he jumped out of his seat and hurried behind her. "Steph," he spoke, reaching up and grabbing her arm. Turning her round he took in her confused face. "I can't just let you walk away without telling you that I'll always love you and despite everything that has happened today; the good, the bad and everything in between, you still made me the happiest man alive." Reaching a hand up he cupped her face. "You told me I'm going to be a father, it doesn't get better than that." Leaning forward he kissed her and relished in how every time he did so it just got better and better. Pulling back he smiled down at her, "This isn't goodbye, it's merely a see you later."

"I love you." Stephanie told him, sniffing slightly.

"Don't cry," Chris told her. "We have the best connection in the world. You can't forget me if you tried."

"I'd never forget you." Stephanie whispered.

"I'm glad you told me it was mine," Chris let her know. "It saved me."

"It saved you? Saved you from what?"

"From dying." Chris told her simply. "When I found out my zest for life stopped." He explained. "When you told me it was mine, you saved my life."

Stephanie looked at him, his words warming her inside and out, she loved him so much and it was going to kill her to walk away from him. Her eyes searched his for any way to make this easier, but it never got easier, each time they walked away from each other it only got harder and things were so much more complicated now. He nodded at her and gave her a small smile and turned on his heel and she watched as he walked away from her. It didn't hurt as much as usual, but she knew it was only because she knew it wasn't goodbye.

They'd never have a goodbye anymore, they would forever be interconnected by their child. That made her smile as she turned and headed back towards the building, maybe she could live like this. She opened the door to the arena and she entered a world she hardly even knew anymore. Nothing made sense when she wasn't with him. He was her balance beam that kept her world on axis and made everything so clear.

She made it to her locker room door and almost about turned as she thought about Paul being on the other side of it. How could she go back to him when she almost had the perfect life with Chris? A few more miles and it would have been theirs. Sighing, she pushed the door open and the second she stepped over the threshold Paul was in front of her.

Life wasn't some kind of fairytale, and the first words out of his mouth weren't _'I've been so worried about you!'_ it was, "Do you have any idea the inconvenience you caused me?"

"Sorry."

"Next time tell me where you're going, so I can tell your father..." Paul began but his voice faded as she sat down and got lost in anything but him.

Maybe she should feel a little guilt for leading Paul along and not telling him the honest truth but, she didn't and if that made her a bad person then so be it. It wasn't like he cared anyway and looking back had he ever? Maybe in the start when they were so caught up in each other, but that had passed and she was so caught up in Chris she never saw an end in sight.

When it came down to it today wasn't your typical day like any other and she would wake up tomorrow and think about what she had given up and wonder where Chris was. Was he with Jessica? Was he thinking about her? Did he miss her like she knew she would miss him?

He had said it wasn't goodbye and that was her light right now.

Goodbyes were final.

Chris and Stephanie were anything but and if she looked at it from the outside she would realise that they weren't ending.

They were merely just beginning.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, hope you all enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything.

**Chapter 12**

Chris was running, he knew where he was running to it was just taking him forever to get there, the more he ran the more the end of the hallway seemed to become and he just didn't get it. So out of breath he came to a halt, falling back against a wall to rest and as he took in deep air filled breaths he look up and frowned, the door facing him being exactly where he wanted to be. Shrugging he stepped towards it and pushed open the door and walked into an empty room.

"Hello?" he called out but the silence was his only answer. Tightening his hold on the bag in his hand he made his way further into the room, he saw bags and that led him to believe that he hadn't stepped into some nightmare and that maybe he could be happy tonight. Walking up to the only other door in the room, he pushed it open and again was faced with nothing.

The silence unnerved him and he felt a chill run throughout his body, why? He really had no clue it was just a feeling that didn't agree with him. Sighing he turned around and made his way back to where he had came in, reaching for the handle he was seconds from opening it before the door flew open and caused him to jump back in surprise.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" Stephanie's voice rang out with her own surprise.

"I just wanted to see you." He told her, walking closer towards her and taking her hand.

"Are you crazy? Paul could have walked in and how would you have explained the fact that you're in our locker room?" She wondered slightly irked at him. Pulling her hand from his she walked away from him, and sat on the sofa in the room.

Chris turned to face her, his expression more than confused and then he went and sat next to her. "I guess I wasn't thinking." He explained, and then watched as she shifted away from him. "Steph?" He really didn't like the way she was acting, it wasn't her, not in the slightest.

"If Paul walks in and sees us Chris, we can't explain why we're sitting so close together." Stephanie reasoned.

"Screw Paul." Chris spoke out his tone nothing but annoyed.

"Chris!" Stephanie rushed out in exasperation.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled looking down. "He just gets to be with you when I can't."

"What's that in your hand?" Stephanie wondered.

Looking at the bag a smile came over his face as he reached in and pulled out what was inside. "I saw them and I couldn't resist." Lifting them up he held them out for Stephanie. "I was in the airport catching the flight here and I saw them, and I was like how can I not buy them?" It was nothing expensive really, just little baby booties that had caught his eye. They were blue because he took the chance and guessed that it was a boy and Chris could imagine them on his tiny feet.

Sighing Stephanie stood up and looked anywhere but at Chris and before Chris could ask what was wrong Stephanie was already speaking and killing Chris's dreams with every word. "Listen Chris, this thing we have isn't going to work, I've thought about it and Paul and I have talked things through and we decided we want to work this out." She whispered.

Standing Chris moved over to Stephanie and he looked lost, like nothing made sense in his upside down world. "This _thing?_ Stephanie a child is not a thing. We made something together, it's amazing."

Looking up at Chris, Stephanie reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder. "I've decided that Paul and I should raise my child, it makes sense in the long run Chris..." She told him softly.

All Chris could feel was the numbness overcome his body and then felt the baby boots fall from his hand and land with a thud on the floor. This was not happening. "W-what?" he stuttered out.

"You heard." Stephanie spoke out her voice distant and unfeeling.

"What sort of crap has he been putting in your head?" Chris raged his fist tightening. "Seriously Steph, if you think I'm letting Paul raise our child you're sadly mistaken."

Looking up at him Stephanie's eyes took on a cold look and Chris hated the callous smirk that came across her face. "How exactly do you plan on stopping it from happening?"

"I'll tell everyone the truth." Chris spoke venomously. He would not lose a child to that man.

"Who would believe you Chris?" Stephanie pointed out and what unnerved him was that there was no malice or spite behind her words all he could hear was the uncaring and unsympathetic tone she used.

"When have we ever been seen outside of work? Who knows we're friends? Who in there right mind would believe you? You're nothing Chris, you not my baby's father...Paul is, live with that."

The blackness was a welcoming thing, so he let it succumb him and all that he was. Anything beat the reality of what Stephanie had just said, even falling because that's what he was doing. It was an endless black hole and he tried to reach out to grab onto something but there was nothing and the more he fell the faster he picked up speed and even though he didn't see the ground below him anytime soon he felt this impending feeling of impact approaching and he welcomed the pain, it would dull the heartache Stephanie had left him.

There was the floor now and Chris closed his eyes and waited.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One...

As he shot up in bed Chris gasped in lung full of air and gripped his bed sheets tight, until his knuckles where white. Heaving in and out so he could get his breathing back onto its regular rhythm, he cursed that nightmare. For the last three nights in a row he had had it and every time he woke up from them he felt like he was dying. He was just glad it was a nightmare, the first night it had happened he had lost all conscious thought and called Stephanie just to make sure everything was all right. He hadn't worried about Paul or the time he just needed to hear that their baby was his.

Reaching over to his bedside table, Chris opened the drawer and rummaged around inside it till his hand found what he was looking for. Pulling it out he brought the piece of paper up towards him and took a minute or two just to look at it. He ran a finger down it and a smile came across his face, this was his baby. He remembered when he had seen it, he and Stephanie had gone to their first ultrasound.

"Chris will you sit still?" Stephanie giggled as she watched Chris continuously shake his leg up and down and wring his hands together.

"Uh," he started, grinning sheepishly. "I'm just excited."

"I am too." She told him with her own grin, grabbing his hand in her own and gripping it tightly. "Can you believe we're going to see our baby?"

"Honestly?" Chris asked and watched her nod. "I can't believe I get to be with you for the first scan. I thought for sure he would be with you."

"Thankfully he had a meeting with some sports promoter so that he can prompt himself outside the wrestling business, move more mainstream like Dwayne did." Stephanie explained. "I was all for lying to him about the date just so you could come."

Smiling at her Chris leaned in and kissed her. "You're amazing, you know that right?" Chris told her. "Sure this isn't the ideal situation, but we can work through that."

"Do you think we'll know what it is?" Stephanie asked him anxiously.

"It's still a little early, you're only 3 months, and I don't think they can tell just yet." Chris told her, his hand resting on his stomach. "Do you know what you want?"

"Mrs McMahon?" A voice called out into the waiting room, causing Chris and Stephanie to look up. Standing they followed the doctor into the room where they were going to see their baby for the first time and Stephanie's grip got together on Chris's hand with ever step she took. By the time they were standing inside, Stephanie had a vice grip on Chris's hand but he couldn't have cared, he had been waiting for this day to come since the moment Stephanie had brought up the subject of him coming with her. She had been hesitant to ask but he had quenched her fears by bringing her into his arms and telling her that he wouldn't want to be anywhere in the world that day except by her side holding her hand in his and watching there baby on the screen. She had leaned up and kissed him and told him, she wanted just that.

And now she was having it.

Leaning over Chris kissed her temple before whispering, "Everything's going to be okay Steph, and I'll make sure of it."

He felt her relax and her grip loosen and as the doctor explained what was going to happen he lifted an arm up around her Stephanie's shoulders and let his hand rub her arm. He just wished he didn't have to hide the fact that he was in love with Stephanie to the world. He would give his right arm to tell the world, he could deal with a little bit of pain for a lifetime of happiness.

Before long Stephanie was laying back on the table with cold, gooey gel on her stomach, which she had complained greatly about. She hadn't liked the surprise of it just being squirted onto her slightly protruding belly.

"Okay Stephanie," Her doctor spoke out with a smile. "I'm just going to put this on top of your stomach and move it around and we'll get a good picture of your baby okay?"

Stephanie nodded and gave the doctor an uneasy smile. It was bad enough that she had cold ooze on her, but to be prodded by some device that looked the way it did, didn't sooth her nerves. Chris noticed and reached a hand up and smoothed her hair back, promising that everything would be worth it in the end. She believed him and just let his presence hinder her nerves, Chris was her rock and she doubted she could have made it through this far in her pregnancy without him. Maybe they could make it work, even with Ash, she was sure she could make a decent step-parent for him. Opening her mouth to tell him she was stopped by the rhythmic sound of a heartbeat reverberating throughout the room. She looked up at Chris and he mirrored the grin she had on her own face and as they turned their head they saw their baby on screen.

"Wow." Stephanie murmured in awe.

"Yeah, wow," Chris had followed with his own astonishment. "He's beautiful."

"She." Stephanie corrected, smiling at Chris.

"We'll see." Chris told her, taking her hand as the continued to watch the screen and listen to what the doctor had to say.

Chris had to admit when he was with Stephanie in that hospital room watching their baby on that sonogram machine he couldn't remember a time when he was happier, well he couldn't remember a happier time that didn't include Stephanie.

The months had passed slowly from then on and when he could Chris went with Stephanie to every ultrasound. It was like a little piece of a reality in this fictitious world that surrounded him. Maybe he was having nightmares because the world he lived in was one, big, on going nightmare that stopped him being with Stephanie and now it was starting to seep into his dreams. Maybe when his baby girl was born his nightmare would finally end and he could see the bright colors that he so desperately wanted to see instead of the dull grey and blacks. He smiled as he thought back to when he found out that he was having a girl.

Stepping into the car and sitting next to Stephanie he tried to get his head around what Stephanie's doctor had just told them. It was kinda mind blowing and turning his head to look at Stephanie he realised she was pretty much in the same boat. She turned her head towards him and he could see it in her eyes, the wonder and marvel in them. "This is pretty amazing." Chris breathed out.

"A girl." Stephanie whispered.

"A girl!" Chris repeated with excitement. "We're having a girl."

"We really are and she's going to be beautiful Chris." Stephanie told him.

"If she's anything like her mom then she'll be astounding."

"If she has her daddy's eyes then she'll be breathtaking."

"What about names? Do we have any names?" Chris asked her like an excited child jumping around in his chair so he could face Stephanie.

"What about Hannah?" Stephanie threw out, screwing up her face much like Chris seconds after. "Yeah, vetoing that."

"Madison?" Chris suggested.

"Hmm, Madison Irvine?" Stephanie sounded out. "That sounds okay."

Shaking his head Chris frowned. "I'm so not letting that be the name." He let Stephanie know causing her to giggle. "Not that it's a bad name it's just not _our_ name."

"Yeah, but we'll figure it out." Stephanie assured him.

"We will." Chris agreed with a smile and then started tapping his fingers on the steering. Stephanie reached a hand and let close over Chris.

"What's wrong?" She wondered.

"You said Irvine, how is that going to work?" Chris wondered hesitantly.

"Well I figured if Paul isn't even interested in seeing what he thinks is his supposed baby, then he won't be interested enough to see the birth certificate either." Stephanie pointed out. "Plus it's your baby Chris, and I want her to have your name."

"What if he does look?" Chris wondered.

"Then I'll just have to take that chance." Stephanie told him, giving him a small smile.

"Steph, we're having a baby girl." Chris exclaimed again. "We're having a mini you!"

"With a little bit of you."

Pulling Stephanie over to him so she lay across his chest he kissed her nose and whispered, "And a lot of you." Before kissing her fully on the lips and just savouring that moment and how good he felt.

They had talked over baby names the whole car ride back to their hotel and Chris remembered how reluctant he felt letting her go. He just wanted to take her back to his room and wrap his arms around her and hold her, was that too much to ask?

But she had to go back to Paul and he couldn't tell her to stay with him, that he'd make her wishes come true and everything would be fine. That would be too easy and as he found lying next to his wife in bed, who was sleeping with not a care in the world while he fought his inner turmoil, that nothing in his life was easy anymore and nothing was the way he wanted it to be.

The days passed and the nightmares came and went but gradually they lessened and as he saw more and more of Stephanie he knew he wasn't losing his baby girl, his fear had just overcome him and he had been too weak to fight it. He was driving now and that gave him time to think, Jessica had sent him out to get her some ice cream and he had no excuse not to.

Reaching over to the car radio he turned up the volume and let himself fall into the senselessness of the music playing and in doing so he missed the vibration of his cell next to him.

He remembered this time last week, sitting on his sofa at home watching Raw and its less than stellar viewing from home due to Ash and an accident on his bike, when he had watched Shawn come down to the ring and publicly tell the world who was watching that Stephanie McMahon was in labour. Chris's world in that moment had froze and he couldn't breath, couldn't move or think intelligent thoughts. All that ran through his head was that Stephanie was having his baby and he could vaguely hear Jessica asking if he knew that Stephanie was pregnant. In that moment he wanted to turn to her and tell her that yes he did, and he knew that she was because he was the father. But he mumbled a no and lifted his half empty glass and made his way into the kitchen where he promptly left the glass forgotten on the counter and hurried to his cell that was laying on the kitchen table.

He opened it hastily and just as he was about to press speed dial number one, his cell burst to life and the music he had assigned to it assaulted his ears. Looking at the name that flashed across his screen his eyes widened and he answered it instantly. "Steph? Stephanie are you okay?" he asked her anxiously. "I just heard what Shawn said and I just, I'm not there for you Steph, how are you...what are, I'm _not_ there!"

"Chris," Stephanie voice hastily spoke down the phone. "It's a lie, I'm fine I'm not in labour it was all a lie."

"Are you sure, I mean he said so Steph, why would he say if you weren't? Oh God, I should be there with you! Are you in pain? What's it like? Oh man, I can't believe you're alone. Did you call anyone? You're not alone are you, I mean I know I just said you were but what do I know? Call your mom, yeah call your mom and I'll be there as soon as I can!" Chris rushed out, already forming a plan as to how he could get away from Jessica.

"Chris calm down, I'm not having our baby yet. Yes, I am alone but I don't need to call anyone because I'm fine, really if I was in labour you'd be the first one I'd tell."

"Are you positive?" Chris asked nervously.

"I really am Chris. Really." Stephanie stressed.

"Well don't do that okay? Do you know how freaking worried I was? Steph I was freaking out! I'll kill them, I swear the next time I see Shawn he's a dead man, I wanna hurt him so bad for doing that." Chris fumed and then let out a breath. "I just want you to be okay."

"I am," Stephanie told him softly. "I'm always okay with you."

"But you're not with me." Chris pointed out with a sigh.

"But I know you would be and really that's all that's important." Stephanie told him.

"I'll try and make it out soon okay? I want to be there for you so I'll try to make it out."

"I know you will and I'm not due for a bit, we have time." Stephanie pointed out.

"I just worry about you."

"I know you do but when I go into labour I'll let you know." She promised. "Somehow."

"I can live with somehow," Chris let her know. "Somehow is something."

And as he open his car door and climbed in with the ice cream in hand, he set it down on the passenger's seat next to his cell and started the car before his attention was drew back to his cell phone as it beeped. Sighing he picked it up and he noticed he had 3 missed calls and a voicemail, deciding to ignore the missed calls he lifted the cell to his ear and waited patiently for the message to come on.

When he heard it, he realised maybe he should have stayed home and watched Raw tonight, he would have been a lot more prepared for what he was about hear if he had. Granted, if he had stayed home maybe he wouldn't have had a voicemail but instead an actual conversation.

"Chris I, uh, I don't mean to worry you and I hate that I'm leaving you this on your cell, but I didn't think calling your home phone would have been appropriate," Stephanie's voice flowed through the line and he noticed there was a tiny bit of panic in her voice. "But you see the thing is, well my waters broke and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm having our baby." Oh those words were like a bullet to the heart and he also noted that's when the shaking started, he was beyond nervous now and all that he could do was listen to the rest of the message. "It's pretty weird, you know with the contractions, the doctors said that they'd hurt but right now, they kinda don't. They come later right? I told you I'd tell you first, but you're not there and I wish you were here to tell me everything was going to be all right. But that's doubtful since you're in Florida and I'm in my bedroom in my sweatpants and t-shirt huh?" He heard her groan in pain down the phone line and his shaking intensified. "You're going to be a daddy."

And with that she hung up.

He had been out getting freaking ice cream for Jessica while Stephanie went into labour? _Oh this was just fantastic!_ He cursed Jessica silently and couldn't stop his shaking. His hands wouldn't stay still and his stomach felt like they had let loose a million butterflies inside him. He was going to be a father and Stephanie was going to be the mother. Wow, he was going to be a father. That thought was daunting, he knew how to be a father to a boy, but to a girl? This was going to be new.

Putting the car into drive he forgot all about Jessica and her need for stupid ice cream as he headed towards the nearest airport determined to get on a flight to Connecticut so he could be there for Stephanie.

The woman he loved needed him.

And he wasn't about to let her down.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's bittersweet, but I enjoyed writing it. Hope you like it enough to review, cause reviews are love.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my own imagination and that created this.

**Chapter 13**

It felt like she was floating, almost like she was having one of those outer body experiences, watching from above as all the chaos transpired below her. She could see the doctors hovering around her talking to each other in hushed whispers and even though she was right there, right in front of them, she couldn't hear a word. Their voices were distorted and her vision was hazy at best, she felt like she was slipping and this unforgiving blackness was fast approaching. She tried to fight it but she was so exhausted and closing her eyes seemed so comforting, what was the harm? Everything stilled and in that millisecond of calm Stephanie let them slip till they closed. It felt good to let go, to not worry about anything and everything. Yeah, she was floating and it seemed like she was going higher and higher every moment.

A wail sounded throughout the room and Stephanie snapped back to consciousness with a gasp. She was a mother. A smile touched her lips, after months and months of waiting her baby girl was with the world. She fought to open her eyes and take in the picture of her baby and when she finally managed to her heart sped up in anticipation and now the doctor was handing the newborn to her. Stephanie didn't know she could feel the way she did until she held her little girl in her arms, she didn't even care that she was the only person, other than the doctors themselves that were in the room.

Paul was missing in action. Not that she had expected any difference he had been, after all, Mr. Invisible all the way throughout her pregnancy. He rarely turned up for her scan dates, he never asked about how the baby or how she was in fact feeling, so she exhibited no surprise in him not being by her side at this moment. Not that she had wanted him to be here. He wasn't the father and maybe over the course of the nine months he had figured out that the baby wasn't his or maybe he was just an ass and couldn't give a care in the world. Stephanie didn't care about either of those options, if Paul found out that Chris was the father then he would leave her without a second thought and she almost wished that he would find out some way.

Thinking of Chris brought a smile to her face, she didn't even know if he had got her message. Maybe he was still oblivious that he was a father to a girl that had stolen his eyes. Looking into those eyes of her little girl she couldn't help see Chris staring back, those were _his_ eyes and they made her look beautiful, just like they made Chris breathtaking. She didn't want to feel sad but she couldn't help but wish that Chris had been with her. He would have eased away her nerves, gripped her hand when she was in pain and whispered nonsense in her ear trying to ease her. She could imagine that he would slip onto the bed next to her and stare down at their little bundle of perfection. She didn't want to be overly arrogant but that was what she held in her arms, perfection.

But she was alone, Shane and her mother had been in the middle of a meeting in Hartford and her father and Paul were at the show, on the last update she had heard they were making their way here – but they weren't who she wanted next to her.

They weren't Chris.

Chris had made it to the airport twenty minutes after he had heard Stephanie's message only to be despondent at the fact that there were no flights to Connecticut. Really, how hard was it to get a plane to go to Stamford? He had asked about connecting flights and had had found two; there was one landing in Boston and then the connecting flight would make him arrive in Connecticut tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. with the layover being 3 hours. He considered that one, but instead of waiting the 3 hours he could rent a car and drive to where Stephanie was. Because really at that moment in time it had seemed like his only option as the other connecting flight took him all the way to Nashville and that just seemed a crazy journey. Granted, if it was the only one he could take, he'd take it, just to get to Stephanie and their baby.

But he calmed down slightly and had asked when the next direct flight to Connecticut was and found that there was a late flight taking off at midnight and would arrive at three in the morning. Which he gathered would be pretty perfect since he couldn't exactly walk in anytime of day, the cover of darkness would be his friend then. So he had booked the flight, waited the two agonising hours he had to wait for the flight to take off, all the while mentally cursing himself for not being by Stephanie's side. Jessica had been a fleeting though and he had called her to let her know that something important had come up and he didn't know when he'd get home. She was mad, but he was distracted and didn't pay her all that much attention and it was almost a relief when he hung up the phone ending her voice which had become irritating.

He had instantly forgotten her once the flight was in the air, the only important thoughts were of Stephanie and his little girl and if they were okay without him. After all, other than Ash they were the two most important people in his life. He was glad when the flight had landed because that meant he was one more step closer to them, than he was an hour ago. And that eased him slightly, okay maybe eased wasn't the best choice of words, because honestly he was a nervous wreck, it wasn't everyday you saw your daughter for the first time.

He was driving now after renting a car to reach his final destination and each mile brought him closer and closer to the woman he loved and their daughter, and that was almost petrifying to him – what if Paul was with Stephanie, sleeping next to her, with _his_ baby in his arms? What if his nightmare came true and Stephanie decided that Paul would be a better father than he would be. He was justified at being petrified wasn't he?

But she had called him – _first_ – so that was almost a salvation of sorts. It meant she needed him.

He had panicked slight at the fact that he didn't know what hospital Stephanie had been taken to, but then his brain had fought through the hazy fog of blind panic and reminded him that they had had this conversation and she had specifically told him which hospital she was going to be taken to. Which was now only mere minutes away.

His hands gripped the wheel tighter and his foot pushed on the accelerator, he had been apart from them to long as it was and he wasn't going let it be longer than it needed to be. He just needed to hold her in his arms and get over the fact that this little bundle was his. He could live with that, even if that was to be the last time he was to see her.

Looming ahead of him was Stamford Hospital and all this doubt fell upon him. He knew how to be a father to a boy, but a girl? This was new territory and when he took a step back he realised with a depressing sigh that he wouldn't see her take her first step and walk into his open arms, nor would he hear her breathe her first words, because he wouldn't be around to witness those moments, those moments that parents treasure. He would be the outsider looking in and that brought a pain to his chest, a dull, everlasting ache.

Pulling up to the entrance of the hospital, he parked the car and sat staring ahead, letting this all sink in. He had waited for this moment, since Stephanie had told him that he was going to be a father and he had imagined then that he'd be somewhat more organised and so much more less shaky but the shaking had only seemed to increase the closer he got. Taking a deep breathe he opened the door to his car and he stepped out made his way inside.

He followed the signs that lead him towards the Maternity Unit and within five minutes he was looking down the corridor at the nurse's station. He had forgotten about that. Logically he knew he'd never get past them at this time, it was nearing four o'clock in the morning and he couldn't justify why he was here to begin with. _Crap,_ he cursed inwardly, _I really should have thought this through. _Cautiously, so as not to alert anyone to his presence, he took a few steps forward to see how busy the nurse's station was, and he relaxed slightly when he saw that there was only one there, so that made getting to Stephanie that little bit easier.

Sighing, he let a million and more plans form in his mind, ranging from acting hysterically to get the nurse to come with him to see his wife who had just gave birth to his son in the backseat of their car, to finding scrubs and telling the nurse she was needed elsewhere – but none of them seemed like 100 percent full proof plans. Looking up he started to formulate another plan when he saw the nurse stand and move away from the desk and he had to smile, the Powers That Be were certainly on his side tonight. Moving slowly down the corridor he checked to see if the nurse was fully out of sight before he let himself check the board.

There it was '_S. Levesque and Baby Levesque' _Room 314.

He didn't like the fact than his baby had Paul's last name. It was so far from right that it wasn't even funny. The name should have been his, on both accounts – Stephanie should be his as well, he often dreamed of saying he'd be hers forever in front of everyone who mattered to them. But that just wasn't meant to be and that thought killed him a little inside.

Making his way down the corridor he reached Stephanie's room and was glad to see that it was a private room. _Nothing but the best for my girls, _he commented silently_._ Taking a deep breath, he opened the door as quietly as he could and stepped inside. _This is really it I'm going to see my little girl. God that's scary. I wonder if she looks like me. She'll look more like Stephanie I bet. I love her already. _All these thoughts assaulted him as he made his way further into the room.

Gasping he saw her and in that second he could feel his heart swell and he was sure it was going to burst. Walking closer to the bassinet he looked down into it and let his eyes take in everything about her. She did look like Stephanie. Every aspect of his little girl was almost identically perfect as her mother. Lifting his hand he slowly reached forward into the bassinet and then stalled - what if he woke her up? That would be a bad thing right? Yeah it would, but he'd deal with that because this was his little baby girl and he'd waited to see her long enough. Reaching in again, he let the back of his hand smooth over her skin and he was in awe at how soft it felt. The smile that came over his face just then, made everything that he and Stephanie had gone through worth it. In essence every bump in the road that kept them apart had joined together and caused this moment right here, right now as his finger trailed over his little girls face. He could live with the pain, over and over again because he had this moment to fall back on. It was all he needed.

"Hey little baby, how's my little girl, my beautiful little girl?" Chris whispered, oblivious to his surroundings.

Letting her eyes open Stephanie wasn't sure if she was still dreaming or if this was reality. "Chris?" she wondered her heavy eyes hopeful.

Turning at the sound of her voice, Chris's eyes were alive with giddiness and Stephanie couldn't help the tired smile that spread across her face. She watched as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the baby's head and then make his way over to her. He sat on the bed beside her and his smile was blinding she noted and as he reached out a hand and brushed away some stray hair that had made its way across her face while she was sleeping, she shivered at his touch because she hadn't seen him in weeks. He leaned in and much like he had done seconds before he kissed Stephanie on the forehead and then slowly, like he was committing this moment to memory forever, he moved down and pressed there lips together.

"We made something amazing." He whispered, still in awe of his little girl.

Giggling Stephanie nodded in agreement. "I'm glad you made it." She told him quietly, while reaching and grasping his hand.

"I wouldn't have missed this for the world." Chris let her know, bringing up their hands and placing a kiss onto Stephanie's. "I tried my hardest and I finally made it."

"You're the only one I wanted here."

"I only wished I got here much sooner, but I know I couldn't have been here. You had other people...he was probably here, so it wouldn't have been safe..." Chris reasoned looking down.

"He wasn't, no one was. It was just me." Stephanie let him know and that cause Chris's head to snap up.

"You were alone?" Chris asked, his eyes flaring with anger. "Not even your mother was here?"

"She and Shane had a meeting." She told him. "No one expected me to have it today, so they were all busy."

"If I knew Stephanie I would have been here yesterday." Chris told her letting his fingers trail back and forth across her hand.

"I know you would have," she spoke with a smile. "But honestly, you're the only person I wanted with me. So I'm glad no one was here."

"Did he come?"

"Yeah, with my father." Stephanie replied. "He got here and took one look at her and said to me: _'Yeah cute kid, you did a good job. Sorry I couldn't get here sooner.'_ Then his cell phone rang and he kissed me on the cheek and told me he'd let me rest and that he'd see me tomorrow."

"I hate him Stephanie," Chris seethed. "I know this isn't exactly the ideal situation but he thinks the kid is his and all he can muster up is one look? I can hardly take my eyes off her. I love her so much. I'm so proud to be her father." He continued angrily. "But I'll _never_ be her father, not like I should be. She'll grow up with him and call him daddy, when it should be me." Dropping Stephanie's hand he stood and started to pace. "We can take her right now. We'll take her some place he can never get his hands on her and she'll never know him as a father. Can we just take her? Can we be happy?" he finished helplessly.

"I want us to be happy." Stephanie answered.

"Then let's pack a bag and get the hell out of here."

He watched the emotions play across Stephanie's face and he knew he was being irrational and he shouldn't be putting all this on Stephanie's shoulders, not just when she had had their baby. "Raise your hand if you're acting out of control." He said, with a smirk. "I'm sorry Steph."

"Don't be."

Sitting beside her once more, he rested his head on top of her shoulder and took her hand in his. "It's so good to be able to hold you again." He commented idly. "I missed this, I miss you." He murmured quietly. "I just want to take you home and watch my little girl grow day by day."

"This is like when a happily ever after fails." Stephanie commented sorrowfully. "We're in a poisoned fairytale, where the ending is just going to be threatening skies and dark paths leading us to disaster."

"You can't think like that. Not today of all days." Chris told her. "Look over there, do you see her, do you see how lucky we are?"

"I do, I can't tear my eyes away from her."

"Neither can I."

"But still, when I take her home you won't be who I'm coming home to." Stephanie told him dejectedly and Chris couldn't help but feel the weight start to creep back onto his shoulders. They shouldn't have to feel like this, not today of all days. It was too important a day for it to be marred with gloom.

"So lets make our own fairy tale, with a happily ever after that lasts."

"How do we do that?" Stephanie wondered.

"We'll name her something only befitting a Princess." Chris suggested. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"Fairytale Princesses?" Stephanie wondered. "Well I know I'm not calling my baby Cinderella."

"And we're not calling her Snow White either." Chris replied with a chuckle.

Grinning Stephanie agreed.

"What about Jasmine?" Chris wondered.

"Jasmine is nice." Stephanie replied, looking over to the bassinet. "But she doesn't look like a Jasmine."

"Then I'm all out of names." Chris informed her.

"What do you think about the name Aurora?"

He liked it. "Which one is that from?"

"Sleeping Beauty."

"I like it." He told her, while smiling over towards his little girl. "It's fitting."

"Aurora Rose."

Standing, Chris made his way towards the bassinet and looked down into it and he was almost shocked to see that she was awake. "Hello you," he whispered, while reaching down into the bassinet to lift her out. He cradled her in his arms and couldn't help the feeling of wonderment rush through him as his little girl gripped a hold of his finger. Every father said that from this moment was when you would give up your life for your child, and Chris found he was no different. "My little Aurora Rose," he spoke her name the first time. "Aren't you just beautiful, aren't you just like your mom?" Chris gushed, throwing a smile Stephanie's way. "I love you," he told her seriously. "I know you're not even a day old, but daddy loves you and I-I need you to know that I'm your dad kiddo," Chris choked out. "Because when you go home, I won't be around. Not because I don't want to be, trust me if I could, I'd be there every moment you were awake." He whispered regretfully. "But sometimes it doesn't work out. But you can't forget me okay?" Her bright blue eye, _his_ eyes, were staring right back at him and he selfishly took that to mean that she wouldn't forget him. "You're my little princess, do you hear?" he asked her walking back over to where Stephanie lay watching them, her eyes filled with the same pain that Chris felt in his heart. He sat next to her again and he tried helplessly to remember every single thing about this moment, because he wasn't sure if he would ever get to hold her like this again. "This is your family Rora."

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep but when he woke up it was nearing six in the morning and he knew he had to get out of the hospital soon, before any nurse decided to come and check on Stephanie and Aurora and he really couldn't take the chance of any member of the McMahon family or Paul catch him either. What would be his excuse? _'Oh, I heard Stephanie had given birth, so I flew up from Florida last night just to congratulate her.' _Somehow he didn't think that'd work in the slighted.

Reaching a hand up to he rubbed his face in hopes to wake himself up, but the sleep refused to leave him. Turning to his right with a yawn, he couldn't contain the smile that came across his face when he saw Aurora sleeping soundly in between him and Stephanie, who was also sleeping without a care. Slipping off the bed he reached down and took Aurora away from Stephanie and just held her to him. He walked with her a little and every now and then he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. He loved the baby smell of her, it was one of those smells you wished you could keep forever, but would always just be out of your grasp.

"I know you can't understand this right now, but I love you baby girl. I love you with everything I am. My heart is yours if you need it. I know that you don't have a care in the world right now and you probably never will because you'll have you're mommy and daddy and you'll love your dad because he's always been there for you, in your life and I'll only have been looking on from the shadows. I can see it years from now, you're holding his had while you're walking backstage at one of the shows and he'll lift you up onto his shoulders and you'll laugh and I'll watch on, knowing that I should be the one holding your hand and making you laugh.

"Maybe one day you'll go through Paul's old matches while sitting on his knee and cheering him on and you'll see me in one of them and ask who I am, and he'll tell you and my name will mean nothing to you, because you won't know me. Maybe you'll notice how we have the same eyes but you won't say anything because you're a kid and you think you got the blue from your mom. Maybe one day you'll find out abut me and want to know the truth, I welcome that day. Other than this day, it'll be the day I can call you my daughter.

"Wishful thinking huh? I know it is, but how can I let you go without letting you know how much you mean to me, how much I'll always love you and how much it's going to kill me to let you go? I've known you hours and I love you so very much and to walk out that door and not know when I'm going to see you again, it's going to tear me up. But be strong okay? It'll get easier, I'm sure of it...okay I'm lying, but daddy's trying to make it easier. J-Just don't cry okay? Because I can't hold you and make it better."

He didn't even realise he was crying until the wetness hit his hand. He wiped them away, hoping he didn't look weak in front of his little girl. After all no child should see their father cry. "I'm just gonna put you down sweetie okay?" he whispered to her still sleeping form before gently putting her back into the bassinet. "I love you, don't you forget that." He choked out, his throat getting tighter with each passing second.

Tearing his eyes away from Aurora he made his was over to Stephanie and kissed her lightly on her lips, causing her to stir. "Chris?" she whispered, much like when he had first arrived.

"Hey," he whispered back, reaching a hand up and cupping her face with his hand. "I got to go now."

It was the last thing Stephanie wanted, he could see it in her eyes and he wished he could chase those thoughts away, but they were a fact and he couldn't change them, no matter how hard he tried.

"Can't you stay longer?" she asked with a hint of hopefulness in her voice.

"I can't Steph, it's almost six if I stay any longer someone will see me for sure." He told her sadly.

"Will you be back tonight?"

"Tonight and every other night until you get out." Chris vowed to her and he was glad to see that it caused her to smile, no matter how small it was.

"I love you." Stephanie whisper and Chris hated how broken she sounded.

"God, I love you too." He whispered back and he realised morosely how broken he sounded as well.

"Stay?" Stephanie begged one last time and Chris was so tempted to say screw it all and deal with the consequences.

"One of these days." Chris promised before leaning in and capturing her mouth with his and kissing her for all that he was worth and she kissed back just the same while clinging to him desperately.

"She's yours, she's yours, and she'll always be your baby Chris."

"I know," Chris said disheartened, his heart cracking that little bit more than it already had. "You just make sure you let her know that her daddy loves her."

"I will." Stephanie told him instantly.

"I'll see you tonight," Chris told her while standing and slowly moving away from her. He couldn't say goodbye to her again, he knew in a few day he'd have to relive it all over again and this time he would not only have to say goodbye to the woman he loved but to his daughter as well, he just hope he wouldn't die from the splinters in his heart. "Tonight." He finished with resolute.

"Tonight." Stephanie whispered after him as he disappeared.

He had made it to his car before he wallowed in his desolated misery. It hurt so much to be away from them, the ache in his heart was tearing him in two and he was mentally willing himself not to let out the sob he was holding back. How could his life be so wrong when he had everything within reach to make it perfect? Was this some test to see how much he could take before he was nothing but a shell of a man? If so he was metres from his breaking point. How was it fair that the woman he loved was married to a man that he hated and how in this world was it right that his daughter would grow up and call another man her father?

This day was just tearing him to shreds in front of his eyes. Really, what else could they throw at him?

Oh, how he should have kept his mouth shut and not asked that question. But in hindsight he really should have known that the day was just starting and he was far from getting through this anymore unscathed than he already was.

Looking ahead of him he hated how Paul could just stride into the hospital and be allowed to see what was_ his. _His grip tightened on the steering wheel in front of him and he cursed Paul mentally. It wasn't right that he got Chris's perfect life. Maybe he should have stayed and let Paul walk in on them and then kicked him out on his ass, telling him in no uncertain terms that this was his family and he could stay the hell away from them. _Why didn't I stay?_

He found more often than not that his life was full of regret these days and most of those regrets revolved around Stephanie. He regretted the first day they met, he regretted it because it wasn't soon enough, it wasn't soon enough for him to make her his instead of Paul's. He regretted that he hadn't fought hard enough to keep her when he told her Jessica was having Ash. He regretted a lot of things, but most of all he regretted not being in there with her right now and having to pretend that today was a day just like any other day.

It was now July 25th 2006 and he was a father to his little girl.

He just wished he hadn't lost her on the same day.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's a turning point....you'll just have to read the whole thing to know if that's a good or bad thing. Also please review, I'd like to know what you all think.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my own imagination and that created this.

**Chapter 14**

Aurora was five weeks old now. Five weeks and the amount of time he had seen his little girl, well he could count them on one hand. She was getting bigger each day and the only proof he had of that was pictures. He looked at them every chance he got, like right at this moment, and he couldn't help let his finger gently run across her face. He closed his eyes and imagined how soft her skin would feel under his fingertips, how he would memorise every curve but it was getting harder each and every time, because the photo was cold, Aurora was never going to be that.

He craved to hold her in his arms, and then maybe he could find some zest for life again because as it stood he was a pitiful excuse for a man, had been since he put his car in drive and drove away from the hospital. But he couldn't go back and change it now, what was done was done and there was no use wishing things were different, he realised now that life didn't work like that, there was no happy ending in this story.

Taking one last moment, he looked at the photo again and then with a sigh, he let it fall into his desk drawer which he closed with a heavy heart and as he turned the key locking away the photos he locked away his memories. He had to stop spending endless hours just staring and wishing - it was time to realise, no matter how much he tied to keep it at bay, Aurora might be his by blood but she'd never be his to keep. No, Paul had that honour and he cursed that asshole for having what he so desperately wanted.

He could feign ignorance and move on with his family, pretend it didn't tear his heart to pieces every time he heard someone comment how Paul, Stephanie and their little baby girl were _such_ the perfect family. Because he knew perfect and it did not include Paul in any such way, Paul was just the parasite invading his life, taking his place and living the life he was meant to.

Life wasn't fair, he mused darkly to himself as he pushed himself up and out of the chair that had become more of a home, a solitude even to him than any place in this house. Wearily he ventured outside his office and started the routine he had grown into. A terse conversation with Jessica about nothing important, moving to the coffee pot to drink stale coffee that he would stare into for minutes reminding himself how dark and lonely his life had become and then he'd fall onto the sofa and hit the remote and pretend to watch.

It was only when he heard the trampling of feet headed his way, that'd he'd actually manage to crack a smile across his tired face and it was only when a mass of blonde swept onto his lap that he let out a laugh.

He loved his son; he was his only shining light.

"Daddy!" Ash's voice rang out.

"Hey buddy," Chris spoke ruffling Ash's blonde hair. "What did you get up to today?"

"Look," Ash beamed as he pulled out a picture from his backpack. "It's me and you!"

Smiling Chris admired the drawing and chuckled. "What's that we're holding?"

"That's the tag team belts daddy, we'll be the bestest team ever." Ash announced proudly.

"You think so huh, kiddo?"

"We know the Walls of Jericho," Ash told Chris seriously. "We can never lose."

"I love it." Chris told him, pulling him into a hug and he fleetingly thought of how he would never see pictures Aurora drew because she would be drawing a different daddy.

"Daddy?" Ash whispered quietly.

"Yeah Ash?"

"Why are you so sad?" Ash asked him pulling back slightly.

"I'm not champ, you're here what more could I possible want?" Chris denied pushing all thoughts of Aurora and Stephanie out of his mind, this was his son, his last shinning light in the enclosing darkness, and he had to be strong.

"You are daddy," Ash told him reaching out with his hands and touching the corners of Chris's mouth. "You never smile anymore," he continued making Chris's mouth curve up and then pulled back his hands and watched as Chris's fake smile fell. "I don't like it when you don't smile daddy."

"I'm sorry Ash, daddy just has things on his mind."

"Important things?"

"Yeah kiddo, they're very important."

"Well you should fix them," Ash told him, nodding. "Mrs Anderson is always saying that if we leave things till the last minute then we're going to fall behind and you can't fall behind daddy because you might never catch up." He finished before hopping up off Chris's lap and out of the room leaving Chris alone.

Ash was right, he had to fix this – no matter what the outcome would turn out to be. Standing he headed back towards his office, after closing the door behind him he sat on his desk chair and found himself in a staring match with the telephone on his desk, which he realised was a stupid thing, inanimate objected tended to win these type of thing. So taking a deep breath he reached forward and lifted the receiver to his ear and dialled the numbers that he had dialled so many times before, but unlike the other times he didn't hang up and let the phone on the other end ring.

He didn't care if Paul answered, if he did it'd be one step closer to getting this all out into the open, it'd be one step closer to him getting his life back. He could see it now, Stephanie and him watching Ash playing with Aurora, maybe he'd teach her how to walk and after she took that first step by herself, Ash could play the part of the proud big brother. He could see years down the line where Stephanie and he were older and all they could hear would be the chaos of arguments surrounding them.

"_Mom she stole my can of soda!" _

"_Dad that is such a lie, I mean does it have his name on it?" _

"_You have to be daddy's little angel don't you? Always sucking up to him!"_

"_You're just jealous Ash and you know mom always takes your side!" _

"_Mom only takes my side because it's always your fault!" _

"_Well dad only takes mine because it's yours! So there!" _

Did it seem deranged of him, that he actually dreamed about times like that? If so, he couldn't care less he just wanted his family.

The ringing stopped then and he closed his eyes and savoured her voice before finally whispering a, "Hi."

"Chris?" Was Stephanie's surprised whisper at the other end of the line.

"I think I'm crazy for doing this, but I have to." Chris spoke his mind a jumble of thoughts.

"Chris what are you talking about?" Stephanie wondered and even though he couldn't see her he knew she had to be frowning, if he was any other person right at this moment he would be doing much the same, because he knew he was making no sense and he had broken the number one rule for them, _'No matter what we don't call each other, we both know what happens when we talk, it just won't work.'_

"I have to fix it, I have to make it right," Chris breathed out with a steely resolve. "I have to at least try no matter how it turns out."

"Fix what Chris?" Stephanie wondered more confused than what she was seconds ago.

"Us." Chris whispered like it was the most obvious thing in thee world. "We have to fix each other Stephanie or else we're just going to be some sort of hollow façade of who we used to be. We need to be a family, I need to be around my daughter. I _need_ to." He continued and finished helplessly.

"Chris…" Stephanie began but trailed off at a loss of what to say. They had had this conversation before and it never ended well.

"No Stephanie listen!" Chris begged. "We have to, we have to! Please we have to, I can't not be in her life and pretend she's not mine. It's too hard."

"Chris," Stephanie started forlornly. "How would it work? You have a wife Chris and you have a son."

"I don't care about Jessica ok?" Chris told her heatedly. "I do in some way, she gave me a son and I can't hate her for that, but I don't love her, I'm not in love with her. Our marriage ended the second I realised I was in love with you. And I am Stephanie, it was like I was made for you and that must mean something, it has to. Don't you see that without you and our daughter in a sorry excuse for a man?"

"I love you, you know I do." Stephanie told him. "But your son…"

"He can come with me, he would love Aurora, he would Stephanie I know he would. He would be the best big brother in the world and I know he would love you, how can anyone not love you?"

"Chris...we can't do this." Stephanie whispered.

"Give me one reason why not Stephanie, one damn reason." Chris demanded.

"Because..." Stephanie breathed out hating the next words that left her mouth. "...I don't want to."

"Oh..." was Chris's subdued reply.

"I'm sorry Chris, it's just..."

"No, no I get it I do...I just...Steph I can't do this." Chris whispered brokenly. "If I can't be in her life all the time then...then I don't want to be in it at all. It hurts too much."

"Chris what are you saying?"

"I can't do it. I just can't be around anymore." Chris spoke quietly. "I can't see both of you with him and pretend that it doesn't kill me inside. There's no way I can watch _my _little girl be raised by another man and I cannot see the woman I _love_ in another mans arms. I guess what I'm saying is that this is it Stephanie...this is the end. It has to be if I'm ever going to have a chance at a life. I might not be happy, but I might forget?" he wondered weakly. "Forgetting can work. Forgetting you, not so much I don't think it'll ever happen, but maybe I can forget Aurora, maybe over time I can forget what her face looks like and how she had that baby scent and who knows maybe one day I can forget the feel of her hand wrapped around my finger...someday, I'm sure of it." He finished his throat tight and he was almost certain his eyes were stinging because he was holding back tears. He knew he was lying, he'd never forget his little girl but maybe if he made Stephanie believe it she wouldn't feel so bad.

"Chris..."

"No, Stephanie I have to let go. I have to let go of you and Aurora and wrestling, it's what's best. I guess I just wanted you, me and Aurora and Ash to be a family...but I get it, I can't have it, I'm not meant to be in this happily ever after."

"Chris..." Stephanie whispered again. "I'm just..." she continued, but Chris cut her off.

"Goodbye Stephanie. Tell Aurora I love her one last time." And then he hung up. Hearing the click of the call ending drained the life from him and he let his arm fall lifelessly on top of his desk. He sat for a second and realised that that was it he'd let go and wasn't letting go meant to feel good? He didn't he felt dead inside, and he guessed that was true to his actions.

Bowing his head he finally let the tears fall.

"...I'm scared..." Stephanie had whispered to the dial tone hoping to catch Chris before he hung up but she hadn't been fast enough and now her life was skewed at best.

Hanging up the telephone she walked over to Aurora who was sleeping in her carry-cot blissfully unaware of the mess Stephanie had just made to their lives. Taking a seat next to her daughter, she reached out a shaky hand and smoothed it across Aurora's head. "I'm sorry baby girl." She whispered brokenly. "So very sorry."

She knew from the very moment she found out that she was pregnant that this was not the best situation to be in, but then again when was having a baby to a man who wasn't your husband considered a good situation? She had it planned out, she would let Paul think that he was the father and everyone else...including Chris and she should have stuck to that, she really should have stuck with that. If she had then maybe Chris's life wouldn't be as messy as her own. She would have been the only one to know the truth and she was a McMahon, she could have handled that, she wouldn't have broken. But she had to see him, had to hear his voice break when he congratulate her and she had to tell him.

She should have left with him that night and never looked back, it was only now she realised how foolish she had been to ask him to turn back. She had ruined it then and by telling him that she didn't want to do it earlier, she had again caused her own misery. She couldn't see a way out of it now. It was the end of the line, she might as well raise a glass and toast to the ruins of her life.

It could have been good with Chris, she had imagined it plenty of time but wishful thinking wasn't going to get her anywhere. Now she had to deal with the fact that she had left her daughter without a father. Yes, there was Paul but he was hardly a father, he was a stranger to Aurora, she cried every time he got near. Maybe that meant that she knew who her real father was.

What had she done?

She could have done this, she could have left Paul and she could have made a family with Ash and Chris, why had she told him that she didn't want to? Why had she been so stupid.

Wasn't she accusing Chris of the very same thing that she was doing? If Chris left Jessica he would be breaking the stable home that they had built for Ash, it would change everything that he would know. But without Chris, Stephanie was denying the same thing for her daughter – she would be letting her grow up with a man, who no matter what would never love her as much as her father did. She had been so stupid, she realised that now, but she couldn't fix it. She couldn't fix it like Chris had wanted to...it was over, because she had been to slow and idiotic to realise that it could work.

Running a hand down her face she let out a tired sigh and if her life couldn't get any worse Paul appeared in her line of sight and she barely held back a groan of annoyance. She did not want him to be here right now, she couldn't handle his monotone droning. She just wanted to take Aurora in her arms and disappear somewhere, where her life wasn't crumbling around her, falling to the ground, picking up speed as it neared.

"Have you seen my weight belt?" Paul asked her distractedly and Stephanie was glad for the distraction because even Paul in his ignorance could tell that something was wrong. "I need it because I want to lift some weights and the last thing I need is another injury."

"I haven't seen it."

"Are you sure?" he questioned moving into the kitchen to see if he could find it in there and it took all of Stephanie's power not to snap at him. Was this going to be her daily life?

"I'm sure." She called out to him. _Take her and get out. He's not going to miss us._ That was such a good idea and it wasn't like he would miss them, the only thing Paul missed was someone focusing solely on him. She could just walk out...it would be so simple. Aurora's dipper bag was right next to the carry-cot, it had everything she needed. All she had to do was put it over her shoulder and lift Aurora out and carry her to the car.

Just as she was about to stand and do just that, Paul emerged from the kitchen, weight belt in hand. "Found it." He let her know with an oblivious smile. "It was under my gym bag. I think I can lift about 300 lbs today, 10 lbs more than usual. I've been pushing myself to be the best because I want the belt back Stephanie." He droned on. "We should set up a meeting with your dad, maybe you can talk him into letting me have another run with the belt. After all I am the best in the company, there's no one I can't out wrestle, it's only fair."

Oh my God, this was going to be their life. Every time he lost the title he'd have her talk to her father so he could have another title run and she wouldn't question it. She'd have to listen to him talk about being the best and beating everyone to show that he was the best and she'd always know that he wasn't the best, he would never be, but she couldn't say anything because he was her _husband_ and she had to support him.

"I can't do this." Stephanie whispered.

"You can't talk to him?" Paul wondered. "Okay, it doesn't need to be today, but make an appointment this week because I want to start a new storyline I think the one I'm in is stale, it's not putting me to the top of the ladder fast enough."

"I really cannot do this."

"Sure you can, and I was thinking why don't you come back and we'll start up the romance angle again and we can battle your dad and brother like we did in the start. It'll be great." He rambled on smiling at her and then as if he just realised that she was in the room he noticed Aurora. "Don't worry about the kid though, we'll figure something out with her. Maybe a nanny that can stay here with her. What's your mom up to? Can Linda watch her? I actually think the nanny idea is for the best. Tell you what I'll look up some agencies online and get the numbers and give them some calls and see when the best time for them to com-" Paul carried on before Stephanie cut him off.

"God, would you shut up! Just shut your mouth." Stephanie demanded.

"I only want our daughter to be looked after."

"No you don't, you don't know her. Paul you've held her like a total of three times since she's been home. You don't care about her, you just hope she doesn't get in the way of your damn wrestling career." Stephanie ranted rightfully. "Let's face it, let's be honest with ourselves, your wrestling career is all you care about it sure as hell isn't me and it is not Aurora."

"Stephanie what are you talking about of course I care." Paul replied looking confused. "I think maybe you should have a lay down, rest or something because obviously you're not yourself and when I come back from the gym we can talk more, discuss what we're going to do with Aurora and when you're coming back on screen." He reasoned before walking over to his bag.

"I won't be here when you come back." Stephanie let him know calmly and took perverse pleasure in noting how her words caused him to freeze.

"Don't be stupid Stephanie."

"I'm not anymore, I'm going to fix it." She repeated Chris's earlier words.

"Fix what? You're not making any sense. Okay, really we'll talk about this when I come back."

"Paul I really won't be here when you come back. I'm leaving you." Stephanie told him and she had to admit that finally saying those words felt incredibly good.

Laughing Paul looked at her like she was crazy. "You're leaving me?" he mocked. "I'll like to see you try, you leave me Stephanie and I'll take our daughter off of you and you'll never see her. Don't test me."

"You'll never take her, no one would let you." Stephanie told him.

"Give me one good reason why not."

And with a smile Stephanie gave her reason. "She's not yours."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **I'm a horrible updater, anyone ever noticed that? Anyways, here's the 2nd to last chapter of this story. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything.

**Chapter 15**

Jessica was happy. She could honestly say she was finally happy, happy that her family could finally move on from this mess. Rebuild and start afresh, she liked the sound of that, she really did and Stephanie McMahon, she thought with a smirk, well she could just go to hell because Chris would never know. It wasn't like she was blind, she had noticed Chris's actions, how distant he had progressively became, how he'd shrink away from her touch and how he never shared their bed anymore, only rarely did she feel him fall into their bed exhausted. He never came near her though, content on laying rigid on what little of the bed he claimed as his.

So she had taken the next logical step that any wife would if their husband acted the same, she snooped. She hadn't found anything in her initial search of his office, but that was mostly due to the fact that Chris and Ash were due home any moment, so she had waited until Chris had gone out again and invaded his privacy. But she reasoned to herself that no husband and wife should keep secrets so this was more of a duty to fix her marriage than anything else. When she had found the drawer with the pictures, her heart turned cold and she was seconds from tearing them up but she had stopped herself and took a calming breath, it wouldn't help matters if Chris knew she had snooped and destroyed his things and had set a steely resolve within herself not to let that bitch take away everything that was hers. She needed Chris and she needed his money, she had grown accustomed to the lifestyle she lead and no one was going to take that away from her, least of all some whore who had been stupid enough to fall pregnant with Chris's baby.

She remembered with a smirk the look of devastation on Stephanie's face as she had informed her that Chris had told her everything, she cherished that memory.

_The knocking had surprised her and with a sigh she went to answer the door, thinking it was Chris. "Honey, did you forget your keys again?" she asked with a smile pulling the door open. Nothing could have surprised her more to see Stephanie McMahon on the other side of that door, looking hopeful. Though she took note of how the instant she had realized that it wasn't Chris who had answered the door, but Jessica herself that, that hope deflated. "What do you want?" she asked with a glare._

"_I was wondering if C-Chris was here," Stephanie stuttered looking anywhere except at Jessica. "It has to do with his contract." _Please be there Chris I need you, I need you so much. I lied I can do this; I want to do this with you. I have our daughter in my car, just be there, take my hand and we can be happy, _Stephanie thought to herself_. _Her mind was all over the place and she knew she was crazy for being here to begin with, but she couldn't focus on that at the moment she just needed Chris._

"_Cut the crap Stephanie," Jessica remarked darkly. "I know exactly why you're here and he doesn't want to see you ever again." _

_Gasping Stephanie looked at her in shock. "I-I...I don't know what you're talking about." She said quietly, bowing her head. She was too late, Chris had moved on. Wasn't that what she had wanted him to do? In hindsight yeah it was, but so fast? It felt like Jessica had reached in and started to squeeze her heart at those words._

"_Well I do, Chris told me everything." Jessica lied trying hard to keep a smirk for forming on her face. This was just so easy. _

"_He did?" Stephanie asked meekly, she hadn't expected that, but she figured if Chris was going to fully move on then he needed to be honest with his wife and it seemed he had been…and now because she had been scared when Chris had called her, she'd finally lost him. She'd never have a live with him and they'd never be happy and watch their daughter grow before their eyes. She never remembered feeling as lost as she did at this moment._

"_Everything," Jessica commented casually. "The affair he regrets and the baby he wishes was any other mans but his." She continued loving the fact that Stephanie looked close to tears, and with a devilish though, she figured if she carried on with this ever growing lie she might actually cause Stephanie to do just that. It wasn't like this bitch didn't deserve it. "Don't get me wrong," Jessica drew out. "I was upset when he sat me down and told me all of what had happened between the both of you, it was hard to hear. I mean hearing that your husband had an affair is hardly the thing a wife wants to hear and the fact he had a baby no less," she spat out looking at Stephanie as if she was nothing more that scum. "But after he begged me to stay with him, I heard him out, let him tell me that the whole thing was a huge mistake from the moment it began and that he had a family he loved. He was focusing on that family now and he wasn't about to let some mistake that he was already forgetting ruin what they had." She finished satisfied with herself and seeing the tears spill down Stephanie's face just made her feel that little bit better. _

"_Oh," was all Stephanie could manage before taking a deep breath in an attempt to control her tears. Jessica knew the truth, it was all laid out there and she was left with her own mess and she couldn't blame Chris, he had tried time and time again to be with her and she had told him no, for Ash and because she was scared. This was her own fault, but now wasn't the time to breakdown she had to keep it together and then let go of this life altogether. She knew in her heart that Chris loved Aurora but hearing Jessica say those words tore her up inside, like she was sticking a dagger in her heart and twisted with all the strength she had and it was leaving Stephanie broken. _It's over…

"_You know," Jessica began as her parting shot. "I've never seen him smile so much since he tore up every picture in his desk door. He said that they were stale reminders of a life he left where it belonged, in the past and now he was focusing on a future with his son and the woman he loved." _

"_Well…I'll just be going…" Stephanie whispered her face the picture of agony, every word feeling like a blow to her body. He had tore up Aurora's pictures? There really was no turning back after this, Chris wasn't hers anymore, he hadn't been to begin with and he'd never be Aurora's father no matter how much she wished he was. She accepted that now, no matter how much her heart ached. "Have a good life." _

_Jessica planned to. _

In her whole life that would be her most cherished, favorite memory ever. It beat her wedding day and seeing her son for the first time, because in this memory she was victorious over some skank. Chris had been on a day out with Ash so he had been none the wiser and she didn't plan on telling him that he had a visitor that had the intent of ruining her life and there was no way she was ever going to let that happen.

Turning her head she looked at Chris, sitting once again brooding like there wasn't a world going on around him just staring off into space, like he wasn't living anymore, like he had lost his whole life in an instant. She didn't need to wonder what was going on in his head anymore, she knew now and maybe it was the fact that she was the one who was wronged in all of this, that she took a more that natural perversed pleasure in his gloom.

Walking over to him, until she stood behind him, she let her arms slide up, over his shoulders and down his chest. "Hi." She whispered into his ear.

Chris for his part had froze the second he felt Jessica touch him and all he could do was clench his teeth together in hope that she didn't notice his reaction and figure out how he just wanted to pull away from her and breathe again. He couldn't move though, he had made this life and he had to stick with it, Stephanie didn't want him anymore so there was no point in trying, not after their last phone call and he didn't hear the ringing of his cell phone that showed she had changed her mind about that. The fight had left him when she had told him that she didn't want to do this and now he was just wandering.

"I was thinking," Jessica continued. "Ash won't be back for a while, so why don't we head up to our bedroom and have some fun?" she finished softly.

Standing Chris pulled himself out of her embrace and the trapped feeling he was feeling lessened slightly. He might have resided himself into this life with a woman he didn't love, but there was no way in hell he was ever going to succumb to Jessica. Yeah, she was his wife and everything but he hadn't been in love with her for sometime, no he still craved Stephanie and even though she didn't want him it didn't stop his feelings for her. He wouldn't shut them off and move on like he knew he should have, no he'd remember everything, the taste of her lips, the way her body felt under his fingertips and all the other trivial information every other person in the world let slip past them because they were to busy to notice. He wouldn't forget it because if he did then he would cease to exist, Stephanie kept him alive. "I'm not in the mood Jessica." He heard fall from his lips.

"You never are," she remarked dryly. "Really Chris, you should stop the moping because it's starting to get tiresome."

"I'm not moping." Chris denied, he wasn't moping he was just heartbroken. He missed his daughter and her mother, why couldn't people just leave him alone to mourn?

"Bullshit Chris, that's all you freaking well do these days," Jessica snapped, annoyed. "You're either sitting there like a lost little puppy. The only time I ever see you, the real you, is when you're with Ash."

"Well I'm sorry we can't all be perfect like you Jess," Chris ground out, bitterly. "Heaven forbid people have feelings where it's not revolving around you. Would you just give me a break already? I'm sick of having to listen to you!"

"Give you a break?" she exploded. "Give me a break Chris! I'm sick of having you sitting there looking like a loser. Give it up already, just face it, no matter how much fucking sulking you do or how lost you look, it won't bring Stephanie back! She thinks you're happy, with me! So would you please forget her and your God damn _daughter, _because your wife wants her husband back!" _Oh shit,_ was the only thought that ran through her mind. What had she just done?

His next words were seconds from pouring from his mouth when Jessica's words pierced his mind. _Stephanie, what?_ "Repeat that?" he asked her, his voice eerily void of any sort of emotion.

Jessica didn't like the fact that Chris's once lifeless eyes were now ablaze with hope and that he regarded her with such an intense glare it made her shrink back ever so slightly. "I-it was n-nothing." She stuttered out, looking away from him.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was something." Chris replied his voice oddly calm now. There was a fire burning inside him now, warming his heart and melting away the ice that had started to form around it and that fire was spreading throughout his entire body and he could remember this feeling from every time Stephanie touched him. "So tell me, just one more time."

"Honestly Chris," Jessica began, her voice shaky. "I don't know what I was sayin-"

"Just fucking tell me!" he yelled, causing Jessica to jump in surprise. He was tired of this. He was through with this.

"Stephanie was here," she whispered. "I knew about you both, I found the pictures in your desk and…and I told her you had told me everything and didn't want her in your life anymore and…that you had already forgotten about her daughter…" she trailed off not daring to look up into Chris's eye for fear of what she might see.

Stephanie thought he didn't want her, that he didn't want their daughter? His heart hurt to think that, she needed to know that wasn't true. It was over with now, it was all out in the open, he was free and even if Stephanie was still with Paul, it would still make it easier to see Aurora now he didn't have to hide it from his wife. It was like the weight of the world had lifted off of his shoulders and it felt so good to finally breathe again.

Jessica finally looked up when she heard Chris laughing, she hadn't expected laughter. "Chris are you okay?" she wondered taking a step towards him, only to stop as he looked at her again.

"You have no husband," he informed her. "You haven't for a long time. You couldn't have if I was in love with another woman, and I know I should feel so sorry for trying to keep up this pretence of a marriage, but all I feel is relief that I can go after what I want."

"Chris you can't leave me!" Jessica told him desperately. "We have a son together."

"We do," Chris agreed. "And I love him very much, but I have a daughter as well and I love her just as much and I won't deny her of the father she was meant to have." He continued. "But just because we have a son together doesn't mean I should stay with a woman who lied to me, who makes me feel nothing but empty. It's over Jessica."

"No, it isn't!" Jessica argued. "I love you, I'll forgive you for lying to _me_! It'll take time, but we can make it work."

"Jessica, no amount of begging will change my mind, you're grasping onto the tail ends of a marriage that should have ended a long, long time ago," Chris told her with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry that I fell in love with another woman when we were together, but I'm not sorry that I love her or that we had a child together." He explained. "We're over."

"No!" was Jessica's last word he heard as he turned to head towards the door, smiling. He was seconds away from it when the door burst open and Ash came running through it, and Chris didn't think his smile could get any bigger but as Ash jumped into his arms he realized it could. "Hey buddy," Chris spoke, hugging Ash to him for all he was worth. "How'd you like to go see your little sister?"

They had been driving for a while now, Ash asleep in the backseat, when it occurred to him that he had no clue where Stephanie was – he had called her cell but there had been no answer and it had just gone straight-through to her voicemail, he had even called her home phone, throwing caution to the wind and not caring if Paul answered. Of course when Paul had answered he had nervously asked for Stephanie, his nervousness had given way to shock moments later when he had heard Paul's abrupt answer, _'She's left me, now leave me the hell alone.' _and then he had hung up. A half hour later and he was still dumbstruck, but the grin that started form across his face was slowly bringing him back to reality.

Reaching for his cell again, he flipped it open and dialed a number he hadn't called in a long time. Listening to the ringing he hoped against hope that they would answer, because if they didn't he was all out of options, and that just didn't sit well with him. But as the ringing stopped he had to smile at the voice at the other end.

"Shane McMahon."

"Shane hey," Chris spoke. "I have a question for you."

"Chris?" he could hear the confusion in Shane's voice and if he had time to explain the whole thing he would, but he really needed to know where Stephanie was.

"Yeah it's me, look dude I just need to know where your sister is." Chris asked him in a rush.

"Chris man, she's having a pretty rough time with her split from Paul if this has anything to do with work, you can just talk it over with me and I'll let her know when she's more up to it and ready for work again." Shane told him.

"This has nothing to do with work, I just need to know where your sister is staying." Chris asked again, getting slightly annoyed that he was getting nowhere with Shane.

"That's not my place to say man, she just wants to be by herself." Shane told him regretfully.

"Shane for crying out loud man, just tell me where the hell she is, I'd know she'd want you to!" Chris spoke, wearily.

"I'm sorry Chris, but I have to respect her privacy."

"Damn it Shane, she's my daughter okay? The reason Stephanie isn't with Paul is because Aurora is mine and I just found out she left him, which works out brilliantly because I just left my wife because I'm in love with your sister, like crazy in love, to the point where I can't live without her. Now can you please tell me where the hell my daughter and the woman I love is?" Chris blurted out.

"Connecticut. Staying at my parent's house."

"Thanks, Shane." Chris told him with a sigh.

"Congratulations man." Shane spoke and Chris was sure Shane was smiling on the other end.

After getting details from Shane about how to get to his parents house, Chris headed to the nearest airport and with Ash in tow boarded onto the next available flight out to Connecticut. It felt surreal that this was finally going to be it, that Stephanie and he were free from what kept them apart from each other for so long. It had been on hell of a journey, but if the end result was them together, then he'd gladly ride out this journey all over again if it got him Stephanie every time. He couldn't wait for the plane to land.

She let a hand trail down the side of Aurora's face and marveled in the softness of her daughter's skin. It really was amazing, Stephanie thought to herself, how such a simple act could calm her and she needed calm, especially now that her life was nearing chaos with each breath she took. If she had to hear her father lecture her one more time about how reckless she was for having another mans child, she might scream and remind him of his past indiscretions. She was thankful however that he didn't know that it was Chris because his life, she was sure, wouldn't be worth living if that little piece of information was public knowledge. Sighing she tried to forget Chris, but that was getting harder with each passing day as Aurora grew, she was almost her fathers spiting image. Chris had once told her that Aurora looked exactly like her, but she could see Chris staring back at her and those eyes were hauntingly identical like his.

_At least I'll always have a reminder of the man I love, _she though morosely. Taking the bottle away from Aurora, she smiled down at her daughter as she reached up trying to grab on to her and Stephanie knew then, that she was they only person keeping her from drowning. Aurora brought her happiness that no one else could make her feel these days, it was like her heart had shut off to any feelings when Jessica had closed the door on her that day, which now seemed like years ago. She didn't know what had possessed her that day, she hadn't thought it through and the next thing she had knew, she was standing in front of Chris's home, knocking on his door. When Jessica had answered and told her everything that she did, her heart crumbled with each word and shattered for the millionth time when the door closed on her.

But she had brought it on herself, she had told Chris she couldn't do it anymore and he had, had no choice but to move on. She just didn't expect it to be so fast. Not when she was incapable of moving on herself, and it had been weeks already.

"It's just me and you baby girl," Stephanie whispered. "You and I against the world." Leaning down she kissed Aurora on top of her head only to be interrupted by a knocking on the door. Frowning she looked at the time an noted how late it was, and hoped that it wasn't Paul again in one of his drunken stupors begging her to take him back. She was not in the mood. Standing she walked with Aurora to the door and pulled it open ready to tell Paul once again to leave her the hell alone, only to get the surprise of her life when she saw Chris smiling back at her with Ash clinging to him with his head resting on Chris's shoulder as he slept. This had to be some sort of lucid dream she was having, right? She had fallen asleep with Aurora in her arms and this was some dream that her heart wanted.

"Can we come in?"

But as he spoke those words, she knew it was anything but a dream.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Last chapter, finally. I hope everyone enjoyed the ride, I had fun writing this and I hope you all had fun reading it. Leave a review if you want, I do love them.

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill, I don't own, nor will I ever.

**Chapter 16**

Time was a fickle thing. There were good moments and there were bad moments in time and in someone's opinion, some place in the world those bad moments outweighed the good by far. Sometimes all that was seen was the dark depression waiting for them at the end of that long, lonely walk of misery. They didn't see the family that brought them into the world anymore, nor the scarce, joyous moments of contentment, not even the feel of what it meant to be alive. It was all about time, it factored in everything and really the outcome was dependent on how indecisive time wanted to be. Chose the wrong path and your whole life is nothing more than a mere void of existence that should never be looked back on, but chose another path and it could easily lead you too…too everything.

Chris certainly had his share of the bad moments and he feared that, that was all his life would ever have to offer him. His good moments were overshadowed by sorrow and loss, they had been for so long that he had almost forgot what it felt like to feel the euphoria of a good moment. He had resigned himself to never feel it again, but like time being fickle, it could also be surprising and surprising was never a bad thing…not anymore.

Right now, it was like his heart had been siphoned from all the blood it had held and that blood was now exploding throughout his veins and all it took to cause this surge was holding his baby girl in his arms and watch as his son played in front of him. The fire that burned through him now was soaring with each and every moment he witnessed, and he could honestly say it was bringing him back to life: a state in which he had sorely been lacking. He was seeing clearly now, his eyes were wide and taking in everything he had missed. He was sure that to some, that this amount of exuberance was unsettling and that they might stall and fall under it all because it was thrust upon then unexpectedly, but not to Chris.

No, he welcomed it, thrived within it.

He looked down as he heard Aurora gurgle and seconds after taking in the breathtaking image that was his little girl, he looked up as he heard Ash call him. _This is the life,_ he thought to himself as he watched Ash catch the baseball he had just thrown into the air. Stephanie had disappeared a while back to wrap up some business with her father over the phone, so he was left to look after the kids and he had, while basking in the feeling of being a father to _both _his children at the _same_ time. This was all he needed to feel content.

He wasn't divided anymore, he, Stephanie, Aurora and Ash they came together and made a whole – the family that he had dreamed about within the realms of his darkest day. He never thought he would have it all, but he did and this moment in time was proof of that and it felt freeing. There were no goodbyes anymore, no secrets to be kept, just open arms that were nothing but welcoming.

He wasn't waking up anymore and reaching out, only to find out that this had been a dream and then wondering where they were at that moment, no, now he had the reality and it beat any dream he had as a replacement.

The only thing missing at this very moment was Stephanie and he wanted her by his side to share in what he was feeling, like she had when he was on her doorstep with Ash in his arms.

"_C-Chris…" she had stuttered out in confusion with the cutest look of __bewilderment on her face, at least Chris thought it was the cutest look he had seen, but he was bias, it was the woman he loved after all._

"_Hey Steph," he had greeted her with that smile of his that always managed to cause her to shiver. "So everything that Jessica said to you, can you just forget you ever heard them because I can assure you that they were nothing but lies." _

"_Lies?" Stephanie wondered, and he would have been worried if he hadn't heard that slightly hopeful tone in her voice._

"_Complete lies, she was just trying to save a marriage that was doomed and meant to fail." Chris told her honestly. "It couldn't be helped though, not when I was in love with another woman for the better half of it." _

_She had smiled then, she always did when he told her he loved her, openly and not in a hushed whisper that they had been confined to for far too long. "You should come in, let Ash sleep somewhere more comfortable." She said softly turning and walking away from him, only to pause a few steps ahead of him, where she had turned back with a smile. "I love you too, don't for a second think I ever stopped."_

_If he was asked years in the future where his life changed for the better, to define when he was truly and utterly happy, he would remember this day with a smile and mention the date, because he would never forget it. But he'd never explain the significance of it because this moment was only for them to remember, to remember what it felt to truly be alive and happy for the first time since this whole timeline had started._

_After he had put Ash down for the night he had walked back to where he had left Stephanie and found her gazing at their daughter as she slept oblivious to anything in the world at that moment. He had walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her until she was secure in them and as she lay her head on his chest and relaxed in his embrace, he knew this was his happy ending. _

_Although as much fun as happy endings were, he had to make sure it had to be for definite…_

"_This is it isn't it?" he had questioned hesitantly, his grip tightening around her. "This isn't some dream I'm going to wake up from, it's not going to come crashing down when you leave a few days after I get everything I want, is it?"_

"_No Chris," Stephanie whispered, and as he had looked down at her in that moment and took in her closed eyes and peaceful smile, he knew she was telling him the truth and cementing their future together. "This is it, this is forever. No more goodbyes or reaching out for one last touch, no more aching in my heart, it's just us. Us." _

_He had liked that and had thrown that term around his head for a few seconds before smiling along with Stephanie. _

_They had stood there together, in the silence, for a while not used to the simple act of being with each other without fearing that someone would come across them and they'd be caught. It felt different, but a good different, like it should have been from the start. He remembered Stephanie turning to face him and he was sure she was going to say something, like suggest they move somewhere more comfortable, but he had been so used to moments like these where the things she said left him sad and ended with her leaving that his mind had leaped ahead of his thoughts and he had kissed her for all they worth not daring to let those words pass her lips. In retrospect now, he gathered he probably should have let her speak, but he did love kissing her._

_The kiss had escalated as they tended to do whenever he breathed in her scent and tasted her on his lips and hours later he remembered himself being pulled from his sleepy and pleasantly numb haze next to her as she slept with her head on top of his chest, to the cries of his baby girl. With a smile on his face he made his way to Aurora and picked her up, and then walked back into the room he had shared with Stephanie. He had spent…to be honest, even now he couldn't figure out how long he had looked down at Aurora, he didn't count the minutes anymore and he didn't add them to all up with all the other brief times that he had held her. He had an endless amount of time left and he was going to savour them all, he had only been pulled from his thoughts when a hand had touched his shoulder and he had looked up into the tired eyes of his son. Ash had been confused then, being in such a big house, but he had made his way to the room that had the light on and found Chris. Chris remembered pulling Ash up onto the bed with him and the feel of his son snuggling up to him. _

"_Daddy?" Ash had whispered quietly. "Who is she?" _

_Smiling Chris had kissed Ash's head and told him that this was his sister and that he loved them both very much. It had almost killed Chris when Ash had slowly reached a hand forward and trailed it softly down Aurora's face, his heart was swelling with pride and he was sure it would burst._

"_Can I say hi?" Ash had wondered._

"_Of course you can buddy, she's your sister." Chris had told him with a smile._

_Leaning forward with a smile, Ash had looked at Aurora, "My daddy says you're my sister and I've never had a sister before but you look cool so you should hurry up and wake up so I can play with you, because I've always wanted a brother or sister to play with." He explained with a nod of his head and then as an after thought he had added. "Oh, I also think you're very pretty." Then he kissed the top of her head._

"_I think she likes you Ash." Chris remembered telling him. _

"_That's nice Daddy," Ash had told him while yawning and snuggling closer to Chris._

_The next morning they__ had all woken up together and Chris could honestly say he wouldn't have traded that moment for any riches in the world._

Smiling, he noticed he did that a lot these days, at first it was like this foreign act that overcame him and he couldn't stop it, not that he wanted to it felt good to smile and he had a lot to smile about.

"Daddy, I'm bored." Like his son for example. "Tell me a story."

"Okay buddy," Chris began, ruffling ash's hair. "Daddy was in love with this amazing girl, but the only problem was that this girl and daddy couldn't be together because there were a lot of obstacles…."

Stephanie was bored, her father had sent the advanced copy of his DVD to her, so she could watch it and make sure that he wasn't made a fool of (she didn't have the heart to tell him that most things he did usually made him look like it), so instead of being outside enjoy the warm afternoon with Chris, Aurora and Ash she was stuck inside. Sometimes she hated working for her father.

Sighing, she tried to focus on the screen but the images blended together and found herself lost in thoughts of Chris and this time they weren't unwelcome, no thought of Chris would ever be pushed to the back of her mind anymore. She couldn't stop the images of him playing with Ash and Aurora out of her head he was such a good father, chasing Ash around the backyard and playing games with him and then he'd feed Aurora and blow raspberries on her tummy and the delight in his eyes were obvious.

Stephanie basked in the normal moments she and Chris had, she remembered them laying in bed and it just felt so right.

"_Do we ever have to get out of here?" Stephanie wondered, exhausted._

_"Yes, but not for a g__ood while." Chris answered with a smile._

"_Whatever shall we do till the?" Stephanie question, her tone playful._

"_Oh I have no idea," Chris answered, pretending to think for a while. "Play scrabble?" _

"_Maybe we could just sleep," Stephanie wondered her eyes heavy. _

"_I love that you can read my mind." Chris told her, pulling her over to him and kissing her on top of her head. _

_They lay there in silence and Chris was almost positive that Stephanie had fallen asleep as she hadn't moved in a while and he was slowly drifting off into his own state of slumber until he felt Stephanie trace her fingertips over his chest and then a moment or two later her heard her whisper his name._

"_Yeah?" he spoke his voice heavy with sleep._

"_I'm glad we're finally together." She told him softly and caused a lazy smile to cover his face. _

"_Yeah, we're both in agreement there." _

"_I was wrong." Stephanie told him, her hand finding his and holding it tight._

"_Wrong? About what?" Chris asked, hoping she wasn't talking about this relationship._

"_When I told you to turn the car around when you found out I was having your baby. We were so close to being here, to being happy and I ruined it. I was scared, I admit it but it shouldn't have stopped me from going with you. I wish I had then, sometimes I dream about that night and when I dream I go with you and we're happy and we're holding Aurora and we're a family." Stephanie explained. "I know we're one now though and I love it and I'm so beyond happy and I love Ash, he's a great kid – I just wish I had said yes and we would have had it sooner and we wouldn't have had to go through all the pain of being apart. I kept you from your daughter, that's unforgivable." _

_Sitting up, Chris turned to look at Stephanie and squeezed the hand that was holding his. "I wouldn't change it for the world. Seriously, I wouldn't. I mean sure maybe if we got everything we wanted sooner it would have cut out half the pain, but Steph didn't that make you feel more alive when you did finally get everything? I would have loved to have driven off into the sunset with you that day, cheesy I know, but I would have. I think," Chris paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "I think it makes me more thankful. I used to wish that I could wake up and find you beside me, but it didn't happen and yet I never stopped wishing. It's just time, you have to wait until you reach the right off ramp and once you do, once you wait and after you've fought your way through the worst of it, you sometimes get what you wanted. I did, I got you and I got Ash and Aurora." He finished leaning forward and kissing her._

"_Well when you say it like that…." Stephanie trailed off._

"_We're together right?" _

"_Yes."_

"_Then let's not worry about the past, it wasn't that great for both of us. Let's focus on our future and let's make it unbelievably good. Can we do that?" _

"_Yeah, I think we can." Stephanie told him with a smile, giggling when Chris pulled her on top of him. _

"_Suddenly I'm not at all tired." He informed her with a mischievous smirk. "Not. One. Bit." He mumbled as his lips found her own._

Stephanie was pulled back to reality as she heard her herself speak, looking up she saw her image play on the screen and could help but notice the sadness in her eyes. It was shocking to see, but she remembered what she was feeling at that time – loss – it was overpowering her then and it hadn't got any better afterwards, not until now…now was everything she had ever wanted and dare she say, more.

It was weird how within a certain period of time, from when she filmed that scene for the DVD till now, how much her life had changed. She never expected it, never dare hoped that she'd finally have Chris without the secrets and lying. But here they were, together and yeah it felt freeing, it felt right.

_"Hunter and I tried other relationships, but we were meant to be with each other."_

She looked at herself on that screen, heard herself say those words and maybe, just maybe if she wasn't where she was now, in love with Chris and happy - if she had stayed on that path with Paul and decided that there couldn't be any Stephanie and Chris, then there might have been a slight chance she would have believed that line. She would have let denial swallow her whole and live that lie and forever swim in the shadow of what could have been, but no, she didn't believe that, it was a lie and she had no time for lies now.

She heard laughter outside and realised she was missing everything she wanted, all the happy moments, and all the fun. So, not caring if her father looked foolish, she switched off the DVD and watched her past self disappear for good. She never wanted to see that hollow look of loneliness in her eyes and as she made her way out to the backyard she doubted she ever would again. She watched as Ash rode his bike around and she couldn't help but smile, she loved that little boy, he was so smart and funny – he was going to be Chris's double when he grew up and the world would be on their knees.

She walked up behind Chris, and wrapped her arms around his neck and then leaned forward to kiss his cheek and then she smiled down at Aurora, who was in Chris's arms as he fed her. "How's my baby girl?"

"As good as gold," Chris told her reaching his free hand up to take one of Stephanie's hands in his own. "Just a little hungry." He explained moving his thumb back and forth across her hand. She loved when he did that, it was so soothing and she often got lost in the feel of it, she'd zone out and find an extended period of time would have passed and then Chris would be chuckling at her and she'd smile and he'd kiss her.

"Stephanie, look at me!" Ash yelled happily, showing her how he could ride his bike with just one hand.

Stephanie grinned at him and told him to be careful and he promised her he would before riding off as fast as he could. "Ash is as crazy as you are." She commented jokingly and laughed as Chris nodded in agreement.

Taking a moment she looked from Chris, to Ash and down to Aurora and she could help thinking, '_This is my family.' _It felt good.

She was wrong when she had said that she and Paul were meant to be.

She knew the truth now - it would always be Chris and her who would stand the fate of time, because it was _them _that were meant to be.

**The End **


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